Will i ever be able to get over it?

I was sexually assaulted on the way home from work last October, the incident has really shook me up and i haven't been the same since.

Things haven't been easy. My Brother was killed when he was 6, I've had to have a restraining order against my crazy sister in law, i was bullied at school and i suffer with severe anger problems, i can throw temper tantrums like a 4 year old, which i'm pretty sure isn't normal now that i'm nearly 20.

dispite everything that happened in the past, i've managed to keep a lid on things. The rage has turned into slow burning anger and resentment towards my relatives.

Ever since the assault i've become a complete recluse, I never go out with friends. My best friend is lucky enough to see me once a month,i never stay out after 4pm becase i'm just too frightened of people. i spend most of my time just sat at the computer and never look after myself or my surroundings. I eat loads of junk food which can leave me feeling really sick at night.

Well, i'm gonna end it there for now. But i just wanted to break my silence, and what better way than to do it anonymously on the internet.

 

You should seek the company of people who have/had the same problems. For you, being alone means indulgment in negative things. Find a support group.

In your case, talking about it is a healthy start. Drag it out in the light of day so it can be examined. Things often look bigger in the shadows.

Something like karate would work wonders for you. You need a way to vent. Safely. You've seen the problems that are creating by holding it in.

Time to exhale.


x

 

Good advice. Seek therapy. Having someone to talk to that won't judge you will help out a lot. Find outlets.

Peace and love

 

Thats not a bad idea I used to do jujitsu when i was a kid but i had to stop because i was getting bad headaches (probably because of the harsh lighting in the training hall)

I did Karate for a while, but i found that a bit too technical and i couldn't really get into it, whereas i excelled quite well in jujitsu and enjoyed it.

From what you guys said i have realised that i really do need to find an outlet, i'm probably storing up so much negative energy and stress i probably don't even realise how big it is, hopefully when i go to university this year i will get the chance to meet new people and hopefully release some tension.

thanks for the advice

 

hmmm, I don't know. I haven't gotten over it, rather I've copped and developed healthier ways of dealing with it. I don't think sexual assault is something you really ever get over. I can promise you that it gets easier with time. The first couple of years afterwards are tough.
I think everything happens for a reason though.I don't know why God through that at me, but I trust there is a reason

 

I broke my silence on this site as well several years ago. You do need to talk tot a professional.

As far as the eating goes I went from weighing 110 pounds to weighing 160 pounds in four months after the assault happened. The fat is kinda like a layer of protection. I struggle very hard not to gain weight when I am sexually active-it's tough for me because it's a mental thing

 

Hi Bella

I'm sorry to hear that you wen't through the same thing, I hope it does get easier as time goes by.

It sounds like you and me have the same belief system I don't really have a religion but i do believe that it is a universal truth, although when i hit on hard times i do sometimes wonder if it's true.

If any good has come out of it, i've become a bit more streetwise, and i carry a personal attack alarm with me everywhere now.

Thanks for the advice

 

There are good people out there, just try to go out more and fell better. I know there is some fucked up stuff int he world but you can;t let it stop you from being happy.

 

That's what i will do when i move to Chichester this September, the thaught of getting away from where i live now is enough to make me happy lol

 

I think you should go out and find someone to talk to. Once you talk to someone about what bothers you and everything you will fell a lot better. Even if your scaredand hate going out, try and force yourself to go out and im not saying go to a bar or club or anything, instead of only seeing your best friend once a month try seeing her 4 times a month and got to her house and watch a movie or something, or maybe go out to eat at a restaurant that you've never been to. I've had some problems before and i wish i would have had someone to talk to sooner. About a year ago and sometime around march this yearr i tried killing myself. I went into my parents room and grabbed my dads gun that was hidden under all of his clothes, went into my room, wrote a note telling them why i was killing myself and how sorry i was for all the trouble i have caused them, and then put the gun to my head and was veyr very close to pulling the trigger but i didnt because i thought of my future and how much i will hurt the people that actually care about me. My whole life in school ive been teased, my grandma and aunt would always say im fat and thast im never going to find a guy that likes me for me im only going to find someone that will use me, my brother never stuck up for me when his friends would say something about me he would just make fun of me with them, my aunt would always tell me and my cousin (whose her own son) that my borther was her favorite out of the three of us because he was the first born but really its because he was the skinny healthy popular funny kid that everybody loved, and then to top everything off my brother got cancer 2 years ago in january and one of my really good friends died in a car accident that i was in. I watched my friend be thrown from a car at 75mph and hit his head on a highway sign and the only reason why me and my other friends were unharmed was because we had our seat belts on. When all this happend i had no one to talk to and when someone would ask whats wrong to me i would start off telling them but they wouldnt listen. They would just go on and on about something that was bothering them or they would say there sorry and then go talk to someone else. After the second time almost killing myself i stopped because i knew that if i i changed the way i am then ill feel better and wont be so upset about everythingand ill be happy for once in my life. Then i started losing weight, met new people and then met the love of my life. Now i have someone to talk to about anything and everything and i can trust him. So basically just try and find someone to talk to, someone you can trust like a friend or maybe even try therapy. I hope everything works out for you and i hope things will get better. Sorry if i rambled on about everything, i just thought if you heard a story of something kindof like yours but not even that close you would think about some things. If you do ever need someone to talk to i know im someone on the forums and you might think i am wierd but im really not, im a normal person just like everybody else.

 

Thats okay, i don't think you are wierd lol by the sound of it what you went through must have been really horrific and i'm glad that you are finding the strength to carry on

love your sig pic BTW