Why can't my grandmother just be happy with me?

I just need to vent and understand why whatever I do is not the right thing in my family's opinion.
I recently got engages to a wonderful man and quit my job so I could finish up college this summer and move to his state to live with him. I am not working right now because I have the luxury of waiting for the right job right now. I mean i worked hard while going to college, working 50 and 60 hours a week while going to class at night and finally got my degree. Both my fiancee and myself agree that as long as we can afford it I deserve to wait for a position that matches my qualifications (I have an itnerview this Thursday).
Well anywho, My grandma just called me and asked if I was bored staying at home. I told her I wasn't and that I enjoyed taking my new dog places (we just got a shelter dog last week) , making dinner and planning what we want for our honeymoon. I said I know staying home wouldn't last because of the interview I had this Thursday so I was enjoying it while I could. She was a housewife for 40 years so I assumed she would understand. I mean my mother who is a an overly ambitious engineer and single mother understand this, so whay can't my grandmother?
My grandma said I sounded depressed and like I was losing my ambition and that I didn't have the same tone in my voice. I told her that I was just finally calm and not a stress case and that my fiancee makes me really happy. She just kept lecturing me on how the longer I stayed home and didn't work the more I would change and how I used to be such a motivated girl and what happened and I spent all that effort graduating college and I'm wasting it.
I just don't understand why she wouldn't be happy that I am engaged to a guy who makes me calm and is a good provider and who I am happy to make dinner for. I mean isn't it a good thing that I am thinking of someone else and am not so selfish anymore?
I mean I would go crazy if in a month from now I didn't have my career back, but until that happens what is so wrong with me cooking and cleaning and playing with out dog and going to yoga and grocery shopping and planning our wedding? Why does me not being all high strung for once imply that I am depressed? Why am I less of a person because I have someone I love taking care of me.
oh oh oh here's the kicker-my grandma then said when I said I would miss spending time with Andy and the dog when I started working again-she actually said 'well think of all the stuff you guys can have' WTF!!!!????? I want to work and Andy wants me to work until we have kids once I find a good position, butg I do not think there is anything wrong with saying I am goi9ng to miss being at home.
How does this make me less amboitious and depressed?

 

Did she disapprove of your engagement? If so, you not working isn't the problem; it sounds like she's just looking for reasons to make you doubt yourself with the hope that you'll change your mind about marrying him. Or is she always this way?

 

No, everyone is very happy for me and thinks he is perfect so far because of the way he treats me. I mean they are a bit concerned it is happening so fast, but I didn't marry or move for someone else I was engaged to because I new he wasn't right for me and I didn't move for someone else I was with because I had a funny feelin gin my stomach that something wasn't right in te head with him. So the fact that this is the only time I have moved for a guy gives our relationship a lot of credibility.
My grandma did just get her knee replaced and she's on pain meds/ Do you thinkt hat could be it? Is she just high?
My mom says that my grandma was training to be an editor in London before she got pregnant and had to move to the states and has just been living through me for a long time.
I also gave up my speaking contracts. I don't wanna be away from home for days at a time in weird cities so I just said I didn't want to do it anymore and getting reimbursed for hotels was becoming an issue and it was just sooo stressful. That tripped my whole family out because none of them understood how I could no longe want to do that.

 

What do you think Elle? I mean I am starting a family and am more excited about that than my career. Is that wrong?

 

she just sounds like shes concerned for you, wants to make sure that you make the most of yourself... that she knows your capable of great things and wants you to achieve them and just didnt say it in the right way. or at least, thats waht i would assume if it was my grandma saying sucha thing to me

 

Yes, yes...after reading more into it, Allonym's explanation sounds dead-on. Your grandma isn't unhappy with you at all, she's just proud of the person you have been and doesn't want to see your motivation and drive fade so she feels that she's doing her part by encouraging you to work. It's very possible that she sees a lot of potential in you that she saw in herself at your age, but she wasn't able to follow through with her desires because she was busy being a housewife. Or at least that's what it sounds like from my pretty limited knowledge of your situation. :tongue:

 

I've om to th conclusion that she is projecting her feelings about herself onto me. I understand that she was depressed when she got married and moved to Las VEgas. But, I am not depressed. I am not pregnant. I am engaged to a great guy , have a huge rock on my finger that he got me, just got a new dog who is cool as hell, just gradutated college and have a job interview for am upper management position at a non-profit. I have nothign to be depressed about.

 

Thank you You rock and you're hot.

 

You're welcome, good luck.

And thank you.

 

Argh...I totally let her fuck mind fuck me and got crazy insecure tonight. I think what bothered me so much is that I did not have enough of a backbone to stick up for myself and didn't have enough confidence to let it roll off. I need to change and grow-up. I just don't know how.

 

I turned into a real jerk when I was on percodan for two weeks.
She sounds concerned about you. BTW, a person has to pass a background check before they can get a job at Office Depot even. Did you have a professional background check done on the guy you are planning to form a lifetime corporation with? It seems like it would be a wise thing to do considering your gut reaction. There are a huge number of nerves in the gut. They total more in weight than the brain. Some consider it a second brain. I would trust my gut enough to do the check. The gut does not try to talk itself out of what it senses.

What did you speak about when on tour?

 

I don't need to do a background check on him. If there was anything shady I wouldn't want to know anyway. Ignorance is bliss; right?

I taught the manual I wrote on encouraging diversity...it got really boring when I started getting sent to sleepy cities with no nightlife or traqining partner.

 

What about Bluebeard?

 

What's bluebeard? I'm going to google it.

 

ohhhh I got ya...no, I do't think he would kill me, but good story. Was it based from the last chapter in Beowolf?

 

That's what I was going to say. I'll bet part of it too was that she feels she wasted alot in her life staying home. She wants better for you. Just be understanding and love her. She means right.

 

I think you got it right. I think alot of women (and that probably includes gramma) become depressed about their lives and lack of accomplishments when they are housewives/stay-at-home moms, and she's probably just trying to make sure you don't end up like that, in her old lady kind of way.

Don't let it bother you....soon enough you'll be making your way, and she'll be happy.