Well that's not true really, I have 3 kids, but they are all under three years, and they are so much work it does my head in!! I had my third (my first little girl!) 3 months ago, and to start off with, it wasn't that bad, things were going swimmingly and we were all in a good routine and my two boys were getting along fine. Just in the last month or so, I have been having conflicting thoughts and feelings, sometimes I just don't want to be around my children as it feels like too much to cope with, and I feel like I don't want them, but at the same time, I love them to bits, and I could never dream of being separated from them, not for more than a day anyway. And then I feel guilty for putting my feelings first and letting myself think these things. I'm pretty sure these feelings are fairly common, but what do I do? Aargh, I'm starting to shut myself off from things, especially when they all start crying at once and theres a million and one things to do. But I don't want to shut myself off, they're my kids for goodness sake, I should love being around them all the time and treasure every minute. I don't know if I need reassuring, or a slap round the face. Times like this I wish I could phone my mum.
I totally understand, hon. *hugs* Keep an eye on your feelings. If you feel like most of your day is spent angry or sad, see your midwife about post-partum depression. But those feelings are normal. You're going through a huge transition. Do you have a partner, a parent, or a really good friend that can help you for even an hour with your babies? Maybe so you can spend half an hour in a nice long relaxing bath with a book, or maybe just an hour to do something just for you, like get a big chocolate sundae or what a movie/show without kiddoes turning the tv on and off. This too shall pass, and one day when someone asks "you had three kids under three? And you're STILL SANE????" You'll laugh and give a snarky "it was nothing" response.
Lol, roll on the day when I can say that to people! I do have people who can help out sometimes, although I feel bad about leaving them with the kids as they can be such a handful to look after. And even then, when they come back home I still feel just as bad. As for going to a midwife, I feel kind of greedy going to her and telling her I just feel down. I know I shouldn't, if it was anyone else, I'd tell them to go if it would help, but I just wouldn't know what to say without feeling like I'm putting a big spotlight on myself and asking for attention. Maybe I will speak to my health visitor at the baby clinic, I won't feel like I'm being silly and making an appointment about nothing then. Thankyou for your reply btw
I have 7 kids~3 girls & 4 boys. Just take 1 day at a time...take a few moments each do for yourself & find someone, anyone to talk with.
It's not nothing. PPD can be a serious and LIFETHREATHENING condition. Get to the midwife now and get some help. It is your life and the lives of your children that are at stake in this. Some people blow off ppd as nothing, but it is. You need to take care of yourself before you can take care of those babies. I've been there as the mama who had three little ones under the age of four. But you can't do it if you don't feel positive about the situation. If you ever been on an airplane you know that when they give that little speel at the beginning they say, "If the oxygen mask drops down from the ceiling, put your own mask on first and then help the child that you are traveling with." The reason for this is simple. If you try to get an oxygen mask on a crying child who doesn't want this strange thing on their face, you are going to pass out from lack of oxygen and you both will die. If you put your mask on first, then you have plenty of oxygen to fight with the struggling child. The child will get some oxygen as you wave the mask past their face while you try to get it on and you both will live. It's the same way at home. You have to take care of yourself before you can truely help those three little ones. Get the help you need and you will be the wonderful mom you want to be. You'll be in my thoughts. Kathi
yeah you must take care of yourself first love because if you cant lookafter yourself you cant look after your children. dont feel bad about leaving you kids with friends, i'm sure they would love it. you dont have to leave them all day, maybe just for a morning or even an hour so you have have a soak in the bath or go & get your hair done. i dont have kids myself but i have 2 close friends, one has 4 kids & the other has 2. i'm always helping out. my mate who has the 4 kids i've looked after them no end of time & all of them all at once. yes its hard work but i get so much from it. i know if i keep a close relationship with the children when they get older not only will they have their parents to go to for home work or child problems they will have me too. i know when i was a kid i didnt always feel i could tell my parents things straight away & would go to my sisters or mums friends. then her friend would either tell my mum or take me to tell my mum. also looking after my friends children i get experience with looking after them so when i come to have my own it will make it a little easier & i know they will return the favour by looking after my kids too. thats what friends are for & i'm sure they would hate to see you strugling & down. if they offer help take it. i would do anything for my mates, i regually took the kids off my mates hands for an hour or two to give her a break even if it was just to entertain them in their own back garden while she had an hour on the bed. i'm sure your mates wouldnt mind doing that either. all kids are a handful to look after, they are kids & they are more intelegent than people make out. they have more energy & imagination than you can remember but even for me looking after my friends children, its so rewarding in so many ways even if they run rings round me, play up & totally tire me out. all these things are a learning eveperience for anyone kids or no kids. i went swimming with the friend with 2 kids the other day, she said it was absolutle bliss for the 2 hours we were there. i took one child & concerntrated on her while she took the other, then we swoped. she said it was great not having to watch out for both in there all the time & feeling like she needed to split her body in two. even something as simple as that can be so benificial to the mother. i had a fantastic time too. dont feel bad about telling a health professional how you feel, even if its something soo small. just telling someone can make you feel a whole lot better straight away rather than keeping it inside & stewing it over all the time. i had this problem with anxiety. your healthe visitor or midwift may be able to put you in touch with a group of some kind, a mothers group where the kids can play & you can all tallk about your problems etc. hope you start feeling better soon, take care.
Everyone else pretty much already said it, but here's another one to think about... Y'know how, when you're pregnant, people always say things like "Don't stress, it's bad for the baby"? I'm about a month along with my first, and I can't even tell you how many times I've heard that. It's the same even AFTER the baby's born. Normally, in a healthy relationship, babies/kids don't have much to stress about (until school age)... BUT when they see mom and/or dad stressing over something, they pick up on it and it stresses them, too. They might not know why, but they stress anyway, because they don't want to see you like that. And stress makes you sick. It'll make you sick, and it'll make your children sick. And you don't want to be sick from stress and have to take care of three kids that are, too. They'll understand WAY more if you drop them off at a babysitter (especially someone they like... grandparents, aunts/uncles, etc) and go do something for yourself. They'll have fun being there, and see that you're happy when you come back, and they'll like that too. Like everyone else said, talk to whoever it is you see regularly (the kids' doctor, a midwife, whatever that person happens to be) and see what they suggest. Take their advice and work with it. My mom and I are best friends, and she was already talking about taking me to get my nails done and everything when I get down there. I know I'll still be able to do those things, because my brother is SO excited (and great with kids) that I know we'll have a babysitter any time, and he gets along awesome with my husband... so even if I left the two of them with the baby and went out with my mom and/or other female friends to do "girl things", they could totally still have a "guys' day" and include baby, where I, on the other hand, would NOT want to take the baby along to get our hair/nails done, etc. because of all the chemicals and everything. And aside from that, I know other women with young kids, so I know we can all find plenty of ways to hang out and have the kids around, and not have it create any problems or anything. Make time for yourself. Find friends/family with young kids that you can REALLY get along with, and set up play dates for the kids where you can visit with other women, talk about "mom things" and "woman things", and not have to keep a constant eye on the kids, because one of you will ALWAYS be watching. Find things you YOU enjoy (even before the kids came along) and then find ways that you can involve the kids. Schedule a day where you can leave them with a babysitter for 4-6 hours (more or less, if you want) and do your own thing. With ANY kid that's old enough to walk, you can involve them in housework and most kids LOVE helping with "grown up things", even if they're just picking things up, sorting recycling, digging holes for plants in a garden, etc. Whatever you do with them around, try to find ways for them to help. That way, you know what they're doing when you can't always keep an eye on them, and you might save 5-10 minutes... and any housewife knows that's A LOT of time to save when you've got so much to do in a day.
I also have 3 children and my eldest is 2 1/2, Just lately i have been stressed out, with them constantly screaming, especially my son going throug the terrible 2's and my husband being at work most of the time, so having to deal with it on my own. I got to the point where i was sick. It's not so bad now, but i'm still going to see a doc, for mine and my childrens sakes (not meaning i would hurt them, it's just not fair on them if they see me that way). As much as a handful they can be, i could never be apart from them (maybe a couple of hours at the most)
Thanyou everyone for your support I had a really bad couple of days last week, my son fell and bumped his head really bad, it was bleeding and had a huge bump on it, although he's alright now, I just lost it and panicked at the time. But then, after that, I have been much better. For what reason I don't know, I think him bumping his head may have snapped me into realising what is important. I still don't feel 100% my old self, but I do feel like I really want to look after my kids. I'm gonna sail on this energy and hopefully get my life into order. I have listened to everything that everybody has said, and I will keep myself in check, if I am still feeling just as bad in a week, I will talk to someone, but I'm gonna try and keep on top of it for now. mums the word - you work quick like me too! It feels kinda reassuring that I'm not the only one with three tinies. Hope things go a bit better for you, I know 3 kids screaming is the worst noise in the world :s Hey, if you live near me we should meet up and trade stories!
Well, i live in cyprus, so i guess i'm a very long way from where you are...lol but if you would like to share things and have someone to talk to about it, then you could always PM me if you like, it would be good for me too, cos i don't know anyone else that is in the same situation
Not too long ago, having 6-12 kids was not uncommon. Your complaint seems to come from the fact that they're all so young and require superhuman attention. Surely you saw this day coming? They will drain you in the prime of your life, but they will give you life when you're old and grey. Not a bad trade if you look at it like that. x
