midnight wandering

Discussion in 'Poetry' started by shobs, Aug 20, 2007.

  1. shobs

    shobs Member

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    the canopy is thick
    devouring the energy of nights endevours
    rendering pathways endless until morn
    the trees stepped quietly into the lake
    the man lays hidden behind the moon, smiling
    all that dwell in that old sweetened forest
    awake
     
  2. shobs

    shobs Member

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    i was fucking TRIPPING in the boundary waters canoe area wen i wrote this btw
     
  3. MagnanimityMan

    MagnanimityMan Member

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    i like it, i really like it
     
  4. shobs

    shobs Member

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    thx dude, all criticisms are welcome!
     
  5. Vetty214

    Vetty214 Hip Forums Supporter HipForums Supporter

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    I appreciate this one, trip away if that's what it takes to get this good. I especially like "devouring" and "endeavors" in the same line and "rendering" and "endless" together in the same line. You definitely have music playing in your head with this one. Thanks for sharing, Vetty214
     
  6. KittenX

    KittenX Purrrific

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    Short, visual, and easy to connect to, no extra fluff is a plus.
     
  7. elayne

    elayne no longer available

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    Good job! It flows pleasantly.
     

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