guys that dont show emotions...

Hiya, im in a relationship with this guy hes wicked and im pretty sure he feels the same way about me but i just get a bit worried sometimes because he doesnt show his emotions towards me whereas most blokes do towards their girlfriends. He is a bit shy i guess, well, thats what my mates put it down to anyway. He wont ever tell me how he feels about me, and its good to hear them sort of things at least sometimes, and it would stop me from worrying. I know he must like me because we've been going out bout 6 months now and we have a good time together etc. Its just stuff like giving me unexpected cuddles n kisses that i never get from him and i just wondered if maybe its just the way he is...hes such a great person and if i ever want a kiss or a cuddle myself he will give it to me but he never asks me to give HIM anything like that. It just seems a bit one-sided, n girls like to be made a fuss of by their blokes lol!! I dont have a major problem with this its just ive never been out with anyone like him before and i dunno whats going on. Anyone who can shed a little light on the situation here i would appreciate it..................... or just say anything to try and make me feel loved someone plz lol.

 

i have no idea who you are...but i love you just the same.

he's probably just got the whole 'stiff upper lip' thing happening

 

Cheers for all the love an that you guys, i ave decided i am jus happy me and him are together, hes amazin even tho the lack of emotion...thats jus men in general i guess...lol

 

Has he had past relationships? I was with a guy once who had never had a girlfriend and didn't really know how to act around me, whereas I'm the kind of person who likes the unexpected kisses and cuddles. He even made a rule that I only get 2 hugs per day...haha. It was...odd. He was and is an awesome guy, and has grown since then...but yeah, it was weird when we were together. So maybe that's the problem? I don't know.

 

Raver Baby,

My boyfriend is the same way. Your relationship might not be like everyone else's but that is ok. My boyfriend doesn't get it sometimes, and he isn't very forthcoming with his emotions, and to this day he doesn't understand why I like him to do little thoughtful things like send me an email or whatever. Oh well, it doesn't stop me from doing those things for him. And every now and again I'm completely taken aback by him and his sweetness, that I remember why I fell in love with him.


I used to get pissed at him, but I just remind myself flowers die and they certainly don't prove anyone's love. Just make sure he does treat you right. Because it is easy for guys like this to end up taking you for granted. Jer and I go through it every 6 months or so, where I have to remind him.

 

I know he hasnt had a gf for quite a while, n i get the impression that any previous gfs were probably nothing much, just yknow, like the sorta relationships you have when your a kid. I also get reminded of his sweetness by certain things he does sometimes cutelildeadbear, which reminds me also why i love him! I dont really feel pissed at him cos i kno it must be just the way he is, which is fine by me, it is just nice tho aint it to have little kisses n all that from your guy unexpectedly! When we're alone, jus chillin out at mine or whatever things are usually all good , its jus the public display of affection which there is a lack of, doesnt bother me too much tho to be fair. I think since we've been goin out ive 'reminded' him twice bout ykno hes got to make an effort if he actually wants to be wiv me, n he acts really like, he has no idea i was feeling like this, n he says he will fone n stuff n bla bla bla, n then he does make more of an effort for a while but then it falls back into that other pattern again where i feel like im chasing after him by foning him and asking him if he wants to meet up etc, n i dont wanna feel like that anymore, he should be doing an equal amount of the same thing, if u get me. I would feel really guilty 'reminding' him at the moment tho, cos he just had an accident n he is still recovering, but i just want our relationship to be all good again......anyone advice plz??

 

I'm sorry sweetie,
I don't really have any advice for you. I go through the same thing all of the time with Jer. I just have to accept this is the way he is and sure it is a bit of a flaw, but deep down I know he really loves me. I am really careful not to play games with Jeremy though because that can get messy. People might tell you to play hard to get and that sort of stuff, but sometimes it really isn't worth it. Sometimes these boys are just like this. It takes time and trust to get them to feel like they can be open and affectionate with you. How is he with his mother? That would be a fairly good indication of how he interacts with women. If he has a good relationship with her, but isn't overly affectionate, then I wouldn't really worry about it. Maybe no one has shown him how to be emotionally available. Maybe you can take some time and show him, and tell him how you feel. Don't nag, that will make it worse. And whatever you don't do not say "why don't you ever buy me flowers" or something similar. If you say that, he never will, he will resent the fact that you are telling him to do it. (LOL this isn't true for every boy, but most).

 

My most previous boyfriend was the same way. So, I realized that, if you can't get back from a relationship what you put in, you got to be moving on. True he may love you, my ex did, but you are obviously unhappy about this, so was I! Talk to him about it, be straight forward and don't worry about hurting his feelings. If he loves you he'll understand. If he dosen't , which he probibly will, then you need to find someone that's going to treat you like you want to be treated! Which is what I did. I got asked out yesterday. And, I left the guy. But, we're still talking and he understand where I'm coming from!

 

I guess my situation is different because Jeremy actually tries. See that is the thing. I can tell he tries to do things for me. They might not seem romantic to everyone else, but they mean something to me because he goes out of his way to do them. I mean it might be the stupidest thing in the world to other people when I tell them that he buys me tires instead of flowers, but it means something to me. It means he wants me to have a safe vehicle. Or when he pinches my butt when walking by me and we are both busy (shhh don't tell anyone). And he gets me a beer when he goes to the kitchen. He's affectionate, when I need it, and you know when most people are, but he isn't all touchy feely like some other guys. It used to bother me, but now I actually like it better this way, that we are both able to be individuals and maintain that, while still being madly in love.

But in all honesty, if you are not happy, you should consdier first speaking with him. And also recognize what he does do for you. Maybe you just don't see what he is doing as exactly what you want, but to him it might be all he can do. If after talking about it and him trying, you are still unhappy maybe you should find someone new.

If you can find it I suggest reading this book though: 25 Stupid Mistakes that Couples Make by Paul Coleman, Psy.D. It helped Jer and I through this same thing. If you want that is. You are young though so maybe it isn't worth it. That is up to you.

 

I have had the opposite problem. I can't stand it when guys touch me unless they give notice. I'm probably more like a guy in alot of ways, I like being alone and too much stimulation puts me in a place where I don't know what to do and I feel really dizzy. I was diagnosed with a very mild form of autism when I was younger, perhaps your beau has similar issues. (perhaps all guys do, LOL!)

 

My Ex was exactly the same, he would try but after awhile it was like it was a chore to come and see me (we lived about an hour apart), and i would always be the one ringing him. Then we kinda just grew apart i guess. He would also find it hard to express his emotions to me aswell, although i never use to force him to, i'd just know something was up and ask him what the matter was. He hardly ever told me tho (he had a lot of problems with his dad). And now we're friends, which im cool with, i do miss him tho sometimes.
I asked one of my guy mates why my ex was like this and he said straight out that sometimes its hard for guys to express their feelings or they dont know how to or maybe its just not their thing.
hope that helps somewhat.

 

Did you ever think of just asking him?

 

I think its just the way he is, and im happy with that, i was just interested in whether anybody else had a bf like this, like cutelildeadbear (cheers for ur input on this) Hes worth it, and i can see that he does appreciate me, by some of the things he does, altho like cutelildeadbear said other people might not see them in the same way as i do, but they are there! I really like avin a guy like him actually cos he aint the same as most blokes, which is why i got worried that maybe he didnt like me anymore, cos i suppose i was just used to the bloke bein the one who fones n takes me out n stuff, but i know its not that now, cos i kno its jus the way he is, n i must admit i do like/dont mind it like that, so long as he makes an effort in his own way i guess its kool. Im not sure i could stand an overly affectionate bloke neway, its just too much sometimes. I think i was just worried bout nothing to be honest, knowing that guys find it hard to express their emotions explains a lot. Trust just needs to be built up and the last time i saw my bf (yesterday) things were really quite good between us. So ive just gotta stay positive basically and stop worrying over fuckin nothin. lol. And kilgore i could ask him yeh, but there not a specific thing that i need answering so its a bit dodgy really, and i dont want to make him think that hes doin summfin wrong, cos he aint. Thats all from me for now anyway. Take it ez and cheers to everyone who has replied x

 

la la laaaaaaaa bump my thread

 

I haven't read what everyone else said, so a lot of this is probably repeated, but it may have to do with his other relationships. That doesn't nec. mean ex gfs, but other relationshipd in general.

The best of luck to both of you!

 

Yeh i think it must ave summfin to do wiv that o well! Im jus gonna chat to him next time hes round, dont wanna sound like all rar rar rar tho thats the thing, i jus would rather him realise it without me avin to remind him. It dont really help that he went to an all boys skool either really does it.