They found his body....

Ok, this is more a venting about my living situation than anything else, but I just need to tell somebody.


Last august, I moved in with this woman because I was out of the dorms and needed a place to stay. Everything was fine the first semester.

Then, over christmas, her son Sean moved in. He's 26 and was going through a divorce (married at 21) and I met him for the first time in january. I was busy last semester, and we're both kinda quiet people, so for the first month or two we never really said much to each other. One day, we struck up a conversation, and he seemed pretty nice. We started talking on a fairly regular basis after that, he'd wait up for me, since I wouldn't get home until 11 or so, and we'd sit and chat while made myself dinner. It was really nice.

After a few weeks, I began to think that he liked me, but I brushed it off, and didn't really want to think it was true. But then I started getting paranoid that I was projecting, and maybe I really liked him, but I didn't want to like him, and blah blah blah.

Well, nothing ever "happened" between us, and I was glad, because it would have been really awkward given our living arrangement. But then around May, he started to change. He was gone partying all the time, getting drunk, and he started smoking pot again (he had quit for five months because he couldn't handle it emotionally). Then at the end of may I went to Africa for a month. While I was there, we exchanged a few e-mails and such, and I was fine, but during the last five days or so I really started to miss him. I had alot I wanted to talk about, and process from the trip, and I was looking forward to going home and talking again.

When I got home, he gave me a hug, and was all nice for a few hours. Then he was gone again. Essentially, I have not had a conversation with him since. He's gone ALL the time, he has a fuck-buddy now, so he doesn't even sleep here really. Basically, he's a loser, and I never wanted to develop feelings for him, because it's not really that I like him. It's availability, that's it, and maybe a little curiousity...and pheramones. God, I hate pheramones.

But like it or not, I started to get upset. Here's the thing: I don't open up to men emotionally. I don't really have an emotional connection with any man, and I never have. If you want to get Freudian, it's got alot to do with my dad, but anyway.....Back in the spring, I was going through some emotional stuff, and he started prodding me to open up about it. I was hesistant, but he was opening up too about his divorce, so I thought it could be, if nothing else, a chance to grow as a person for me. So I talked to him about it alot, and at the time I felt better, but when I got home and all of a sudden I don't exist, yeah, I felt like shit.

So I started to get pissed, and a situation arose involving his dog, my out-of-town guest, and his mom, and I asked him to intervene, and he started laughing about it (because he thinks his dog is the funniest thing in the world) and I got pissed and told him to fuck off. And after that, we really didn't speak for a few days. He was never there anyway, but when he was, it was just alot of awkward, pretend-the-other-person-isn't-there exchanges in the kitchen.

Then, all hell broke loose. My landlady (his mother) had this boyfriend for nine years. They never lived together, but I had met him a number of times. Well, he went missing for almost a week, and then, the sheriff's department found his car near the edge of a cliff by the beach.

I immediately thought suicide, because he has a history with drug abuse and depression. But over the next few days, it became appearant that he had gone for a swim (he left his wallet, keys, and phone in the car, and he was an avid swimmer/diver), and something had happened. My landlady was upset, understandably, but the hardest part is that they never found the body.

I didn't know what to do. I supported her as best I could, and Sean did too, but, (and please, I don't want this to sound insensitive in anyway) it was hard, because right before this whole situation happened, I was going to send him an e-mail, asking if we could go somewhere and talk (I would have told him in person, but he was never around) because at this point it had gotten to the point where I was considering moving out, but then when it happened, I knew the timing would have been bad, so I put it off until things calmed down a bit. Not to mention, I would have felt really guilty talking to my landlady about moving out right when her boyfriend dies.

Well, I ended up sending the e-mail eventually. It was pretty long, and I opened up about alot, and why I was upset (although I never said anything about liking him). That was about 3 weeks ago, and he's never brought it up. Nothing. I've considered that he might not have gotten it, but I know it's the right address since it's the one I used before.

So now, I was thinking about just asking him to coffee or something, to clear everything, because I still would much rather deal with this like a mature adult instead of running off somewhere because of him.

Now, just as I was thinking this, no less than one and a half hours before writing this, I was on Yahoo and I looked in the local section of the news and I see this headline: "BODY FINALLY WASHES ASHORE" It was the same beach he went missing at. And the body was too decomposed for them to identify, but I know it's him. The article even mentioned that a man (her boyfriend) had gone missing three weeks before from the same area.

Immediately after reading it, I had to go out and have dinner with her and her family. I didn't say anything. I felt it would have been inappropriate, and I wanted her to find out through someone else (she's really close friends with his mother, who lives in the area). But it sucks, and it was so uncomfortable when she started talking about him, and i just sat there. But I know she'll find out eventually, it just felt so weird.

And now, this also means I probably won't get to talk to Sean for another few weeks, until this calms down. It's so FRUSTRATING. Everytime I want to talk, something dramatic has to happen to prevent it. And it's hard to watch her in so much pain too--I don't want to seem insensitive here. (Sean was never that close to him, but I'm sure it's hard for him too).

There's so much drama here, I'm exhausted and I needed to vent.

Thanks.

 

That really sucks for all who are in the situation. I feel for all of you. I hope that things will get better soon.

 

Wow, intense situation. My heart goes out to your landlady. I couldn't imagine being in her shoes. I'm sorry you're caught in the middle of all this, too. But it sounds like you're handling it well. I can imagine it must be frustrating, but I'd delay trying to figure things out with Sean until his mom's situation calms down a bit. As screwed up as it is, your presence in the house could actually be quite a help to your landlady in her time of need. You can always vent or talk to us on here if you're feeling overwhelmed. Best of luck.

 

i cant believe i actually read that entire thing, but anyways sorry for all your stress hopefully everything gets better soon

 

Oh wow... you had to sit through dinner while they discussed him, having already read that... that's terrible.

He is at more peace in the afterlife than he ever would have had in this life, people who self-destruct out of depression are sometimes simply taken back home by God so that they can stop suffering. I had a childhood friend who went down a really bad path, became a gangbanger, did alot of meth, probably robbed and killed people, we stopped talking at age 12 and he hung himself a couple years back before he turned 20. This happens in so many different ways and affects alot of people, if it has greatly affected you consider if life is trying to teach you a lesson. What that lesson is nobody can say except you and God, (whether or not you believe in that thing.)

Take care

 

Well, she knows now. I was pretty sure she'd hear sooner or later. The DNA tests haven't come back yet, but it was found at the same beach, so we're 99% sure.

All in all, I'd say she's taking it pretty well. She's said from the beginning that she just wants closure, and now maybe she'll get it. Metacomet--they don't think it was suicide. That's what I thought at the beginning too, but it turns out he's an avid swimmer and diver, and was trying to challenge himself. He'd always lived life in the fast lane.

As for my personal opinion of him, I won't go into that. I respect the dead, and what's done is done. I'm not gonna say it didn't affect me, but I'm handling myself well now. I feel better now that she knows. As soon as they claim the body, they're going to cremate him and we'll have a ceremony here at the house. It should be nice.

My roommate and I still aren't really talking, but I'm not as worried now. It sucks, because I'll be fine for days, and then I'll just hit this low period when I'm kinda already stressed about other things, and I'll get upset about everything all over again. It comes in waves, and I'm just trying to ride it as best I can.

 

venting always helps. hope everything works out. It seems best that you forget sean though from what i have read.