I'm ok with husand loving another woman

defiantley no hard feelings from me. i don't have hard feelings for anyone on hip forums.i just personally would rather try to prevent a reoccurance of a bad experience then keep the doors open for pain and heartache again.i have never loved any man the way i loved my ex and the betrayal he bestowed on me was devastating. it did not bitter me for i now have the best man i could have ever hoped for.we have been together for 7 years but i can confidently say that if he ever cheated on me i would have to walk away..i would be able to forgive but being a normal red blooded women my memory of the betrayal would somehow linger for a lifetime.i don't think it would be fair of me to try and train him to redeem himself nor fair to me for the building resentment that may grow towards him...we both (and i hope this we can agree on) are very strong in our feelings on this matter and i totally respect your will to better yourself and your relationship......

 

Yes, I will agree with you on this one. I said the same thing when I first found out-I didn't want anything to do with him. He moved out and came back and that is when I first had those feelings of it being ok. I was hard on myself because I couldn't imagine why I was thinking that way. Why would I want that? But, when I would fight with myself, I flip-flopped back and forth. I was a mess. I didn't like it, I liked it. At first I thought that it was me just going through all the affair issues and trying to make it hurt less but found out that even after 2 years of really hard soul searching my gut tells me this is the way it should be now. I know you don't agree and I definatley know where you are coming from on this.
I don't know what the future holds, but I am taking it a day at a time now. It feels good and right.

 

as with anyone i offer advice whether taken or not i hope it all works out for you, and it was nice to chat with someone with different views that didn't end up in fighting. kudos to you...

 

I did not assume anything based on the punctuation or your use of capitalization. I based it on your words. And again sorry if I offended you.

 

no worries

 

My husband is calling her today and I am so excited. I know, I know but I can't help it. He'll let me know how it goes.

 

just curious are you looking to hook up with the other woman as a couple? what exactly are you excited about?????what is he letting you know???

 

Not anymore....it is a very long story. I was ok with him being with just her. They had a relationship that had strong feelings-my husband said he loved her. I believe it because it lasted 2 years....he called her yesterday and she kinda blew him off. It had been awhile since they had spoken. He seemed a little let down because maybe his feelings were stronger than hers. Maybe all of this does have to do with the affair still. I am really confused because right now, since she isn't in the picture, I wouldn't want him with anyone else but me now. It sounds like I am crazy. Just messed up I guess.

 

It is so normal to have conflicting feelings. It could be too that she isn't comfortable with talking to him any more now that you know about the whole things. I knew a girl that only dated married men because she liked the excitement but as soon as the guy started talking about leaving his wife or that he told his wife and she was ok with it she would leave them (My friend was really messed up). As long as you and your husband keep open and honest with eachother then you will figure out what it is that you really want and if you are ok or not with allowing someone else into your relationship.

 

I personally don't think you ever did want that.

 

Like I said I have been struggling with these feelings for 2 years, I can't figure them out. Maybe I should just let it take its own course and not worry about it. What my husband and I have now is better than I could have ever imagined. We talk so openly now that we hardly ever argue anymore. We do once in awhile and it usually is over silly things but the majority of the time we talk and talk and talk. We will figure this out too.

 

you are a much stronger being than i..i could never be with someone who had another intimate relationship, especially my husband.i couldn't even live with the fact that he might love someone else like he loves me.

 

I second that. I'd probably castrate my fiance if he ever dared strayed. I could not handle it. I would be cutting my heart out with a jagged knife leaving him but it would eventually mend. I don't think I would be able to mend such a heart if I did not first leave the blade that cut it.

 

WELL SAID

 

caterpillar, you must come and have a long conversation with my lady sometime, I think.

 

Why? Will she be able to help me sort things out? I can use all the help I can get.

 

It seems when I at least expect things, it all happens like it should. My husbands friend called him yesterday. She wasn't blowing him off like we had thought. She was just busy with work. From what he told me, the conversation was like it never had stopped. I am happy that we can move forward but I have learned not to put so much expectation into things. When I let things take its own course, it will work out whatever way it is supposed to.

 

expectations, I have learned, are WHY we feel pain in our relationships. Once our partners don't meet them, and they never can all of the time, we feel betrayed, like their letting US down, when more realistically we are living our lives according to how WE feel at the moment and not so much for other people.

But it's hard not to have expectations, for Chase and myself, because we both have the expectation of never straying and not willing to live with one who does, but if he did I don't know how I would handle it... I think I would most definitely leave, but it'd be a major blow to my heart that would take years to mend.

Your brave to just let life take you along. I hope he respects you for it.

 

He has more respect for me now than he did before. It really has more to it than what is written here though.

 

of course. I just hope it works out. I don't know if all cheaters cheat again, like Melee I have some experience but that points in a sour direction for you, since they all pretended they cared but got shown out. But I hope it does work out for you, because you are so brave, and he'd be a fool not to respect that.