i think maybe i just need to type this out.

So, I recently ended my first 'real' relationship with a girl. We were together for 5 months, and for the most part, it was absolutely amazing. We bought rings, wanted a ceremony, were planning to live together. It was fast, kind of a little too fast for me, but we've known each other for years through mutual friends. Then, everything suddenly dissolved. She got a job that required her to be away during the week, so we never saw each other. When we met for the weekend, she was completely unaffectionate and it made me feel like she didn't want to be with me anymore. Insecure? Maybe so. The point? We've started hanging out again as friends. We talk on the phone probably three times a day. She visits and stays for the weekend. We share a bed, but not sex. I wear my ring on my right hand now. So...I don't know. Does this kind of thing work? I really want her to know I will never leave her, even though I did, because I got scared. Now she's insinuating it was her fault because she just found out she has a borderline personality disorder and her change in attitude was related to that. I want her to know that I support her. I really want the life we were building. I want her to have babies, etc. I'm a hopeless romantic. Ugh! But at the same time, I don't want to jeopardize the friendship we are building now, either. If I mention the slightest thing about dating anyone else she freaks, but at the same time, she hasn't made any effort to rekindle things, so should I? I guess the best part is that I have a great friend, but I still feel it, and I know she does too. At least I came out to my family due to the breakup. That's an amazing, freeing feeling!

 

She sounds like too much drama. I definetly think you should have a talk with her.

 

Going through something very similar myself. Its extremely confusing and I wish I had advice for you. I suppose the best advice I can give, and take myself, is to just keep communicating. Dont push either of you into something you dont want right now. Just keep the lines of communication open and talk about what to do from here. And just remind yourself, I know I do, that everything happens for a reason and if its meant to be it will. That doesnt mean give up, it just means make sure not to push. Make sense? Good luck to you, I know its hard. Trust me.

Lilac

 

How are things now with her?

 

thanks for the responses. i spent a lot of time with her since i moved and before starting law school, and finally realized, what's done is done. it turned into this really antagonistic thing where she didn't want to be with me, says she's going to be straight, etc., yet needs to call and check in on me everyday. very unhealthy and controlling, for what reason? and if i don't answer it's, 'i know where you were last night.' okay, so what? i only want to surround myself with positive people, and i hope to exude positive energy for others. so, in order for that to happen, i have decided to cease communication with her and move forward with my life. when i told her i was interested in other people, but refused to tell her who, she said i was being childish. but really, there are just certain aspects of my life of which i don't want her to be involved. we choose our happiness and our despair, for the most part. and sometimes things seem so detrimental, but once we remove ourselves a bit, we realize they were just experiences we needed to have in order to learn a valuable lesson. this was one of mine.