im not so sure about this one...its kind of a fresh idea that was mawling in my head...all comments/critisism is welcomed. Spectrum of Hate Lights flickering on the horizon catch your attention, so strange they seem yet so beautiful. Thick lines and waves of greens and purples, of reds and blues, all meshing into a single spectrum of lights and colors. Why can't we be like these lights? How come we can't dance together as they do? We are all diffferent and beautiful in our won way but we redicule and discriminate each other for those things that make us unique. Why cant we be like these lights? How come we can't dance together as they do?
Quite beautiful. Well written. I like the way you ask questions during the poem to engage the reader, make them think. I would change people to we in the first question though. I think it would add to the poem if you repeated these two questions again at the end. It would reinforce the sense of bewilderment and disbelief that you seem to have about the way people are. One other thing. How about "A spectrum of Hate" for the title? Just a thought. Good to have you back, Peace, A. PS : I thoroughly enjoyed reading this and my comments are as always only my comments, not commands.
I liked Aidan's suggestion for the title... spectrum is a good word that connects with the lights theme in this one.... although it is used in the body of the poem, but not sure that matters. Thick lines and waves.... all meshing.... I really liked that part. I wasn't sure what lights you were envisioning... a city at night, fireworks, a distant airport, drug enhanced hallucinations... that was one thing I couldn't work out and couldn't find any clues about other then they were on a horizon... very nice idea, I enjoyed reading this. Thanks for sharing. Vetty
^ thanks for the comments Aidan, thanks for the comments...i dont take them as commands...your older and more experienced so i usually take your advice on my peoms that way i better myself...its a growing experience...thanks for the props im glad you liked. vetty, i left that detail out...so that you could imagine it as you will...apply it to your own life...whether it be any one of those things you listed...if i had limited it to simply one many could not relate to it as easily...but since that detial is left amiss...many could think back to a time when they saw lights like i had described...making them feel the anguish and the confusion that i was trying to express. does that make any sense?
Yes, it makes perfect sense. Leaving it more general so more people can identify with it from their own experience. For me, I didn't have something to pull from in my memory or knowledge where lights came close to what you described so I was curious what you were describing - it sounds beautiful. Vetty
