I'm ok with husand loving another woman

I don't think I would call what she is doing brave she is just being open to the posibilities of a different lifestyle. I think that it is amazing. Before this tread was ever even posted my fiance and I had talked about cheeting or atractions to someone else and how that would be handled. I know that he loves me more than anything in the world and I am the same way with him and we know if the situation arises we can openly talk to each other about it and come to a decision together. I believe that saying the you will cut off a guys nads or something horiable like that if he cheets is sad and in actuality women cheet more often then men do and women cheet emotionally not just physicially.

 

thats cool. but you gotta pick up on the sarcasm (is that even the right word?) No I would never cut his nuts off if he cheated, but I would sure as hell feel like it

But I thinks she's brave bc she's willing to just go with life's current which so much of us fight against, and I do occasionally instead of just trusting my life's plan. I believe your brave for being able to actually talk about that with your fiance. I cannot.

 

From everything I have learned and gained thru the whole affair is that communication is the key. My h and I never talked about any situation. I just assumed we would live happily ever after in my fairytale. Going thru this has opened my eyes to what the world is really like nowadays. It isn't a bad thing to love more than one person, it's just different. It also opened me up to the person I was hiding for so many years. I was exhausted raising 3 children-they are all teens now so it gives me more time to myself and to focus on our marriage a little more.

 

My view on relationships is that people should be as open and honest as possible. that way you know that if there are doubts and concerns it can be an open discussion and not a fight. We even talk to each other about what we find attractive about other people. We talk about everything.

 

how do you talk about sexual attraction to another? just curious.

 

I guess part of it is that you have to be really secure in your relationship. I will tell him if i think a guy is hot he doesn't mind when guys check me out or if I even flirt. I am a friendly person and that is just how I am. He is the same way. Girls flirt with him all the time in front of me and we talk about the ones he thinks are hot. We talk more then any other couple that I know. Instead of listening to the radio in the car we talk all day at work we chat or text and talk. You just have to be ok with yourself too I guess. I know that no matter who he is attracted to I will always come frist and he will always come first for me. I guess it is kind of hard to explain.

 

it's hard to understand. Are you bisexual? I tell friends of mine I love them, and kiss them on the check. I'm very nice by nature, but I see a big difference when it comes to relationships. If I find a guy cute, thats all it is, but it's not sexual in nature, so it does not distress our relationship or our lives. So what if he's cute? I love my fiance!! but there are plenty of beautiful people, whats the point in discussing it when it's whats on the inside that counts! I do not understand.

 

I've been reading this thread but staying out of it for a while.... I just wanted to add one thing though- which pretty much sums up how I feel about situations like this.... I think the key is what works for some people, might not work for others. There is no right or wrong.... people are just different.

 

umm..ya, My h and I are the exact same way now. We talk and talk and talk about our days and who we find attractive. I also believe that you have to be secure in the relationship you are in. I wasn't before. I also didn't like who I was. Now, I know that we will always be together, we come before everyone else, and I love who I am now that I am not "hiding". It is true that sometimes good can come from bad and in our case his affair brought out the better in us and we have become stronger as individuals and as a couple.

 

i am not bi. How would you get that out with what i wrote..... well any way. If you aren't open to it then you wont really ever understand it. Nothing we talk about distresses ot reltiaontship or our lives.

I kind of feel like I am having to defend my relationship and I refuse to do that.

 

i'm with you .i don't understand this either

 

It really isn't that hard to understand.....you either have open communication and talk about everything under the sun or you don't. When you get to this point, if ever, it is the most undescribable love there is. I can never find the right words anymore. I am beginning to see that there may not be any.
Umm..ya....I like talking with you. You don't have to defend yourself. Just say what is on your mind. Who cares what others think....

 

Thanks I always do. I guess part of it is that i am willing to open myself fully and share every part of me. i have not secrets from my fiance he knows everything there is about me and I know the same about him. Caterpillar you are so right you can't describe that kind of love or relationship because most people don't have it and aren't open to it.

 

i have open communication with my bf of 7 years......we have a great relationship he is my best friend, a great lover, a great provider everything i ever wanted in a man however i don't understand what looking at other people and communicating how they look and how hot they are is interseting conversation at the least. check this out why not comment on how each of you look hot and how sexy or irressitable you two are????sounds like good conversation to me and there is no room for jealousy...and don't tell me your not jealous because jealousy is a natural feeling and just because we don't agree with it doesn't mean we are wrong.....

 

I AM NOT JEALOUS!!!!!!!!! why should I be? I know he loves me and thinks I am the best and the prettiest he tells me all the time and I tell him he the the most georgious man all the time becasue he is. but because we are in relatioship with eachother doesn't mean we are dead or shut off from other things and people. And i never said you where wrong I just said that if you aren't open to it then you will never understand it. It takes being so confident inyourself and your relaitonship that the little joalousy devil doesn't show his nasty self.

 

jeez i didn't mean to upset you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!i have eyes too and obviously i am not dead and i'm quite sure my bf looks too but to sit there and engage in conversaton about "damn she's hot " or wow look at his package mmmmm is a little adolescent i don't care how perfect you think your beautiful realtionship is...and trust me i am completely secure and confident in all of my relationships, so save your holier than thou preaching for the church.....

 

you didn't upset me. you have no idea how we talk to each other so don't get bitch when I respond with the way that I feel and you think that it's as juvinal as you have mad it seem you are greatly mistaken and that is sad that you have to judge and try to make someone look bad for having ideals that are different than yours. I am not preaching not in the least I was just trying to explain when someone asked me to and if you can't handle that it's not my problem.

 

I'm open to the notion that it works for others. I don't think I said anything that would give you the impression that I'm close minded. I just don't understand this topic on a personal level because I cannot relate to it... and the Bi thing came about bc my bi-sexual friends tend to be more open about this kind of thing, and into swinging in general

 

ummya, you are the first person that has come along that thinks the same as me...I am so glad you are here....I never use to like this-acutally I was totally opposite...I was very jealous, lived in a fantasy world that everthing would always be happy, that nothing bad could ever happen. I took my marriage for granted.....I took my husband for granted.....his affair opened my eyes to how the world really has changed. I believe that he loves me and he wants to be with me. He could have left but he stayed and that made me feel like we can make it through anything now. It gave me the security I was looking for, (there are many other things that have contributed to this also, not just this one thing) I'm not jealous and if I do get that way, we talk about it. Once in awhile it springs up but not very often. The part about talking to each other about other people, its a way of sharing, on an intimate level, the part that most people hide from each other. It's a normal part of being a human being, why not share something that is natural.

 

Thank you so much. You have explained it much better than I did. I guess a good way of thinking about it is that we share everything with each other on every level.