Partners cheating in past relationships? what to believe?

2 months ago i started dating a woman who was recently divorced because cheated on her ex husband. She stayed with the guy (call him Tom)she cheated with for over a year and then they broke up at Christmas. 1 month in, i noticed she would send and get a lot of texts (late at night from Tom) and get calls she wouldn't pick up in front of me . But why would the guy call unless she was in contact with him still somehow or was looking for "something" from her. I asked her to remove his # because it bothered me that if this guy hurt her that she was stay friends with him and still talk to him and that i would feel better if she removed the #. She put up a fight on 3 sep. occasions to remove it on the 4th she did and then added it back the next day and then changed her email too. Should i be worried being that the guy lives 2 miles from her work?



few nights later. i know at she keeps her phone on silent at night. Also, she said that by removing the number (also she keeps her ex hubbys name in the phone and still emails him even though he has moved on and is having a baby w/ someone else) she is sacrificing a part of herself. I don't understand that???..any help?...also, is the new "primary email" address a warning sign? Also, she said she called him last week and only admitted it after i asked her 3 times,she said it was an afterthought because she didnt care. But she said she called him to get a homemade DVD of her and a friend at a concert back in which she asked him to make a copy a long time ago? is that an excuse? i see her EVERY NIGHT...and spend the night. 7 days a week. when could she cheat?...i mean, could she see himat lulnch or afterwork?..is talking to her ex's BOTH still (even though she says she never talk to TOM) cheating?


would anyone out there trust her? i mean, if i am with her from like 7-8 pM until 5 am m-f and i see her friday night until early monday morning...when can she cheat?....or is talking to both her ex's a sign she isnt over them ?....is her calling her Ex about the DVD an excuse to talk to him you think?...after i asked her not to talk to him.

44 minutes ago
response to answer#2...but even if this person is the same person they cheated on their ex hubby with?...and even if they live 2 miles from their job?...and even if they hid from you that they put the #'s back in the phone or the fact that they called them?...isn't that a sign of disrespect?...and that fact that they get upset every time you ask them to remove them?...and that fact that they suddenly, the day after you have a fight about it, change their primary email address?...why?

I deeply care about this girl and truly want things to work out...and i'm getting different answers in every direction and respect them all...hence why my questions are here...is it possible for someone to tell you that they were immature about cheating on their ex (even though it was only 1-1/2 years ago and this person is in their early 30's) and that they love me and want to have a life with me...should i take that risk?


Thing is i have talked to her several times about this...and she gets upset everytime i bring it up and she wants to past to be let go...and i don't blame her...as do I....but is it possible that she is just friends with the guy...and I shouldn't view it as a threat being that she spends most of her time with me...or is she just having trouble letting go?...

 

i didn't even read you rwhole post because there are so many red flags...there is no reason to have ex information or contact....they a re an ex for a reason.covering up being decietful and down right lying is a no no.evading information is just as bad...she has committment issues and i would seriously consider this relationship

 

I agree mlee. You don't want to believe but you already know. Why would you assume someone who thinks cheating is fine wouldn't cheat on you?

 

are you people kidding me? she ahs the right to talk to whoever the hell she wants to. and to the op, you have NO right to demand that she remove someones number from her phone before shes done anything to you taht you know of. yes people make mistakes, that doesnt mean theyll repeat them. i dated an alcoholic pedophile who was twice my age once - does tha tmean that me talking to older men (family friends) will result in me dating them? good god no! if she cheats on you then you have the right to be this suspicious, otherwise it sounds like you have -SERIOUS- trust issues

 

i agree she has the right to talk to whoever she wants. and i know things might seem complicated, but just try to appreciate the time you spend together. make the most of it, because you never know when that might disappear.
pm me if you want.

 

:worthy:

I was thinking "seriously...wtf".... I'm friends with MOST of my exes and no guy I've ever been with or would ever consider being with has ever tried to stop me, which is a good thing, cause that is when I'd say "byebye".

 

are you kidding me?trust occurs when people are honest.being sneaky, and decietful are not trustworthy characterisitics.she is clearly hiding something other wise she would'nt be changing emails and so forth...if she wants to be sneaky and deceitful maybe she shouldn't be in a reltionship because quite franklly you can't build a healty relationship the way she is acting.

 

or she couldve been getting loads of spam in her email addy and decided to change it


to the OP, i strongly suggest you TALK to your girlfrienda bout all this. its obviously weighing heavily on your mind and as we are not in your situation, we cannot tell you exactly what to do. you wont feel secure til she gives you a reason to, and she wont know to give you that reason unless you let her know that youre feeling shaky about her past

 

I would think it is a no brainer to drop the ex out of the picture if the one you supposedly loved was uncomfortable with it. Why should an ex be so important? It is more about caring for your currents feelings whether that is the way you personally feel or not. Everyone always pushings these battles of independence any more but that is more like having a parent then having someone you truely want to make happy. When both have this attitude a great relationship can build with neither feeling resentfull. Thats my take.

 

People, WAKE-UP.........
Rights are rights, and TRUST is TRUST.
She is hiding something, She also has a past.
This is a no brainer.
Dump her.

 

sure, she can talk to whoever she wants. of course, she's blatantly cheating on you so you should dump her whore-ass

 

Myself, or my partner, do not see or talk to our ex's, and there's a good reason for that. They're ex's, relationship is dead, move on, and they can inhibit our new growth, together.

You should, and she should, dump them, and build the future that way. No you can't control her, but you can dump her ass like an old menstraul pad. don't feel bad about it bc if she wanted to hang on she would make adjustments.

 

If you really care for this person, you will talk to her. Tell her how you are feeling because she can't read your mind. Communication is the key here.

 

She has a right to talk to whoever she wants. However, I know it hurts to hear this, but it sounds like she's cheating on you. You shouldn't stay with someone like that...Good luck, whatever your desision is