I Feel Horrible

Alright, so i have really bad depression, im sure i have mentioned it on here before, but anyway, today was probually one of the worst days i have ever had. Nothing bad happened, i was just really really depressed, and was just freaking out the whole time. Anyway, now my dad is home, and for some reason he feels like all of my troubles are his fault (which it in no way is), and that he has failed as a father, since he cant do anything to help me, and he has been downstairs bawling for the past hour, and when i say bawling, i mean crying out screaming hystaricly. I feel absoltly horrible right now. I just feel like i am a burden on my family, and its fucking sucks. I dont think there is a worse feeling in the world, then knowing that somone is missrible because of you. I really just feel like running away, and relieving my family of all the pain i have caused them.

Just thought id share how im feeling about all of this, and see what you guys have to say about it.

 

just remember, running away=more family pain.

 

dude, im sry u hada bad day man. it happens to us all, the best and the worst of us. and dude, all it boils down to is ur parents love u, it aint no ones fault in a way its everyones. the worst thing to do would be to leave, cus they will feel like they have completely failed at being ur parents.

just keep in mind, u can make a difference, nothing is beyond your reach, and that everything is beuatiful.

 

I know the feeling.

Just know that stupid shit, like having a bad day, is extremely petty and incomprehensibly trivial in the grand scheme of things.

Ask yourself... will this really matter in a year or two? If not, spend your time dealing with things more worthy of your time. If it will, seek some kind of help, or try to solve the problem.

We have a tendency to get caught up on some of the most meaningless, petty, and insignificant things... we gotta learn to let that go.

 

Talk to him. Obviously you are both feeling bad.
Forgive me if its not that easy. But if he cares as much as it sounds, I'm sure he would love for you to speak with him a bit

 

O, i would never actually run away, im just saying, ya know, i just feel like im causing so much trouble. I went down and hugged him for a solid 20 minutes, but i dont think he really wanted to talk. He just kept saying "im sorry" through his tears. It really tore me up. As for it just being one bad day, like i said, it wasent even a bad day, i just started having a complete mental breakdown within 10 minutes of getting up, and i had a couple more throughout the day. It went from having them maybe once everyother week, to at least everday. Things just keep getting worse, its really discouraging. Im starting to think that the weed is really contributing to my deppression, so im cutting back. Not tonight though, after everything that happened today, i just need to sit back and calm down with my best friend marry jane.

 

agreed.

I hope you and your dad feel better man.

 

I think the last time my dad and i hugged I was in my mother's womb.

 

Yeah, i deffently have great parents.

 

if that's the case, never forget. I've always had a great relationship with my folks, just not a physical one. Embrace it my friend.

 

I suggest going and talking to your dad. Open communication might make you both feel better.
Also, there is no shame in getting prof. help.

 

yeah, but he went to bed, so now i have to mull over the whole situation all night.

 

My dad is the same way. The first time I asked to see a therapist his response was "What did I do wrong?". It's just a parents nature to feel the need to fix everything for their kids and make sure everything is fine. SO when everything is not fine, it falls on their shoulders.

I know you are in a lot of pain right now but it is important to reassure your dad that he is a great dad, he is not a failure. Tell him that you are just feeling depressed and it is not because of what he has or hasn't done, it's something inside of you. If you are really having a tough time, seeking professional help is a very good idea but speaking with your dad candidly about how you've been feeling while still reassuring him that it's not his fault is also a good place to start.

 

Well let your dad know it's not his fault at all.
Tell him this not us.

 

Well like i said, he went to bed so i must wait til morning.

 

You could always run and jump on top of him....just like a kid on Christmas morning

 

^yeahhhhhhh....im kindda high, so that may not work.

 

phhh all the more reason to do it

 

what is contributing to your mental breakdowns? just daily life eh? it sounds like your family is dramatic heh.

if only u could take a vacation from your jailers.. er i mean parents :x

psychoanalyze your problems, learn what your parental conditioning has done to you. learn what you can do to help prevent depression. the bud is probably a contributor considering it makes u lethargic.

why are you depressed? I mean i know we live in a fucked up world, people killing each other over oil and religious wars. nuclear threats, civil wars blah blah. ... damn im depressed now :\

meh, smoke a bowl, listen to some pink floyd my suggestion would be "Goodbye Blue sky" and just chill... what else can you do? no use worrying about things that are beyond your control ya? oh well. get better if you can.

 

Everyone already said the things that I wanted to say, but I guess you should find solace in having parents that care for as much as they clearly do.