Came Out To Parents and they forgot?

Okay, i'm Rachelle (Vincent now) and i'm going to be a Sohpmore in high school. Quite a few months back i came out and told my parents about me being an FtM. It was more to my mom that i told, my Dad wasnt really paying attention. Or maybe he just didnt get it (he's not too bright). But anyways, it was after a friend of mine had kidnapped me, and my mom told me to tell her all the secrets. Just as a way for her to trust me. She thought i went with him willingly. >.< It was all very confusing. But i was in tears and told her all about the FtM thing. She said i was still a growing girl and it was a phase. I told her it wasnt. I mean, i didnt show most the signs as a kid because i was really shy. And i had so much female influence, i just followed what they did. But i really would play with my brother every chance i got. And i hated dresses. But i thought maybe my mom was right. My random obbsessions i tend to get usually only lasted a week (even thought i had been thinking of this since kindergarten... that i was really a guy).

Just a little about my past, to make things clear. And i really feel the need to tell people about me.

When i was younger, from a baby to preeschool, i was raised by my grandma. She basically raised me and my cousins. That was a lot of people. I had an older brother, too. But my main friend was Rachael, my cousin who was six months older than me. She and I were always together. But she really liked barbie dolls, when i preferred to play with Ken. I truely remember me never dressing up anyone but Ken, even if it was putting him in Barbie's dresses. (My grandma used to have a trunk full of barbies and kens, so thats where we played all the time. Since then some mexicans stole it. D: It sucks)

So i acted pretty much like a girl when i was little. That was due to having Rachael for a friend. But after i started going to school, that changed. I didnt like the girls at my school too much. I had a friend named Sunny, but she was mean to me once and i stopped the friendship there. God, i was a selfish brat back then.

But after that i befriended two boys, Cortland and Connor. The three of us were always together. And in 2nd grade, i befriended Nathan (he's still my best friend to this day). They were my only friends. I always wore jeans and tshirts to look like them. But my mom always made me have hair no shorter than to my shoulders. I was still a bit shy back then, so i didnt press the matter.

But then came the icky girl stage where all boys suddenly hate girls. Connor and Cortland stopped being my friend around the middle of 3rd grade. But Nathan still was. So i found the most tom-boyish girl in the school and befriended her. But she had some girly friends too, so i got a little influence. Until 6th grade, i had both boy and girl friends.

In 6th grade and 7th grade, everyone was always in mixed groups with boys and girls. But 7th grade changed my perspective. I found a magazine (i was subscribed to Teen People) article about transexuals. It was truely new for me. I immediatelly thought that was completely me. The thought of actually becoming a guy was a new idea.

So by 8th grade, i had a lot of boys clothes already and got my hair as short as my mom would allow. I didnt tell her anything about FtMs. I knew she's completely flip out.

And then came 9th grade, when early in the year i was kidnapped by a guy named Jon. Thats where i started this rant, and i told my mom.

Later, like a few months later, i brought it up with my mom again. She was watching a show about it on TV, and we ended up watching it together. I brought it up and she acted as if i had never told her and it was all a new concept to her. She brought me out into the Living Room and we had a talk. She said not to make any rash descisions about myself. She said i couldnt possibly be a guy, and it was all in my head. I told her it wasnt, and that i really was. She wanted to take me to the hospital and have the doctors test me to see. She obviously wasnt getting the idea. I told her that it technically "was" in my head, but that i couldnt force myself to be a girl. She basically said it would pass. I told her it wouldn't. She then broke down to tears and told me that it'd pass if i wanted. I had no idea why she was crying until she spat out that they said her sadness about her father dying would pass, but it didnt. So she was basically trying to get me to let it go as a way of having her let it go with her father (he died a few years ago from old age... he was almost 90). She also said to wait until summer was over, and if i still felt that way we'd talk again. I just let it go for the moment and went to bed (the show had ended at midnight... who knows what time it was by the time we were done!).

So since then, i havent mentioned it to her. She gave me priveledges to wear makeup to school and wear tiny skirts. I guess that's her way of trying to convince me to be a girl. And when we go shopping, she picks out the girliest clothing for me and asks me to try it on. She's a biker. She'd usually dress me up in leather jackets. So its all very strange, but she hasnt mentioned the ftm thing in awhile. And i've given up on trying to buy clothing from the men's section. My mom would say no no matter what it was. So i find the manliest clothing from the girl's section.

So i told my closest friends about it. Not my cousin, though. I even told my boyfriend, but he and i broke up after he said he was a homophobe and didnt want to be gay. So about five of my friends know.

Now summer is coming to a close. I was supposed to tell her when summer ended. I dont know what to do. Even if she does finally accept me, will my school friends? And i dont even know what to do. I really need help.

 

I relate in my own way to what you had to say,I've always have had to try to be someone I'm not and I did it very well at the cost of alot of happiness I might have had.It's also been so confusing for me between whats going on with me on the inside and all the things I'm *supposed to be.It sounds like things are really complicated for you at the moment and that must be tough.Before I'd go and tell more people I'd try to somehow simplify things,being transgendered can be difficult enough,I'd advise you to take it slowly and not rush into anything.That can be difficult,sometimes myself,I feel like shouting it from the rooftops and the hell with anyone who does'nt accept me!Be true to yourself as much as situations allow.Maybe talk to your mom again but pushing the issue might not be a good idea it sounds like so far she has'nt really accepted you so proceed with caution.Take it slow with your friends you might want to start with your very closest friend,remember people talk and you don't want to be the victim of alot of gossip.Hang in there, Best of Luck to You,
JoEy*

 

I understand where you are coming from...but do you think that the reason you feel that you are a "boy" has just as much to do with society and gender roles as does the pressure you faced to "behave as a girl."
I say, you are yourself, you are a human, and maybe you are a female, but just a different type of female...a lot of men face a lot of confusion and depression as well, because they feel they don't live up to the masculine ideal (which no one does in reality) I don't think that these men are really women, I just think they need to re-evaluate their PERSONAL beliefs on what it means to be a man...and in your case, a woman. You are a woman, so however you are, expand your definition of a woman to include the way you are. Accept yourself the way you are, 100%...
if this advice doesn't apply because Im missing something here, then disregard it.

 

I think this is a very grey area with lots of reasons why someone would be confused about who they are. In my opinion, the only people who are born with a gender disorder are the ones who have felt like that from a very early age (like me). People experiencing gender "difficulties" who do not fall into this category are probably not born with the condition, but have become the way they are through things like societal pressures and ideals that other people place on you. I know i am really female, because ive always felt female. (And always been disgusted by my body, and the way it functions) I was born with the condition i have. Not all people who are experiencing confusion fall into that category though, so it must be for some other reason that they feel how they do.

 

Thanks for setting me straight...I just have a lot of problems with the mixed messages popular society gives kids, and Im sure that there are many cases where it leads to confusion...But what you described sounds like something else entirely

 

It is hard for me to talk about other people's experiences, and i dont think it's my place to tell people who they are and why they feel the way they do. Because the truth is, i dont know. I do think though there are a lot of things that can happen to a person which might make them confused about who they are. Though that i think is the difference between someone like me, who was born with a defective brain (or body, whichever you like), and someone who devolops gender "confusion" at a later stage in their life. Ive never been confused about who i am on the inside, and i think that is the big difference. Hurt, frustrated, bitter and angry yes. But never confused. If you are confused, then you probably are not really trapped in the wrong body. Although that is just my opinion.