Is it vain or conceited of me?

To request that those women that I choose to date or be with, be physically fit? I dont expect a perfect body. Im even ok with a little squish, I simply can not find a woman attractive if she is bigger around than myself. It is not so much a matter of size however, as it is a matter of health. 60% of americans are overweight, its hard to find people these days that are concerned about their health and physical fitness. I need to be with somebody who is active and can keep up with me, a woman with energy and stamina.

Im sure I represent a majority of "fit" men out there, and I realize that this goes both ways as there is a just as many men that neglect their health and fitness as well. Im just curious what you all think in regards to physical fitness of your partners.

 

you cant help who turns you on and who doesnt. i just hope that you would still love your partner if they were to develop a condition that made them gain weight, or if they gained weight over the years.

personally, im heavier than my bf. noticeably so. but we love each other and it doesn tmatter to us - were turned on by each other, by who we are more than the bodies were in

 

Actually, I'm a full figured woman, and it's rare anymore that you actually run into this as an issue. I mean, I'm upfront. I'm beautiful. I carry myself with pride and I feel good about who I am, and it carries over into how I relate to people.

I think that the issue comes moreso when a person doesn't carry themself with pride. They reflect what the feel about themself onto someone else.

But I agree, you can't help who you are attracted to. I'm not so much a stickler on the physical thing as I am on personality. A guy has to be on the same wavelength with me intellectually for me to be attracted. And I need someone who is totally open-minded. So, I could totally see myself being turned way off by someone who can't hold an interesting conversation or who chooses to bash people or groups.

It can go the same way with the physical, of course.

 

Exactly. To me it doesn't matter how actually "fat" you may be by medical standards, if you carry yourself well and believe yourself to be beautiful, you are. Simple as that...

I'd rather be with a full cofident BBW (Big Beautiful Woman) then a skinny supermodel who is always trying to throw up her last meal or worried about how fat she is. Just accept your body and as long as your healthy then who cares...

 

I am the same way.... I happen to hold high standards physically for the opposite sex.....but, the people I have dated have been in their late teens/early 20's so it's not like it's an impossible standard....

My boyfriend has always been pretty fit and lately he is starting to get the summer chub(like he used to have defined pecs but now he just has small boobs haha)....... but I love him so I really don't mind..... on the other hand, if some less than fit person were to hit on me, I would most likely turn them down

I don't feel bad about this because I am pretty fit myself..... but I also have to agree with the others..... if the person just had an amazing personality (like my bf) It really wouldn't matter what they looked like

 

Well like I said... its not so much about being overweight that I have a problem with. Its the health standards that a person holds themselves to. I am a physically active person and I would prefer that my partner be as active as I am. If a larger person was able to complete a long hike, or run a couple miles with me in the morning, then certainly I would consider them fit by my standards. Same thing applies to overly skinny women as well. They are typically not in great shape either and I am personally not turned on by it.

I do not mean to offend anybody by saying this... In my opinion, being overweight implies a lack of self discipline. Which happens to be a personality trait that I hold to extremely high standards. This may or may not be true in every case, but to me at least it seems logical.

There are other traits that I also hold to high standards, including; intelligence, sense of humor, patience, honesty, spontaneity, and sexual likes/dislikes. I suppose I am a very picky person, but at the very least I know exactly what I am looking for and would like to think that it would just "click" if I found it. The problem is, what do I do in the mean time? lol

Anyhow, am I alone in this obsession? Would you consider me a lesser person for adhering to such beliefs? Please, be honest.

 

There is absolutely nothing wrong with having high standards and in general I have to express a degree of agreement with overweight implying a lack of self-discipline but must caution you not to prejudge all overweight people in that manner. There is a significant number who predisposed to being overweight because of metabolism issues.. and the self-discipline issue usually isn't just simple overeating.

Many people seem to miss the concept of being in charge of their health- opting I suppose to believe that it's some government agency's duty to ensure that the hundreds of gallons of soda they drink and tons of crap they eat are not fattening. It's this mindset that makes it ok in peoples' minds to file suit against McDonald's- expecting a jury to hold the corporation responsible for the plaintiff's obesity. The profoundly sad and pessimistic fact is that it's very possible for a skilled practitioner of "lawyering" to selectively seat a panel that will find a fast food giant liable for an individual's excesses.

A community ethic that absolves a person of responsibility for his own excesses is a by-product of a greater decline and people who have mindsets enabling liability to be transplanted in such a manner are repulsive in my estimation... attraction isn't even in the picture.

 

No, I take full responisibility for what I look like, but to say that I'm lazy or lack discipline is just ridiculous, and I do take some offense to that. I do not over-eat, and I get moderate exercise. If I wanted to lose the weight, I would do more to do so. It's not beyond me, my will, my discipline, or my level of physical activity to do that. BUT, I choose not to because this is my choice, not anyone else's, and to group all overweight people into the same category is a bit closed-minded.

I mean, I can hear people saying now, "Who would choose to be overweight?" But then I could ask the same about those women who choose to be skeletons. Or I could ask the same about the women who bodybuild and look like men. I don't because I try not to prejudge.

If you choose not to date people like this, then that's your choice, but to make assumptions and to stereotype is wrong.

 

I said it was my personal opinion on the subject, I even said "This may or may not be true in every case". I never said it was true for everyone, and I never implied that anybody was lazy. I simply said I personally see it as a lack of self discipline. It is something that CAN and should be controlled as it does have undeniably adverse effects on your health. Seems reasonable enough, does it not?

I know, in fact, that this is NOT true in every situation however, as I know several people (mostly men, but that is irrelevant) that are at least 40-50 pounds overweight and can more than keep up with me and even surpass me in some ways.

I apologize for offending you, but I do not believe that I am stereotyping. Stereotyping would be saying I would not want to date blond women because they are stupid (which is obviously not true). I am simply using a process of deductive reasoning in saying that somebody who is obviously over or underweight, will most certainly also have certain physical restrictions which would prevent them from participating in the active lifestyle that I enjoy. Its like saying "that is a bus, it will obviously not fit in my garage", no pun intended.

Obviously I cant expect everybody to agree. However you cannot disagree that everybody could certainly use a little exersize on occasion.

 

Your not a bad person because you don't like lazy fatties.

 

I think most people think and feel the exact same as you Zen, fitness, youth and fertility is basically what is considered sexually attractive, in all animals not just humans, thats just how were programed to ensure the continuation of the species.

 

Thank you for that response. Im not sure what kind of answer I was looking for but I feel that is probably the only logical conclusion.

 

On the original post, I'm totally with ya there, Zen.

I pretty much feel the same way. I'm a bit different from you physically though 'cause I'm pretty much a lousy athelete, but I try to do what I can to stay in some sort of reasonable fitness. I stay skinny because I don't really care all that much about food (that sounds kinda weird, but it's hard to explain...unless I'm eating socially, I don't eat much at all).

Anyway, back on topic, I don't think it's too much to ask that I (and you) expect the women we date to take care of their bodies and remain reasonably slim, because I do the same. For others to expect a slender person to "settle" for an overweight person because of "political correctness" is silly.

 

i must say im surprised by the responses to thsi thread. im an overweight woman but i took no offence to what the OP was saying... he said it in a very respectful manner as far as i could tell.

maybe im in the wrong, but he didnt seem to be saying anything to be hurtful, just expressing that he prefers women who are fit. i prefer skinny nerds with long hair. does that make me mean or shallow, or cruel to the athletic bulked up men with buzzcuts? no, just means i have preferences. i should also add that as a woman who ahs been overweight all her life, ive had no problems attracting men who loved my body and sex with me along with my personality, so, um, theres someone for everyone, zen just aint gonna be your man if your out of shape *shrugs*

 

I'm not saying anything new here, I'm just voicing support for the poster.


Here's a bit of simple logic


I think my preferences are similar to most other healthy males. I am a healthy male. I don't want to date anyone who I am not attracted to. Physical attraction is a very large part of overall attraction (along with personality attraction). Health is a vague term but probably constitutes most of physical attraction, possibly all of it. Therefore, if a woman is unhealthy they stand a poor chance of being desired by the average healthy male.

 

Perhaps I overreacted in my response to your second post. But I guess when I read the phrase "lack of discipline" I did make an assumption. That's not like me.

It's safe to assume that everyone has preferences, and just because they're not the same doesn't mean they're any better or worse (or more or less conceited) than the other person's. I have been known to to choose a person based on certain things... not necessarily physical features as opposed to personality. I need a guy who is creative, intelligent, and can make me laugh. If he lacks one of those things... then it's probably not going to work in the long run.

Everyone deserves who they want. And I apologize for jumping you.

 

oops.... doube post... apologies.

 

Similar to my normal pic. Right now, the guy I'm crushing on is skinny and a little nerdy. No long hair, though. The last guy I was with was about 5'4" (I'm 5'8") and skinny, wore glasses, was nerdy... of course I found him adorable at the time... so yes, I'm guilty of it, too. :& This is actually why (more than anything) I decided to recant my mean post...

 

The only reason I asked this question in the first place is because I got in this conversation with my brothers girlfriend. She basically came to the conclusion that I was a "jerk" for basing my opinion on what she perceived to be an unimportant character trait. I commend her for being able to look past that, however it is more than just physical attraction as I stated earlier. It has mostly to do with health and self discipline, both of which are personality traits which I find important in a person I am with.

Anyhow, like I said, sorry if I offended anybody. I was jus curious if the majority of you would come to the same conclusion that she did.

 

Some people like blondes, some don't. How is that different than liking a certain body type? It isn't. You aren't being shallow just expressing your preferences.

As far as overweight people lacking self discipline. Oh how I wish that was always the case. I have gained weight over the past 5 years, and no matter how hard I tried not to I kept gaining more. I was constantly at my doctors office trying to figure out why and all she said was "watch what you put in your mouth." Finally after years of going through hell my doctor confirmed a diagnosis. I am slowly dropping the weight, but have had years of hating my body and feeling like hell. Now I suffer through every meal because I starved my body for years. I am lucky because I have a wonderful husband. He has stood by me through everything always telling me how beautiful I am, and making me eat when he was home. I went from being in perfect condition to unhealthy and overweight, but he has never made me feel bad about myself.

I guess my point is to me shallow would be someone that wanted perfection and wasn't willing to compromise or be understanding.