Ok, this is gonna be long, but I really need some help in figuring all of this out. Here it goes: I am 18 years old, and I have a very close guy friend who is 18 also. We have been friends since we were in 1st grade. We were/are ALWAYS hanging out together. He has been an awesome best friend over the years. He has always "liked" me, but I never noticed it until we were in 8th grade, we also have been physical, doing "couple stuff" since then also so it's not like this has been strictly a friendship. So during high school I always had my eyes on other guys, I had some non-serious flings that went on. I was just wanting to experience being in relationships. He had never made it obvious that he had a problem with me going out with other guys, and I just never thought he had a problem because he would always play the nice guy who was there for me no matter what. The beginning of this year we went out for a few months, and then broke it off, because we were kind of arguing alot. Our friendship after breaking up was the same-we did the same things, but just without the title of going out.No bad feelings there. Then in about May of this year, I went out with a different guy. First other person that I was physical with besides my friend. My friend got insanely jealous, and he was very,very heartbroken. The relationship fell apart in July. My friend stuck with me still, through all of that, even though he was crushed. Now we are in college, and my friend has told me that I need to make up my mind on whether we are going to go out or not, and if we aren't, he is going to be open to having a relationship with another girl. Which I see as fair, because he shouldn't have to stay single while I test out going out with other guys. But the thing is I'm not interested in going out with any other guy. After my last relationship, I feel like I'm done with dating, except with for my friend. I just feel like I could live the rest of my life with him. We get along perfectly, he makes me feel great about myself, his family loves me, my family loves him. I know he would never ever treat me bad. I would feel empty if he wasn't in my life- he's my other half, and if he went out with another girl, I would be so jealous and lost. He loves me alot, and I love him, but I'm not sure if I love him as much as he loves me. We would always be there for each other. When I kiss him, I don't feel as much as I did with my last relationship. He says it's probably because I was so infatuated with the other guy, and also that we are so used to each other that it's not gonna be that "first kiss feeling" I just think that for me that wore off a long time ago, and that all relationships get over that incredibly infatuating intense first phase of going out. He has never gone out with another girl, and so I think thats why he is still so infatuated with me. My question is, is this how being married for many years feels like? Like you are totally fine with spending the rest of your life with this person, but the intense feelings wore off a long time ago? I just don't want to settle for him, when I could get into an intense relationship in the future, but I don't want to spend the energy looking for another guy. I don't even know if you would call that settling! What do you guys think I should do? What are your thoughts on the situation? Again, sorry this is really long, I just feel like I need to get everything out.
It sounds like he feels tetherd to you and has been waiting for you both to be more than friends. If you don't absolutly want him then tell him so he can find someone who does; and who knows in the future you both may want to be with each other again.
I've been with my boyfriend (now husband) for 6 years, and yes, the intesity of the relationship does wear off over time, but I couldn't imagine life without him by my side, and there are sparks of passion between us still, just not all the time. Do you love him? More than you did the last guy you dated? And did you ever have intense feelings for each other, or was it always just a friendship? I know loads of questions, sorry I just wanted to know how you really feel for the guy. Maybe you should watch When Harry Met Sally
Well, thanks everyone for replying, it helps a lot. ^_^ berkano, to answer your questions, it's confusing because in my last relationship I only went out with the guy for like 3 months, so I don't think the infatuation period had worn off yet, but it probably would have. The love for my guy is a lot more deep, because we have been through so much more than my ex and I had. I have had sparks of passion towards him, and I still do sometimes, like you said. Thanks again for your advice and questions, it really is helping me figure things out.
I would give the relationship with your friend another shot. Arguing is just a fase, and i find it normal in your situation, i strongly beleve that you can work that problem out if you want to. I've been with my bf for 1 year and 10 months. And intense feeling do wear off, and you start arguing at some point but those thing are not really improtant. You said that you can't imagine living without him, and i think that you wouldn't be doubting right now about him if at some point in your friendship he showed to you that you might loose him, and that he might not be alwaus here for you. That feeling of fear is one of the most intense feelings i have ever felt in my life, it made some things clear to me. You love him and he loves you, you cannot be without him, don't let this go, it might be the best thing in your life.
I think that it might allow you to put things into perspective if you just take a few months and focus on you. I don't mean you have to ditch your friend or anything, but hold off on making a decision about what you want to do, and even hold off on persuing anything romantic with him until you take a break for you. Explain to him you need time and take it. If he's waited this long, why not a little longer.
just marry the guy.. if a frw years down the road ya need a lil extra passion and excitement have a couple threesomes or somethin..lol really it sounds alot like ya gor an amazing relationship woitrth holding onto.. something new could always offer some ecxcitement for a fgew months then turn to hell but something thats confortable and easy and able to last year after year is far more valueable then a few months of excitement
lol ^ good point ur both are stll young and will argue quite a bit most likly but if u to can still be friends and what not its a good sign i say go for it again and tire a leash around him lol and since u to fit well together and are hope full more mature (even 6months can make a diffrance) it may work better but be ready for some ruff roads at that age couse everything becomes an issue i know im there right now lol mine is still and has been for the past 2.5 years lon long distance couse of some unforseen things like well nvm anyway i use to be an asshole i admit to it and can be at times but the important part is that we where able to move u two should be able to get over the petty arguments and things like that. life is too short to argue in
