Ok, so i've been with my boyfriend for nearly 4 years, and we've known each other all our lives as we grew up together. He was my first (I was not his). For as long as we've been together, our sex life has been very dull, and lately we've had no sex life at all. He hardly ever feels like having sex, we've talked about it time and time again. He just doesnt feel that its as important as the core emotions of our relationship, and when I try to explain to him that to me, it is part of the core relationship, he just says we are different people, says he will try to make it better, but nothing changes. I've gotten sexy clothes, lotions, everything I cant think of, and nothing seems to turn him on. I am always the one to initiate sex. It isn't even the amount of sex as it is the way we have sex, he talks to me in bed like he does at the grocery store. I'm so frusterated and so confused as he's 21 and has no sex drive. I don't want to break up as we have fun and connect in so many ways outside of the bedroom. Any ideas? I'm fresh out.
i think most guys hit their sexual peak at 18 or 19 women usually don't peak until the 30's. my bf is 31 and i am 36 and he has never in 7 years had much of a sex drive either. i could be stark naked and fingering myself and he will just walk by(not really but you get the idea).this really hits home for me too, we basically have sex once or twice a week and hey if any less i'd be pissed but when we do have sex it's great...i guess you could sit him down and make him understand how you feel at least then he can't say he didn't know how you felt...
This is just me sharing my experience. Please do not take this as me telling you exactly what your boyfriend's problem is. But I did have a very similiar experience when I was 18. My problem was not that I didn't want to have sex though. My problem was I found sex with my girlfriend to be boring and mundane. You see, she was very much into making love and being romantic and holding each other and, well, you get the picture -- I just wanted to fuck like animals. So, instead of going to her and telling her my problem, I would just try to be more aggresive in bed -- hoping she got the hint and played along. She never did. She'd always tell me to go slower, or softer, or something.. and over time, despite the fact that I thought she was an awesome person, I lost all sexual attraction to her. It got the point where I would just pleasure myself before or after we hung out, so that when we where together I wasn't even horny. Yea, I was a douche. It the end of the day, it could be a million different things.. and the only way you're going to find out if it's something you can fix or not, is to speak to him about it and tell him how you feel. The worse thing that happens is you find out you're not compatible together and find someone new. You're young, there's plenty of time.
some peopl just have lower libidos sometimes there are extrinsic causes (ie antidepressents) and sometimes they were just born with a low libido and thats that, they wont ever change no matter what i guess you get to decide how important sex is to you - if youc an put up with someone whos libido is like that for years and years, or if you should end it now/soon due to sexual incompatibility
Maybe having known each other you're entire lives he feels that sex truely is far less important than the emotional love he feels. perhaps he knows you emotionally alot better than he knows you phisically, and it just seems strange and awkward to him to partake in phisical love.......I guess I just don't know.....but for me at least relationships were always alot more emotionally stimulating when sex wasn't a main focal point and talking was... I also think that a main difference between men and women is that men typically have sex to relieve their hornyness, and women have sex to prove their love, believing it is a action of love ,and not an animalistic, instinctual urge, which is the way alot of men, and to an extent I feel...
