I Think My Bestfriend is Gay

Hi all:

So here it goes... I've been thinking that a friend of mine has been in the closet for a while, but I wasn't really sure. I mean he's hooked up (made out) with girls at parties and stuff, and he had a girlfriend in HS but not since then...But really that doesn't mean much.

A while back I was at his house and I glanced at his computer to see what he was doing (it ended up he was checking his mail) and I saw something from like a gay/lesbian/bisexual group on yahoo... At the time I just passed it off as him supporting gay rights or spam....

Anywho, I had to use my friends computer to print out a bank statement, and well when I downloaded the pdf, Firefox popped up all the downloads on his computer since the last time he cleared it. One of the files that came up was torrent with gay movie title...I only know this because I went back to my computer later and googled the title. Anyway, I don't want it to seem like I'm snooping on him, but I want to ask him. I feel bad for him...he's latino and his family is pretty religious. I feel like it's holding him back from coming out.

I want to bring it up, because I mean it has got to be hard living as someone you're not, and like I don't care. He's my best friend and no matter if he were gay, a transexual, green, purple, or blue I wouldn't care. We've been through way too much for me to care about something like this. To be honest he's like family, I love him.

Anyway, I'm wondering if I should bring this last thing up to him and be like "listen when I downloaded my bank statement your downloads came up and I saw the movie you downloaded...if you need to talk to someone I'm here, it doesn't matter to me" or should I keep my mouth shut in case he's not...just curious? Also how do I bring it up? in person (I'm not the best with words)? letter?

Thanks for all your help.

 

Maybe just start by letting him know how much you love him. Set the stage a bit, get into a discussion about things that really matter, frinedship, character, the quality of a person. Most certainly, do any communication in person. Drop really broad hints that you're cool with gay folks, for example, you might comment on someone you know is gay. Being Latino and with religion in the picture it may be really difficult for him to come out. The fact that you care about him and support him may make his life infinitly better. You're the kind of friend we all should have...I wish both of you the best.

 

The advice given above is right on. Painting things with a broad brush is good sometimes, and maybe in the future he'll realize he can trust you enough (because you're a good friend and love him for who he is, not what he is) to talk to you openly about it. It will definitely take a load off his chest. You sound like a great friend to have.

 

You sound like an amazing friend.

I pretty much agree with what's already been said. I wouldn't talk about what you saw on his computer. Find a way to tell him how much you care about him and you'll love him and be there for him no matter what. You could react positively regarding any gay issues in the media. Maybe you could invite him over to watch a movie or something. You could rent Brokeback Mountain and then comment on how hard it must have been for gay couples back then and then maybe mention how you'd have no problem if you were friends with a gay person.

I wouldn't expect immediate results though. Coming out is one of the hardest things he'll go through in life (assuming he's gay) and even though he may know you'll be fine with it, it is still very difficult to actually say it. The best you can do, in my opinion, is make it clear that he'll be accepted by you no matter who or what he is so that if/when he feels ready to come out, you'll probably be the first person he'll turn to.

He's very fortunate to have a terrific friend like you.

 

You are so nice! Kudos.

If I were you, just let him know that you care about him. Honestly, some of the most heartwarming things I've heard (I'm still in the process of coming out) have been along the lines of "No matter what, you'll always be my bud--I don't care what you say to me" or "There is absolutely nothing wrong with gay people. If they were my friend, that's all that's important to me."

Say that kinda stuff to him. I'm willing to bet he won't come out of the closet if he is gay when you say that stuff because it's gonna take him a while to absorb what you said and work up the courage to come out to you (assuming he actually is gay, which he might not be).

Keep it up. You're the kind of friend that he'll need if he is going through this stuff.