I got problems...big problems 1. I think I might be bi, but I don't know. I've only ever had one real girlfriend, and we did Lots...too much... I've always been attracted to girls, still am, but I am kinda obsessed with cocks. more so than females. I find the male body repulsive, but crave what is between their legs. Got nothing against being bi. hell, Everyone I know is gay, or bi, or something, but it's new to me and bugging the hell out of me ALWAYS. I don't know what to do, or what I can do, or what I should do about it. I know I need something because being half-bi...ish is some special kind of torture. 2. Sex itself is bad for me. I was abused alot as a child. Hardcore, twisted shit that you can't even believe... And it haunts me every day. I get weird and horrible feelings/thoughts when that shit comes up. Makes me SOOO unstable and self-conscious, and so many other things. I just freak out. and that is NO Fun... it's not like that even comes up much. Shit has totally killed my confidence/self esteem, and I find myself So unattractive, to say the least, and weird that I know no one would ever want to be with me. I don't know how to let it go. Being fucked up like this is hell. I just want to live like a normal person. and I have absolutely no idea how. this is hell... please give me any kind of help
Life is hell and then you get old. Give up your self concious feelings and get into the moment. your past dosent exist. its an illusion, just faded memories and emotions that were once real but now only exist in your MIND. Get in tune with what turns you on NOW and drop all the worries and second thoughts. LIfe is short,,,ENJOY!!!!!!!!!
id suggest finding yourself a good therapist that you can speak with easily and dsicussing your past abuse issues and finding a way to work through it so that you can get closer to having a healthy sex life as for your potential sexuality, why not talk to one of your many friends and see what their experience was like? i consider myself bi but it was always one of those "damn women are pretty, im picky as well with personality but they sure are pretty to look at" type of things that ive had since like, 12 years old or somesuch
Oh im so so sorry First of all you are amazingly great for asking for help! Please know this is the right thing to do, to seek help when sometings wrong, always...i knew a man who was abused as a child once...he became very, very ugly and sick, but he wouldnt ask for help. He just hurt others, even children, horrific story it was Anyway back to you, youre heading in the right direction by questioning. I know how things can get mixed up in the mind of someone who has been abused, especially during childhood (i too was abused, by the above mentioned man and by one other) If your penis was stimulated as an impressionable child it leaves footprints on the mind, i.e a "penis equals sex/pleasure/what adults do" kind of message. Or if you saw a mans penis in a sexual situation. Or anything like that. You may be bi, or it may just be this and a result of your abuse. Finding a GOOD counsellor would be a good idea, but dont just talk to anybody...it has to be the right person or it can just drag things up unnecessarily with no solvent If you have no other worrying thoughts, then relax, and know you are heading the right way, you were strong and survived and can learn from this and make yourself a better person from it. Bisexual or thoughts about other men are nothing to worry about...experiment, go at your own pace, know theres no shame and youll find the answers in time If theres anything else worrying you definitely seek guidance. But it sounds like youre strong Hope you figure things out. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk more. Know you dont know me at all but im not so bad -Maxi
This isnt really good advice for someone whos been abused. I know. These issues need sorting or they fester and become ugly and can ruin your life. And doing things without thinking of the consequences is stupid, too, especially where sex is concerned
I just wanted to say that I appreciate your point of view on this. I personally was not abused but my ex-wife of 6 years was, and I know what it did to her. This is very good advice. For the OP; dont be scared of your feelings, just make sure that it is what YOU want. Some quality counceling may help you descern true feelings from abuse induced responses. If you continue without seeking help, everything will eventually just blur together and it will be very difficult to tell the difference. It will affect every decision you will make for the rest of your life.
Thanks, Maxi. I don't know about the counseling though. I've been to counselors and shrinks before and that only ever mad things much worse...quite alot of other things worrying me... I know for a fact that my past has scarred me. in ways I haven't even been able to understand yet. I want to go to the right person, so much, but I don't believe they exist. i just want to fit in with some kind of crowd... got to figure out what closet im in before i come out of it... Nothing is...real. and everything is too twisted and blurred to make sense. and "professional help" is just as frightening as drowning in this, and no one i know will give me any help. wish i could be normal...at least in some way. ....i want to cry
give yourself time, and give yourself space. instead of thinking of yourself and your past, imagine all the same stuff happening to someone else. try imagining a child who experiences similar things to what you have experienced...imagine her fear and confusion...imagine her making some poor choices because she didn't know better. can you understand & forgive this child? i'll bet you can. all you need to do is extend the same understanding and forgiveness to yourself. be patient with yourself as you would be with the child you imagined. do all the same things you would do for any child who you saw going through these things: defend yourself, nurture yourself, love yourself. allow time to heal.
