Hello to all here, this is my first post as I have only just found this site. I have read a few of the threads and I really like a lot of the opinions and views of the people on here, and I would really appreciate your advice. I had my third child 3 months ago, and since then, I have just not felt comfortable with having sex with my partner. We have done it a few times, and I either get really REALLY emotional about it, or it just feels wrong to start with. I am not normally like this, I normally enjoy sex, but we have not had much passionate sex since I got pregnant about a year ago. I do love my husband, but we have been arguing a fair bit recently, and it just feels like the passion has gone, so maybe that is why it doesn't feel right? I just do not know, I was so surprised when we first did it post baby by all the emotion I felt, I could have cried my eyes out, and I just don't know why. Which is even more frustrating as I feel I am not even in touch with my own feelings. Like I said, I am on my 3rd child, the eldest is not 3 yet and I don't feel like I get much time to myself, and I spent most of the last few months of this pregnancy indoors. I suppose really I feel like I have lost who I am, which is frustrating. How do I become comfortable and confident in myself again? Woah, I've just noticed what a long post this has become, thanks to anyone who gets this far. Love to all Berkano
im sorry that i dont really have any advice for you, but there is also a parenting forum on here that you may want to ask people in as theyve gone through similar experiences im sure
Im sorry to hear about your loss of confidence...it sounds like youve had a tough time recently, and you must have a busy life with 3 little ones! Being so young and not a mother i dont have too much advice, but what i would say is try to get some of YOU back...the you before being a mother. I know its easy to just become a mother and forget to be you too...just making sure you have an hour to yourself every few days even could help...to do whatever you used to like doing, whatever your hobbies are, meeting with friends or something or meeting new people even, just to help get that confidence back Also go easy on yourself, realise how tough it is raising three kids and how admirable it is youre managing to do so, realise youre bound to be more tired or maybe a bit down....and explain all this to your partner too, and just be open and honest and direct and say youre sorry but you feel ____ As for sex i guess you and your partner need to talk things through with the arguing and stuff first or its bound to feel a bit odd...once thats sorted, know youre beautiful, know theres no pressure, and just do it because you honestly openly feel you want to share the experience I do hope you get things sorted. Maybe i was totally on the wrong track here, but like i said i dont have much experience in this area Good luck
Thankyou for your kind words, it just helps to talk with someone about this kinda thing, even writing the post in the first place made me feel better. Thanks for your reply xx
Hormonal imbalance... some people don't go through the post-partum depression, but they do get effected in other ways by thier hormones being all out of whack from just giving birth. I say a support group would be a good idea. And give yourself time to adjust. If it doesn't get betterm talk to your Dr. who may be able to suggest something. Also, three kids in less than three years has to have you thrown for a loop, Sweetie!! Give yourself credit where it's due because I would be pulling my hair out and so far into a depression I wouldn't know what to do.
Berkano - three children by age 23 can force the love and interest in sex out of you easily. You are exhausted from taking care of the house apes. You say to yourself "Is this all there is?" and it seems hopeless. My wife and I had twins unexpectedly (expecting one), so I know how it is. You have to make some time for just you and your husband, and do something romantic. Can you leave the kids with relatives for a weekend and get away? My wife and I went to Europe for 10 days when the twins were eight months old, leaving them with my parents. It was great. It will all work out for you as the kids get older.
Whenever me and my boyfriend argue we make up and then our sex is passionate but then if we dont make up its not and we just dont do it. I think you need to take a break from sex and everything and go do some things for yourself. Like go buy some clothes or go see a movie, just do something that makes you feel good. Once you have a few days to yourself and just relax you will feel a lot better. And then once you have your third child you should go out a lot more with friends and leave your husband to take care fo the kids for trhe night or something. Im not saying he doesnt do anything but ity sounds like you mostly take care of the kids and he just chills. I cant give you to much advice because im only 17 and im not a mother but when i dont feel confident in myself and feel like im losing me i workout and tan and sometimes just do things that ive havnt done in a very long time that i used to do almost everyday because i loved doing them and they made me relax more. I think as you get older and your kids get older things will change.
I should give him credit where it's due, my husband does do a fair bit with the kids, and he does have a lot of stress at work, but sometimes when he comes home he will still cook us a dinner. The problem is, it just feels more like he is already assuming the things I am going to do, or what mood I'm going to be in, or what I am going to say before it has even happened, instead of actually talking to me as if I am my own person. Hmm, maybe I've just answered it there. And I do feel like I want sex, it's not that I don't have a desire for it, but when it comes to it, I have so many emotions, I just can't tell what is what. Writing this all down is helping though, and your replies are helpful to read. I like the idea of going away for a week, but no-one will take my monsters for more than a day. But I get the idea, I'm gonna try and do something different, maybe a day of shopping or a night out, or restarting an old hobby or something. Thanks guys, I do really love this forum, I have become a bit stuffy minded since having the kids, and this place reminds me of how I used to think. Blessed be
Berkano - a newborn, and two other kids under three? There is nothing more difficult for a mother. Our unexpected twins, as difficult as they were, at least were on the same schedules - you have three different kid schedules to attend to, and a husband stressed at work who comes home to an exhausted wife. But just think what it will be like in three years or so - a three year old, and two four and five year olds - really great ages for kids, and they are close enough in age to entertain themselves. My nephew and his wife also have three - a seven year old girl, a four year old boy, and a three year old boy. He also has a stressful job, but loves coming home to his kids, and spending time with them, especially on weekends. The girl is a beautiful redhead, and the two boys are athletic towheads, and although it is chaotic at times (boys!), the parents will look back on this time as one of the best in their lives. Two suggestions - a romantic weekend getaway for you and your husband is a must, even if it is just for a Saturday night to a romantic hotel nearby. You can remember how it was when you were dating and there just were the two of you. A second suggestion - get some help around the house, if you can afford it - a housekeeper who can clean, do laundry, and take care of some of the other routine household chores. It is worth the cost, for your peace of mind.
