Choice (offshoot from another thread) :

OK, disclaimer: I'm gay, and 99% sure that I didn't choose to be gay. With this in mind...


It came up in another thread that homosexuality is "justified" by virtue of it not being a choice. It got me thinking that, really, that's kind of missing the point, and implies that it's only justified because it's not a choice. I felt it was wrong to view sexuality like a disability, even if you are sympathetic/tolerant/acceptant of it.


So I guess what I'd like to ask is: suppose you met someone who had chosen to be gay. How would you feel about that?

 

I wouldn't care.

However, I'd find it pretty odd.

 

Well why though?

I mean, it seems that this is perhaps why there's a lot of animosity towards bisexual men from gay men, because they act like bi guys have made a choice to try gay sex. A friend of ours recently started with the bi thing, and everyone I know is like "yeah, he's just playing at being gay". I was just like "so what?" (admittedly that's probably because I want to nob him, but again: so what?)

It just kinda surprises me, but in a way it seems like maybe people are a lot more comfortable with the idea of sexuality as something you're stuck with - gay or straight - than something you design yourself.

 

I guess it's because I personally wouldn't try something I'm not attracted to. I mean if people want to try out different options than they should do it.

I guess odd isn't the right word. I just don't understand why. But I don't care, It wouldn't turn me off from someone.

 

Ive always found it bizarre as well that as a bisexual woman, I get shit from straight and gay people. Being called greedy or a pussy for not "fully" coming out. I am physically attracted to both men and women, but I didn't *choose* that. Honestly, I don't think you can choose your sexual preference simply because attraction goes much deeper than what we want, a lot of it is physiological or chemical reactions that we cannot control. This doesn't mean tha everyone is stuck either in the gay or straight catagory, though. Like everything in nature, there's a big grey "uncertain" area.

 

Hmm...It would come across as very insincere. In a way, once I began to become more and more sure of myself, I did actually want to be gay and not straight. It depends though - if it was a great guy I'd be fine, though if it were some stereotypical gay guy I'd probably be pretty pissed off at him.

 

I'm not sure. There are a plethora of reasons why someone would want to choose being gay, it would just have to depend on the reason. If it's because they actually think there's a chance they might be that way, then it's whatever. But if they're choosing to be gay for the image, or to fit in, that's absurd.

 

Absurd maybe, but that's the motivation for a hell of a lot else about people's identities. I mean, it's absurd that most people wear clothes all the time even when it's warm and there's no other real reason to, but you probably wouldn't get quite the same reaction for doing it as you would for "faking" being gay.

Well yes, and being attracted to someone is only one of quite a few reasons people have sex. e.g. If someone has gay sex because they have a boner they want to get rid of and there's no ladies around, should that be a major problem?

I always found the anti-bi thing a little odd, that a lot of gay people are quite happy to effectively say "you should sleep with x gender only for the sake of social acceptability" and not punch themselves for being weird and inconsistent in their expectations. I mean, it's ridiculous that we're not just taking it as read that yes, bisexuality does exist in the 21st century. It's one of those things that really should've been agreed on and shelved years ago, like the abortion "debate".

 

You cannot choose to be gay though - even if it is just trying to fit in. And also, I don't see how pretending to be gay will make you more popular.

 

being a man and choosing to have sex with another man is one thing, but that doesnt mean they've made the choice to be gay, that means actually being sexually attracted to another man
S

 

The idea of choosing a particular sexuality is foreign to me- I don't recall choosing mine, after all- but I could definitely see someone convincing themselves that they are something that they are not in an effort to fit in- some closeted gay/lesbian people live their entire lives this way, sadly. I can only see something like this ending in tragedy.

 

Alright, here's the deal: my partner is a lesbian, period. With that in mind: she is attracted both sexually and physically to men and women alike, however, she prefers to act upon those attractions which concern members of the same sex. No, it's not a choice, it's a preference; everyone has them. How do I know that it's not a choice? Because the thing she finds attractive in men is the femininity that they have; physically, emotionally, mentally, verbally, sexually... it has to give off a sense of femininity for there to be any attraction.

I've heard of cases where someone simply chooses to not act upon any attractions to a certain sex, which doesn't make their assumed identity any less valid.

 

I consider myself gay. Like... 99.9% of the time, when I'm attracted to someone, it's a man. I don't ever remember making a decision about which gender I would be attracted to. It just sort of happened...

I think for people to say that people choose their sexuality is absurd and ignorant. How would they know if they aren't gay/bi themselves?

 

I don't think I've chosen to be attracted to men OR women, it just happened. I am bisexual, and that means to me that when I am looking for a potential mate, that I am equally attracted to both. I could be with a gay man, or a straight woman, and feel equally comfortable with either. I am attracted to the person, not their sex or sexual preference. I gain nothing socially by wanting a relationship with a man, in fact, homophobes cannot see any difference between a gay man and a bisexual man. They will hate and persecute both, so I place myself at risk by making my preferences clear. Why anyone would willingly do so is beyond me.

 

It would be a mindfuck for me. I wouldn't be able to comprehend how somebody would be able to choose sexual attraction.