up north

Discussion in 'Poetry' started by Jack Maundrell, Aug 10, 2007.

  1. Jack Maundrell

    Jack Maundrell C.A.P

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    this sublime crystallized lake shimmers its reflection
    penetrating deep within my soul
    A barrage of colours scours the sky
    creating a painting that seems universally unbound
    enhanced by the trees that glide through the wind
    unchanging froze in time that stands statuesque
    the smell of brisk rain off in the distance
    fills my nose with an overwhelming sense of meaning
    peace and tranquility blanket the land
    such a majestic place this is
     
  2. Malapascua

    Malapascua Member

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    Aaa-yu,
    Caaan't get they-a from hey-a......
     
  3. nakedundermyclothes

    nakedundermyclothes Member

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    i liked it...it was good.
     
  4. dezmondzpipe

    dezmondzpipe Member

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    I pretty much loved this poem, but the last part where you said "I love it" doesn't fit with the magesty of the preceding words....I think I would like it better if it ended just with "such a majestic place this is" giving the entire poem a feeling of awe and grandure...
     
  5. Jack Maundrell

    Jack Maundrell C.A.P

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    I should have spaced it out better
     
  6. dezmondzpipe

    dezmondzpipe Member

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  7. redyelruc

    redyelruc The Yard Man

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    Nice poem. Very visual. Leaves me dreaming of Alaska.
    I agree with dezmondz, get rid of 'I love it'.
    It leaves the mind with more chance to expand.

    Good write,
    Aidan.
     

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