(purty random unorganistation but i'm enjoying writing again...) In blinking Closing my eyes To a world full of colours Secluded Hostage to my own mind I see not shapes not sounds not colours Indiscribable I see beauty and beauty and beauty existent caught with in one grain of already dropped sand in the shiny shiny glass of The Sand clock And that encapsulated moment That lasted a lifetime until it dropped The grain that got caught in the blink of my eye The one that made it sore And made me scratch my eye No wonder when i discharged myself again to the new world You noticed my tear And I noticed for the first time in reality That our beauty dropped.
Flow's working here and in poetry the ear's always more important than the eye.Imagery is nascent. Keep at it! I like the attempt to reduce the importance of descriptors and pass key passage importance to nouns and verbs- smart move. Now you only need to condense. Don't be afraid. Every diamond is born within a much larger rock.
I agree with what kidder said, poetry is best when it says a lot with a little. Thats why I love haiku. But this poem was great, you turned a tiny moment into a thing of lasting beauty and wonder. Nice work
