I've been dating my current boyfriend for 10 months. I'm about to start college here in my city on monday, but i want to transfer out of state. my best friend is going to the college i want to go to. the thing is though, my boyfriend said he'd leave me if i went out of state. and its not just that. lately he's been taking jokes too far. like, i'll tell him he's crossing a line and that its not funny anymore but he keeps on doing whatever isn't funny. also, I'm pagan. he's an athiest. he doesn't even believe in the concept of a soul. i feel bad because he's so accepting of my beliefs but i can't seem to accept his lack of beliefs. I'm realizing that if we ever get married and have kids, all the religious/spiritual upbringing would fall on me, and anything he would say would undercut anything I say. like if i told them santa was so real and so awesome, but he said to them that santa was a load of poo. its really hard to deal with because i'd like to find someone with some of the same beliefs as me. I don't really know what to do. I love him, I really do, its just that lately all these problems are happening at once, during this really scary new part of my life. I don't feel that I can really spread my wings unless I leave home for college, and he's not understanding that. He's not going back to school. I'm nearly at my wits end. My best friend is doing the "dump him" routine, and while I value her opinion, she never really liked him. Does anybody have any advice? any at all would be awesome. thanks.
I agree with your frienI. Why stay with someone who's beliefs differ so much from yours if neither of you are accepting? There are so many great and interesting and open minded guys out there and you're going away to college. Why be tied down? I wish so bad that I was single my freshman year. I would have had so much more fun.
Some people are unsure how to act when such a huge change (like going to college) is around the corner and as such they may seem unlike their normal selves. Believe me, I've seen it many, many times. They're just afraid of the unknown Also, keep in mind that some people change radically during their freshman year at college, just keep that in mind. I know that this is a difficult situation, and I wish you the best!
It sounds like your lives are drifting apart so it will probably happen anyway. Whether you break up or not you need to tell him you are going to the college you want to go to. You will hold that resent against him for the rest of you life if you don't. If he can't move to be with you or dumps you then so be it. Good luck.
"my boyfriend said he'd leave me if i went out of state" Love, of course, comes with a certain amount of compromise and change... usually positive... but not that kind... that's emotional blackmail to keep yer there.... you know that kitfer Get yer butt to college... leave the ball in his court ... and when yer there and settled... talk with him and see if his feelings have really changed as dramatically as he presumes they will after yer've left... and if yours have changed too of course You ain't gonna be a 70yr old, stuck in the same town, wondering "wot if" kit... yer too bright and the world is just too big for that..... it's up to yer fella if he wants to come along for the ride with ya.... or up to you if you wanna stay there, keep him happy, but continue going in circles on the same old merry-go-'round... Get out there on monday... spread yer wings.. flap around a little.... everything changes... and if yer relationship is part of that change.... sometimes it's just part of the deal..... but yer know yer gotta do it <3
We had this huge talk about my wanting to go to Iowa. I told him, flat out, that I'd been wanting to go since before we met. Apparently, I misunderstood. He told me that if I went to Hawai'i, we'd break up. (I was looking at the U of Hawaii at the time). we reall discussed our feelings, and he seems okay with my wanting to go. He said he'd visit me once in a while, and he was excited because then he'd get to move in with his friends (we were planning on living together. I'm still not 100% sure about the other issues though. Thank you all for the advice. I truely will take it to heart. I know that I'll end up changing in college, but hopefully, if its meant to be, we'll change together. If not, then it really wasn't meant to be.
you all were right on the money & you kity know what your doin i dont see alotta hope tho but theres hope.. when you try to discus spirituality & your feelings & stuff though does he really get you? im glad hes accepting idaho though but even if u chose to goto school in india how could he say hed leave you if he loves you?
He doesn't understand anything I say about spirituality. He doesn't believe in the concept of souls, even. He's pretty much "if i can't see it and you can't explain it with science, i don't believe in it". I tried to explain stuff to him but he just kept referencing Christianity (which i wasn't talking about at all). And soaringeagle, you're right. But his fear is that we'd never see eachother for a really long time and I'D stop loving HIM. Crazy, but that's what he thinks. His reasoning is that Iowa is only a 6 hr drive from here, and he could visit me regularly. Hawai'i on the other hand, he'd never be able to visit.
