Advice wanted asking woman out from work

There is a lady at my work in the customer service centre. I only see her when I bring cheques down in the morning. She is always bright and friendly to me but hasn't given any strong indication that she has any particular interest in me. I suspect (based on previous similar experience) that she probably doesnt but I guess you never know for sure without asking... Come to think of it I don't have all that much genuine interest in her either since I don't really know her very well but it would be nice to have a coffee with her to see if there is any potential to get to know each other better. I don't even know if she is single but I can't see a ring on her finger to indicate she is married or engaged at least. I am 40 and she looks around late 20s early 30s and I look early 30s so age could also be an issue perhaps.

I chit chatted with her a bit about her work and where she lives etc but not much, but I don't have time to chat much any way.

I can't really ask her for a coffee in front of the other service centre workers/customers etc but this is the only chance to see her.

Her work email is publicly available so I thought I could email her about having a coffee. I know this is not ideal but I think its better than nothing. Main problem would perhaps be if a coworker saw her reading the email or if she embarassed me by saying "I got your email about the coffee" in front of others (2nd option is not very likely I think).

I was thinking I would try this:

Subject: invitation

Hi Jill,

I just wanted to say that I really enjoy chatting with you when I see you at the service centre, even though we don't have much time.

Please tell me if you would be interested in a coffee with me some time so we can chat a bit longer and get to know each other better.

Cheers

Dave

I think it might be possible to email her work email from my home email (Don't want others at work see me sending an email although it would not be hard to send one after others go home when I'm on the late shift) so I'll try emailing myself to test it out.

What do you guys think?

Have I got the right idea? Any other suggestions?

Its really not that big a deal. I don't mind if she says "No" but I don't want to do anything inappropriate or stupid but don't want to do nothing either.

 

I think you're overthinking the whole process a whole lot. But it's a good idea. If you think it would be hard to ask her in person, then use the email.

Why are you so concerned as to what others may think? Do others' opinions of what you choose to do that important to you? I mean, if there is a policy in the company that you shouldn't date, then I can see why all the secrecy, but other than that, you two are planning to go out in public to have coffee and a chat (if she agrees), so the secrecy seems unnecessary.

JMHO.... good luck, Dave. I'm glad to see some "movement".

 

Actually I may have no choice but to email any way because she usually works at the Malvern office and I work at Prahran.

Your comment on over-thinking was really interesting.

I read an article in a newspaper about acceptance commitment theory (ACT), which is about learning to live with unwanted thoughts rather than trying to suppress them.

Steve Hayes, the creater of ACT who lives in Nevada, wrote a book called How to get out of your mind and into your life, which I have ordered. I emailed him my original thread about Kat and he emailed back, saying the following:


The book is very relevant ... but I'm sure you understand why
I can't respond much in detail to your specific situation
(both because of hundreds of requests and because it is
not ethically possible to do therapy via email)
beyond saying that both the original problem and the current
one (the woulda / shoulda phase)
have the same structure: over-involvement with your
thinking while life is going by


I thought it particularly interesting that the original problem was also caused by over-thinking and you have identified the same trait.

 

Interesting... But yes, the email would be a good idea. I'm gonna PM you. I have something to tell you that could also be relevant.