I'm female and in a happy, long-term relationship with a man (10 years since I was 17). I'm mainly hetro, but sexually attracted to girls but not romatically. (Tho it's a bit hard to say since I've never explored it, I mean I'd never want any sex with a man or woman to be totally cold, but I want to end up with a man and not a woman.) My tendency for girls has never been majorly overwhelming (apart from a briefly confusing time aged 16 when I confessed a crush or something for a girl to a friend). However, my best friend has realised she is bi, and at the moment is more into girls. She's making more and more lesbian friends and takes me to gay bars. I feel slighly envious that she's free and single to explore this side of her, and I felt that in an ideal world I would have wanted to do that then meet my boyf and settle down. But then I think, hey I'm at my end goal (great boyf) so I'll just have to skip that bit! But recently there was a very drunken night back at hers when one of her new, very attractive lesbian friends kissed me and I kinda let her. I justified it at the time as it not counting coz it was a girl and so no feelings, but I feel bad now on my boyf. Yet now I can't stop fantasising about being with a girl full on, and, wrong as it is, that I just have to have sex with a woman before I die (or my boobs go droopy, they're starting :0 !) I know that it is wrong to have my cake and eat it and I really don't want to go down a path of dishonesty with my boyf. But these feelings have been dormant for years. I fear my best mate's lifestyle now is just going to carry on awakening them! Plus I just watched the L-Word tonight and saw girls romping around and thought it was so horny! He knows my first two sexual encounters were with girls (which dont exactly say much - who hasn't had a fondle aged 10?) and jokes that I'm a raving lesbian. In a perfect world I'd like to have my loving relationship with boyf and have permission from him to sleep with a girl, maybe just once, just if the situation arose! But I know it wont go down with him, he would see it as cheating. I told him a half-truth about the girl kissing me, told him it lasted a few seconds before I pulled away, but it was more like a few minutes). He said that's fine as long as they're were no tongues. Uh oh. He's pretty straight when it comes to sex and wouldn't want a 3some (he says he has a hard enough time satisfying my appetite never mind another girl!). Plus neither would I, I'd want to experience it on my own. I guess I should stop thinking greedy thoughts. I could leave my exploring to just watching lesbian porn and maybe I could take my boyf and enjoy a lap dance together. Any comments please? Sorry for long post! x
I have a friend who went through something similar to you... She dated a guy for a very very long time and they decided to get married... Just before she got married, she started experimenting and found that she was atracted to women. They got married anyway. She was very open with her husband about what was going through her mind, but they thought that they would/could work through it. Now, they are divorced and she married a girl. I feel really bad for the guy... After witnessing what she and her ex-husband went through, my advice would be to be honest with yourself and your SO about your feelings sooner rather than later. If you really feel that you need to figure out who you are, do it now and get it over with. Life is too short and you're not dealing with just yourself, but with your BF's life too. I say talk it over with him and let him know what you want to do (if you really do want to go through with it) and have your fling. One of two things will happen, you'll either a) be satisfied that you had your experience and can get on with life with your BF or b) find out that you want this to be part of your life as it is who you are and I think that it's better to find that out NOW rather than 5 years later and married. JMHO, -Toad
Sugar, I think Toadmonsters 100% right,.I've had alot of relationships with women in the past and some of them (I can diffenetely say now) were very badly affected by my bisexuality not that I cheated but being so homophobic and confused and generally uptight somewhat hostile and disagreeable most of the time because of it made any real intimacy practically impossible,and a few of those relationships were hell on me and my ex's.I was living with these secrets and it was tearing me apart.I spent lots of time (alot!) beggining to understand what happened and what went wrong,now I know and I can live differently.Right now I'm seeing a girl,and were both Bi so we accept each other fine i don't know what its gonna be in the future so I take it a day at a time,It's incredible having my gf know,I'm not as uptight.We have'nt talked about it much though at least not yet.I also was upfront about not wanting a big commitment kind of relationship,It was real nice to be honest about that!,really liberating.So I'm not so uptight.I don't plan on staying with her,It's not cause I'm bi but because I don't want to be tied down,that did'nt work for me in the past and I don't want that at all!there's alot I did'nt understand bout myself then that I understand better now and I know I don't want to "settle down" and at least I can be honest about it and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.It's my choice,I don't have to be influenced by people and all the hype to be all hetro settle down have kids white pickett fence ect ect,I don't want that and it feels good not having to pretend all the time,damn I got so good at it I did'nt even know it was bullshit myself lol Really!!!..Sexually "finding yourself" while youre in a long term serious relationship is dangerous for both of you,.you really need to be honest and really consider what you need to do,Even if it hurts!You can both get really hurt over this.*If you decide you like women better @ the moment then maybe thats where you need to be,to be true to yourself don't you think?It's not gonna dissapeaer,You diffenetely should think about what is the right way to go about things with your bf,and what is just plain hurtful,.despite what you maybe going through,gotta consider his feelings too you've been seeing him for along time,perhaps whatever you do may hurt you and him but be true to yourself and the path you truly want to follow,you could end up with lots of unwanted baggage if you don't,and that would really suck.I lived basically the exact situation except I'm a guy,I had to deal with the wreckage of relationships and the pain I caused,when I woke up and was finally honest with myself it hurt like hell.Guess thats what it took.Hope you don't have to go through the same thing.Really sorry,I wrote a book here lol if I'm preaching or kinda saying you should do this or you should do that.I don't mean to.Just kinda passionate bout the subject cause of my expirience. Wish you best of luck Joey*
