My partner is totally sexually selfish; not even in an attractive dominating way. I'm her first, she's mine, and we're more than likely going to get married. And while I'm not very sexually demanding (I never try to get her to do things she doesn't want to do, I don't really need too much out of sex, ect), I feel like things have gotten to a point that they're ridiculous. Although I'm usually the dominating one in sex, I most often focus the sex on her since the most satisfying thing for me is getting her off. Things were alright in the beginning. She wasn't very good, but I didn't mind at all. She really didn't have to do anything to get me off except attempt to do so. Lately though, alot of things have changed. The head just kept getting worse and worse, significantly so from the point I told her that she was not allowed to bite my penis again; which was of course immediately after she had done so (nearly as hard as she could in fact [which literally hurt more than anything I had ever experienced]) just because it had seemed like a fun idea. I didn't even get mad at her or tell her that she couldn't do it again in a mean tone. Although like I said I wasn't very attached to head so the poor blow jobs weren't much of a problem. I would try to tell her how to improve it, but she would never listen to me. Essentially, she stopped using her tongue completely and ended after about a minute (and would get very irritated if I asked for more). Then, one day I asked her if she would get me off with a blow job (not for her to eat the cum, let me ejaculate on her, deep throat it [I've never asked for or cared about that], or anything else). It had only happened once before. Usually blow jobs weren't very significant to me and weren't a major focus in our sex, but that day I REALLY wanted one for some reason. When I asked her she agreed. So we started and everything was going fine. She wasn't really visably getting into it (she never really did), but I thought nothing of it. I was trying to get off fast because I didn't want her to get tired. And then about four minutes into it (the point where I'm starting to get off) she stops and says she doesn't want to continue. Confused and a bit sexually unsatisfied, I ask her why she stopped. She then proceeds to tell me that giving blow jobs is "completely boring" for her because they don't sexually stimulate her. She says that she'll still give them if I want, but just wanted me to know that. And then she adds on to the end that she doesn't see why we even bother with blow jobs when I could just eat her out to get stimulated (which was true, but I think an unessary comment). Needless to say however, I got a tad upset. I wasn't raving mad or anything (I've never even yelled at her). I was moreso emotionally and mentally hurt. I quite simply had never thought that she could not enjoy giving me pleasure as much as I did for her. Had it been for any other reason (it grosses me out, I just don't like it, ect) I wouldn't have minded in the least. I've always wanted sex to be as good as it can for her. Of course, upon my getting upset she tried to make it better- telling me she would still finish it and so on- but I wasn't quite in the mood for that. After a short while I stopped being pouty and just let it go. From then on though the blow jobs weren't pleasurable in the least, still lasted only a minute, were ONLY initiated by her to get me hard enough for sex (who would want one after that?), and were filled with complaints (Aren't you hard yet?"; "My neck hurts." [which is the one I find odd considering only two months earlier the blow jobs lasted about eight to ten times as long]; "This is boring."; ect). It wasn't that I had any trouble getting hard, it's just that in the months following our first time the amount of foreplay had gone to almost none except when I initiated (by her choice not mine[I happen to love foreplay]) and the sex was randomly timed without any hints or warnings. Rather than flirt or do something to create a mood she preferred to just tell me she wanted to have sex and pull me into her bedroom 3 or 4 times a day. Even then, I had few complaints. I was and am still madly in love with her and love sex almost more as a symbol than an action. Not that I EVER showed any disinterest in it at all. I have never said or done anything to make her feel incompetent and up until recently was very satisfied with the sex. Recently though, things have gotten alot worse. On one occasion when I went to penatrate her vagina from behind (a position we had done often and that I thought she enjoyed too [considering she had told me so]), she stopped me and told me that although that position felt good for her, she felt it was moreso pleasuring me and said that while she didn't at all mind doing it, others positions did a better job of satisfying her. It wasn't that she didn't enjoy it or that it was at all painful, it's just that it didn't turn her on as well as other positions could (knowing well that it did the most for me). As one might guess, that sort of killed alot of pleasure I got out of that position. Repeating what I said before, her getting off was and is the most sexually stimulating thing for me, but constantly feeling ignored and knowing that she gets absolutely nothing from me getting turned on is a bit of a turn off. Rather than continue to go on about the plummet of my sex life, I will summarize what it is right now. We walk into her room. We take our clothes off. If I'm hard we begin. If not she gives me a small blow job and then literally sucks on the head and sensitive glands behind it. I've told her on many occasions that this does not feel good AT ALL. She however, doesn't care because it makes me hard. When she does it the feeling is so intense and unbearable (not at all in a good way) that I am literally powerless to stop her. We have sex, which is usually 5 through 45 minutes depending on when she wants to do the position that most satisfies her (the cowgirl position with the up and down motions replaced by a forward and backwards sliding in which she attempts to hit her clit against my pelvis in a certain way that for her causes a full body orgasm [I literally feel nothing with my penis and do nothing, but love seeing her get off]). After her orgasm she, understandably so, wants to stop. Normally that wouldn't be a problem, except nowadays sex isn't near as good for me. I love turning her on, but I feel sad knowing that I'm not a priority in sex. Having your partner literally tell you they have no concern for whether or not sex is enjoyable for you tends to do that. And before you try to say anything about it, our everyday relationship is going GREAT, my penis is above average in length, she is VERY sexually satisfied and still loves vaginal sex (especially positions in which her g-spot or clit get aroused). She's been gone on a trip to Europe for a month (where, before you say it, I'm confident she was loyal to me), comes home in two days, and won't stop telling me how horny she is. I didn't bring this up in those last two weeks she had here (two weeks before the trip is when the blow job thing happened) because I didn't want to take any risks that I would make her feel bad or guilty while she was on the trip (she's been looking forward to it for more than a year). Now that she's coming back I'm obviously going to discuss all of this with her, although I don't know when (the day she gets back, before anything sexual happens, a couple days after she gets back, ect) and I don't know what exactly I'm supposed to tell her after I've told her all of this (I'm really not afraid or anything). I can't just demand that she be more into turning me on because she'll just try to fake it (probably the biggest turn off there is for me). And even then, how would I know when she's finally actually enjoying it? I'd appreciate it if anyone had any ideas. Thank you for your time.
Sorry about that seamonster66. I realized that I had forgotten paragraph breaks and went back to do it, but got error raped and had to restart my browser.
well she sounds selfish, annoying, and not good at sex. why are you considering marrying this girl without ever knowing what life can be like with someone else? If i were you i would break up with her no question and find something a little more equal, and someone not quite as insane as she seems to be, but I am not you. Otherwise i would say do as you plan to, lay it on the line. She isn't doing you a favor by having sex with you
She doesn't like to give head...so what either deal with it or move on. Personaly I think that is a shitty reason to move on. You asking for head is going to make her repulsed byt the idea. My fiancee is the only guy I have been with who isn't suggestive about me giving him head (ie-he doesn't ask in any form) and I have given it more times to him in several months of long distancing it then in my two previous long relationships that lasted years. Your girlfriend sounds really boring in bed, but you sounds like a complete punk ass 18-year-old who knows nothin about women so who can blame her? Also, guys stop when they orgasm all the time. I have never asked anyone to keep going after they come to try and give me more pleasure, becuase I know I can be unintentionaly bad in bed because I am shy so whatever way I can please I do. Also, does your girlfriend have any illnesses that prevent her from wanting to do it? I've had strep throat off and on for months now, which spread to a rash on my face and more root canals this summer than I can count. Needless to say giving head is the last thing I feel like doing lately (even though my fiancee is so hot sometimes I can't help it and still do event hough I know it's bad for me) and I couldn't imagine him bringing that up. Because he is so great I have never once said no to sex with him. This is because he treats me with respect and lets me know I have other things to offer than just sex. Maybe your GF doesn't feel the same way. Lay off about sex, maybe even deny her of it a few times (but cuddle her a lot) and see if things change Good luck and gain some sensitivity please
I understand what you're saying and trust me, I'm neither addicted to sex or under the illusion that she's doing me any type of sexual favor. But I would like to give her a chance to fix this. Really, the hardest part to me right now is that bit at the end of my post. I really don't know where to go from laying it on the line.
What the hell was that? I didn't speak ONCE about breaking up with her over this (and I thought I took care of any doubts about that part when I said I wanted to marry her) and said over and over again that I didn't care about getting head. I HAVE NOT asked her since she said she didn't want to sherlock. I sort of SAID THAT. In fact, that was the first time I had ever asked for head. Every other time she gave it without me asking. And speaking of things I said, I also said that it was COMPLETELY UNDERSTANDABLE that she wanted to rest after having an orgasm. Also, SHE INITIATES SEX AND HAS NEVER SAID NO TO SEX WITH ME. And get off your high ass about whether or not I treat my girlfriend with respect. I seriously don't even know where you get off talking to me like this. Literally every single person I know thinks I am the nicest boyfriend they have ever met. I love her. Maybe I just don't want to feel like I'm being taken advantage of and feel more like she wants me than pleasure. I may be 18, but at least I have above a 4th grade reading comprehension.
Sorry about snapping Bella. It just really seemed like you didn't read my post or had trouble comprehending it. I'm not at all mad because my girlfriend doesn't give me head. What saddens me is that it's because it's boring for her. She's totally unwilling to look at anything that doesn't directly benefit her as something she should care about. She's even known among her friends for being inconsiderate. And please, don't repeat what you said about me being inconsiderate and her not loving me because neither of them were true and I found it quite insulting that you reacted to what I said like that.
And I'm sorry, but there is no way that my girlfriend has ever thought that I didn't think she had anything to offer besides sex. She was the one who pushed us beginning to have sex and she is the one who actively pursues sex all the time. I am horribly nice to her, and have never said or done anything to make her feel incompetent in bed. I'm sorry if I didn't state it clearly enough in the first post.
i think you missed his point.he clearly states that he doesn't care about the bad blow jobs. he actually said his biggest turn on was satisfying her sexually.however she only will participate if the posistions are making HER feel good.she has no desire to wanna please her partner and quite hoestly that is sexually selfish...sex isn;t about one or the other exclusively it's about the feeling you give each other equally.for you to call him a punk ass 18 year old is absolutley ludacris!!!!he clearly stated his feelings and articulated his point very open and honestly(which by the way i know guys 30 years old who aren't that articulate and at ease with their fellings)no wonder why guys aren't open with their feelings.your basically telling him to play games with his girlfriend by suggesting he should withhold sex but yet cuddle with her still?when all the while he just wants to let her know how he feels about the situation...i say kudos to a young man who can share his true feelings about a very serious and sensitive subject, if only more men were like that , what a world it could be.....
your sick of me?????????????????????????did i once insult you like YOU did the original op?????how fuckin dare you say your sick of me , for what ?responding to a thread????if your so fuckin sick of me then block me.....you know i was right in what i said in response to your bullshit post...that's why you are sick of me....
Just sounds like the type of person she is. You said you tried to talk to her about it and she doesn't care. There is not much else you can do. Your choices are to stay or go. I would think hard about marrying someone like that unless you are sure you can deal with it. Time has a way of magnifying annoyances.
This might sound dumb. I apologize in advance if it does, or if I happen to somehow offend you -- not my intention, believe me. BUT! When she's giving you head, are you vocal? Telling her how good it feels and how fuckin' awesome she is at it..? Everytime I do this to my girl, she starts blowing me like it was my last day on earth. Some people respond more to audio-stimulation then others, but it could work. When I was in highschool I had a girlfriend who I thought HATED oral sex.. she would never want to go down on me and when she did, she was very timid. She actually was really turned on by the idea of sucking dick, she just didn't think she was good at it, so she had no confidence. Once I became more vocal about how good this or that felt, she was addicted. Also, ever try a 69 position? That way she is being stimulated while she gives you oral sex. Or maybe just play with her clit gently while she goes down on you. Best of luck, dude
feedback during oral is a must, to be honest to the op, i think you need to sit down and talk to your girlfrienda bout this. dont rant at her about -everything-, but try to calmly explain to her that you feel like sex has shifted to being all about her and only about her, and that as much as you love pampering her in the berdoom you like to have some attention and focus too, that you love her love sex with her love cumming in her love orgasming with her around, etc. its not going to change overnight, but hopefully shell clue in a bit that sex isnt supposed to revolve around only one person
