Looking for what's normal (regarding head)

Hi everyone,

I'm looking for some thoughts from a variety of people on this.
I just started going out with this guy, and sometimes we click in bed, sometimes we don't. We basically have only a sexual relationship--we don't call each other boyfriend/girlfriend.

I'm still healing from some sexual abuse that happened a few years back, and sometimes I feel really disconnected from him because we don't have a 'romantic' component to our relationship. I find what aggravates this feeling of disconnectedness is this:

When I give him head, he often takes my hair or my head and pushes me down on him because he really likes deep-throating. He doesn't do it really forcefully or anything. Like, he would stop if I pulled away. Do most guys do this? How normal is this?

Thanks!

 

I don't do this mainly because my girlfriend doesn't like to give head most the time so when so does I just go with it.

 

just tell him you don't like it

 

my boyfriend does that, but i kind of like control games and i cant always maintain the pace he likes orally on my own *shrugs* i do giv ehim shit sometimes for pushign in too fast, because i really dont wanna throw up on him, yknow. best bet is to sit down and talk with your guy over sex. jsut say something like "i really do love sucking your cock, but it feels best for me when i do it myself and you dont push me head down into your lap"

 

OMG my boyfriend does that all the time but he wont let me up, hes a forcer.lol. its normal. They do it because they really like it when girls deep throat. Why? idk you would have to ask them that but i hate it because i gag and almost puke and that would be so embarassing if i threw up on him. =[ I dont think i could look at him in the eyes again if i ever did that.

 

if you threw up on your bf, it would ONLY be his fault for forcing you. you shouldn't be embarrassed. if you're not comfortable with something that's going on let him know. if he respects you, he'll heed to your wishes.

 

^ yah you know everything dont you. pfft. Ever heard of a sarcasim post?

 

It's normal for a guy his age to do that. It's not normal for you to let him do that. Tell him when you gag that you mouth automatically clenches shut and your afraid you'll bite his dick off. That should do it.

 

^^ haha, or go ahead and throw up on him so he'll learn the hard way.

 

If youve been sexually abused he should totally understand and not do that
Just tell him

 

Its a way of showing dominance over your partner.

OP--He should respect your opinion if you have expressed it but it would be easier getting respect if you are at least in a relationship with the guy you are sleeping with.

 

Tell him not to do it. It's pretty simple "you want your dick in my mouth? Then don't hold my head down like that!"

Or you can keep letting him do it and you will eventually resent him for it.

 

and resent him u will...
ginger, there's a number of things in your story that causes flags to raise in my mind.
If ur "still healing from some sexual abuse" ur heading in the WRONG direction for recovery and note that this is the pattern alot of victims go thru, plz heed my warning.

Be assertive in your sexual relations, if you don't like something say so, if u want something say so.
Talk to him and tell him to stop doing that.
And consider either getting into a romantic relationship with him OR terminate the current (non)-relationship altogether. A girl needs romance, that's just how we're made, you can't change our biology, guys just have to go along with that or get out.

 

Hey thanks for all the thoughts/feedback (including the humour), everyone. Your responses have definitely given me more information about what's common (my original Q), and what might be my next best move.

Liguana, you're spot on at every point. I can see that my relatoinship with him has more to do with addictive/compulsive tendencies arising from past 'distress events,' rather than a conscious,present, healthy decision to enter into a certain kind of relationship. ...I'm workin on it. Thanks for thinking so clearly about me.

Further comments are welcome Have a great week!

 

hey thanks for taking the time to express your gratitude. Sometimes i think I'm wasting my time here giving advice and I get no appreciation for it.

 

you're totally welcome

 

It's easy to grab hold when you get into it. It's the only reason pigtails were ever popular.

 

No one's ever done that to me...sounds very abnormal and not healthy. My fiance strokes my face and hair while I do it and I find that incredibley hot and it makes me want to give him head all the time...
tell this guy that fce isn't the way to go.
Also, if you have been sexualy abused you should take procautions to make sure you are not futhering the abuse by letting men use you. Don't thnk you deserve abuse jt becaus one person abused you.