end of the road for me

This might not be what you want to here, but my mom went through over 7 years of trying to have a baby and who knows how many miscarriages (she won't talk about it) before she had me and then my brother 18 months later. All the women on my mom's side of the family have spent at least 5 years trying to get pregnant. A year or two is nothing for many women. A miscarriage hurts, but it is absolutely positively not your fault!

Take this time to allow yourself to heal emotionally and physically. And if there's any financial or emotional instability in your life, it is obviously a blessing in disguise.

 

What have the doctors been telling you is the reason behind the miscarriages?

And as far as your husband and the one income thing.....what does he expect you to do, toss the baby over to daycare when it reaches 12 weeks?

 

*hugs*
i'm so sorry to hear about this
Speaking from personal experience as of this moment, the people here do have a point about the financial stability thing...just in the last few months, our finances have become soooo stressed that I am scared as hell for this baby to be born. When we got pregnant, we thought we would be ok, but now, rent has gone up, the car broke down, Leane had to start a new daycare 25 minutes away from home, the gov't cut back my grant for college by $500 and the gov't will only let us make $200/month...so we basically took a $300 loss when all the money we had before was already tired up in bills, and now I don't know what's going to happen when this little guy gets here. I just try not to think about it, but this stress is not good for me, him, or the rest of the family. we really should have been more prepared for this now that the reality of the situation has set in. We'll deal and find a way, but now I almost wish I would have waited until we built up more of a savings and were a little more secure instead of relying on unreliable things.
Oy, sorry for the "rant"... I've been kinda keeping all this to myself for the last few months, hope I didn't go overboard.

 

I am truly sad to hear about your loss, but it is not healthy to base all of your happiness in life on one thing. Happiness should come from within and from only YOU, and to put all the pressure on your potential child is unfair to you both. Work on healing and finding peace within yourself first.

 

the fact that having a child is something that we've both wanted for years and cant seem to accomplish is whats making us both so damned sad

 

they didnt give us a reason...just that these things happena and they wont look into it until i have a third miscarriage

 

they didnt give us a reason...just that these things happena and they wont look into it until i have a third miscarriage

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That does not sound right at all. WAIT to have a 3rd miscarriage? give me a break. I'd go see another professional. My sister had 1 miscarriage and she had reasoning right on the spot.

I on the other had when i was 18-19 i was hemmoraging a lot and i had a ultra sound done (thought i was pregnant) turned out they couldn't tell if i did have or was just bleeding a lot because there was nothing there to determine facts. So they said i had a very very very bad 3 week period!

 

the doctors in this country suck. my mom wont talk to me because i told her i refuse to have another obgyn ever again. next time, if there is one, i want a midwife. she keeps telling me midwives are useless because they cant do testing and if you have complications theyll just let you and baby die....really horrible hurtful things that i dont need to hear right now.
unfortunalty if i did want another obgyn im screwed becasue none but the one im seeing in town are taking new patients. and even if i did find a new doctor i would have to take another nurse education class about pregnancy which is NOT something i need right now....bunch of dumbasses

 

maybe it's just your area. try moving to a different state. you can't label all doctors in this country as being horrible. I had cancer on my cervix and my doctor found it very fast and a year later it was completely gone. He encouraged me to start an organic diet to naturally correct my problem. I think I have a wonderful doctor. We must have good doctors if people from around the world comes to our country to get medical treatment. This isn't meant to sound arrogant, but things could be way worse. Try seeing a doctor in a 3rd world country and then tell me how horrible our doctors are.

 

i cant move just because the doctors suck

 

i don't know what to tell you. everything in life sucks and everyone is out to get you.

 

THAT'S helpful. She is grieving and in pain.

*hugs*, SDL...heal in peace...

 

yes i understand that, but she is labeling everything as bad and won't look at the positives. when people try to help her out she comes back with a negative response. sorry, but looking at everything negatively won't help the situation.

 

Well, when you are grieving for loss of life, it's hard to look at the positive, hard to even imagine that there IS a positive anymore.

 

agreed, but I don't think it's right when she is sick of other people with children. I've read a post that she made about that before. Obviously, I don't know what it feels like to go through what she has and my heart goes out to her, but it's not right to look down on other people who have children. Also, a lot of people have suggested a lot of things for her to look into and she seems as if she doesn't want to hear anything but,"life sucks and bad shit keeps happening to me." There has to be something good going on in her life. nothing can be all negative. if she said, "i'm thankful that my husband is here with me through this hard time (assuming he is)", "at least i'm alive" or "at least it hasn't been 7+ years like some women," then i wouldn't have said any of this. I suggested adoption because I think it's a wonderful thing and she completely ignored the suggestion. Are these babies not good enough? All I'm saying is, if you look at everything in a negative way, then you will never heal. She comes here for help, right? Well I was only suggesting looking at everything positively because ultimately how you feel emotionally effects you physically. I'm sorry if you took any of this offensively and again my heart goes out to you!

 

again *hugs*, sdl, sorry for derailing your thread....

 

its ok sugrmag
bumble, the reason i dont think of adoption is because i would rather carry my own child and give birth to it and know it was something that came from my husband and i, from a loving relationship. not to mention it seems like you pretty much have to be rich to adopt anyways and for most people thats just not going to happen. i am grieving the loss of two children in 4 months. i am the saddest human on the earth right now. i feel like my world has crashed around me. you can't expect it would be easy for someone to pick up their life and move to a new state just for a shot in the dark for a better doctor. that just seems absurd. im not trying to be difficult im just letting you know these ideas are not working for me. and i dont appreciate being told i don't know what to tell you. everything in life sucks and everyone is out to get you. that is not fair to me. i am in alot of pain and id just rather you not respond then responding with that

 

i'm sorry, but i was trying to get you to think positively and be happy. I know you've been through a lot and it's horrible that you had to experience that. I wish there was more that we could do. Just remember happiness is a choice. If you want to start to physically feel better, then just try to think positively. I understand that it's easy for me to say it because I was never in your situation, but focusing on the good things in life will make living better.

 

SDL, the reason so many people don't know what to say is because no one on here (as far as I know) is a professional therapist. From what I've read, everyone on here has been as supportive as they could be of someone online. You need professional help. I'm not saying your crazy, I'm saying you need someone who can be there for you on a regular basis and help you through the grieving process. I'm not sure what you want people here to say. You need to see a grief couselor.

You say that your life isn't fair, but you also aren't being fair to yourself. I don't think you understand how common miscarriages are. I understand they were babies to you, and that's fine, but really, for all anyone knows, they could have been embryos which had mis-matched chromosomes and so COULDN'T have developed properly anyway.

You've also mentioned your financial situation, so maybe this was a blessing in disguise. Get your money straight, and then work on loving YOURSELF for a while. I agree with whoever said you are putting WAY too much pressure on this future child. Of course having a baby would make you happy, but you have to think about that child's needs first. You don't have to be rich to raise a kid, but you should at least have health insurance and a stable income.

 

first of all, i do not trust therapists, they make money on doing NOTHING for me...been there done that
secong of all, i would not be having financial probelms if i had not been out of work for so long, i have the best insurance in this stae you do not know what you are talking about
and as i take it you apparantly think miscarriage is common so i shouldnt be so upset, they were just empryos right? fucking wrong. apparantly you have never been in my shoes,apparantly you havent ever tried for your first child for 2 years only to lose 2 children in the process....and NO miscarriage is a so called "blessing in disguise" that was a human child not just a little blob of nothing...i think your the one who needs therepy to figure out how u treat people!!...so until youve been where i have please back off and do not respond to my post anymore. i prefer people who at least give me a smidge of room to grieve and vent