I'm IN LOVE with a free lover, and need help.

I'm in love with this girl named Carrie, she believes in "free love" and I'm not to sure about it, any advice?

 

I think you are more in love with Carrie then she is with you. Sorry, but it seems to me that she is with you because you are safe. She can have the security of a relationship while still playing the field. Based on your post she has shown you very little respect, and even less to herself. She knows you love her but screws some guy in the bed next to you.....ouch!

You seem like a very compassionate person....why would you do this to yourself? There are a ton of women out their waiting to be loved by someone as devoted as you. Give them a chance......I understand you love her, but have you considered the idea that she might be taking advantage of that love?

 

She is using you as a emotional backup with no regards to your feelings. Just sounds like another user to me. Plus you are going to end up with some damn disease if you keep going this way.

 

^^^^ EXACTLY what I was going to say.

 

i may be only 15 but ive probably been somewhat in the position you have...its hard see someone you love with someone else...but think about it if she really loved you wouldnt she be with you rather than screwing some other guy...im not saying that she doesnt love you as a person but maybe she doesnt love you as deeply and passionately as you love her. Ive found out recently that feelings and actions other do can be decieving...a guy i used to go with did basically the same thing to me...but in the end he never truly loved me...i was just a "sexual toy" using that term lightly seeing that im still a virgin...but after all was said and done he ended up truly hating me and wishing me dead.
my advice would be to look inside your heart and see if you really want to wait for this Carrie girl to grow up (she sounds kind of immature to me) and realize how lucky she is to have your love and layolty...but until she realizes that there isnt much you can do besides think things over and decide what's the best for you and your feelings...obviously all of this running around shes doing is hurting you and ponder on whether you can take it all without having some kind of hole within your heart.

 

Your feelings about her after 9(?) months away from her with no/minimal contact was not TRUE LOVE, it was fantasy. (How can one love someone that one doesn't talk with enough to know well.)

The persistance of your feelings does not give them validity, neither does it obligate her to return those persistant feelings. Your "love and loyalty" do not obligate her in any way. "How can you do this when I love you so much?" is a foolish attempt to control another person.

Instead of relating to "the love of your life", try seeing her as the woman she IS. Do you like the real woman? (The one who dedicated her life to free sex after one acid trip.) Do you want to spend more time with her?

Do you want to convice her to be different than she is? Are you interested in her because of the way she is or because you can change her into your perfect mate?

My main point is that you should look at the woman she is now, rather than the woman she might be.

 

Thanks everyone.

Just to clearifiy something, she dosen't believe in 'free sex' she dosen't even want to have sex with anyone any more because of what happened, she believes in free love, you know love without labels or without expictations or ownership.

Since I've posted this things have been going great, I know she loves me just as much as I love her, I can se it and feel it...

Your right I do have to look at her as the woman she is and not what I want her to be, and I do see her as the woman she is, and I love who she is and wouldn't change a thing...

 

i don't think you can help who you love. you can't simply muster feelings of love for somebody because they're a good person, deserving, etc. you either feel that for someone or you don't. they either return the feeling or they don't. *shrug* there really isn't anything to be done about it.

 

I very much agree with this. You claim the love you feel for Carrie is returned, but think about all of what she has done. Don't let your feelings cloud your judgement. I think when people are in love, they are easy to let their gaurd down and accept anything the person they are in love with does to hurt them. They are stuck in the wishful thinking (and wishful thinking is all it is) that the love they feel is returned. I am NOT saying to give up on her because of mistakes she has made, but I am saying to look deeper into whether she truly loves you or not. Here is something to think about: would someone who honestly loves and cares about you sleep with your good friend right next to you?

It's obvious from what you have wrote that Carrie is the one you want, while many men are what Carrie wants. To me, it sounds like she knows how strongly you feel about her and uses those feelings to her advantage whenever she feels it is appropriate for her. Is the relationship going to go anywhere if you are focused on her and she is focused on a no-boyfriend rule? There is nothing wrong with what she wants, but it sounds like it doesn't fit with what you want. I am not telling you what to do, but in my opinion, you need to broaden your horizons from her and meet the person who will be just as devoted to you as you are to her.

 

I dont post much on here, but I feel sick to my stomach after reading all this. I feel terribly sorry for you, because I've been through similar situations. Sounds like "free love" is just an excuse for people to fuck whoever and whenever, regardless of who gets hurt. Sounds like this Carrie is reaping the negative karma that she has sown (with the herpes,etc). You should respect yourself more than she obviously respects herself and find someone that has their shit somewhat together.

 

no, some people just use it that way. the original idea of 'free love' as i understood it was to stop people from having to commit themselves to a contractural agreement with one person for life in order to experience physical love. the intent was that people could have sex without legal obligation. it was never the intent to lie to people, make promises you have no intention of keeping, get people in a position where they're depending on you and just pulling the rug out from under them, etc.

 

Just hop on the bus, Gus,
There's no need to discuss much.
Just step out the back, Jack,
And get yourself free.

Just make a new plan, Sam.
There's no need to be coy, Roy.
Just cut a new key, Lee.
And get yourself free.

 

don't walk, run away!!!

This girl will always drag you down no matter what, do whatever it takes to make yourself fall out of love with her. And trust me, you get a disease from her, you will regret it for the rest of your life, no one is worth that.

Also, being someone who has been in love several times throughout my life, there were several people I was in love with, that simply were not good for me, and although I loved them, I had to shut them out of my life, because they would only bring more pain and suffering into my life. You have to look out for yourself first!!

 

it's true that if you're the type that loves easily, you need to watch out for yourself. you've got to have boundaries.

 

I don't fall in love easily, but ironicly it seems when I do, its always with the WRONG person, lol. Funny how that seems to work.

But seriously, back to the topic of the thread, I would say the STD thing should be the biggest reason to stay away from this one, especially since its one that you can never get rid of. Just from what I read, she seems to only care about one thing and that is herself.

 

To me the "free love" concept isn't about fucking anyone you like and not worrying about hurting someone. To me normal relationships seem more like ownership. You own the other person, so they can't sleep with anyone else, or have feelings for anyone else, etc. I've never understood why it is that society is built upon these kinds of relationships.

On the other hand, if you don't think "free love" is something you want to do, even for this Carrie girl, don't do it. I don't believe in forcing things. Just like pounding a square peg into a circle hole, you might get it in there eventually, but you'll have broken off quite a bit of the square peg to get there. No sense in destroying something to get a certain result.