Worried that my wife is cheating on me

My wife, Jill, and I have been married near 8 years and have a great 7 yr old boy. Jill gave up a career-one she didnt like-to stay home and raise our son full time but now that he is in school more, she is looking around again and exploring a bit. Trying to find herself. I think this is great and I have tried to be supportive. She has joined different clubs, done volunteer work, made new friends etc. All good. Jill is a bright person with a lot to offer the world.

My problem is that she is starting to spend a lot of time with a guy she met in her photography class. Too much time, in my view. What's more, I found some photos of her that he took on her laptop which I didnt like. No nudes or pornography but a little too sexy, in my opinion. Also, I learned that she has created a new yahoo email/IM account that she never told me about. I have no hard evidence of cheating, but things just dont seem right anymore.

I know I was bad to be snooping about her laptop. I can't really confront her with what I found there. It could all be construed as innocent as well. But I am going nuts saying nothing.

Any advice?

Here is her yahoo profile. I figure it is a public profile so it so it is ok to share. Do you agree that it is bad? No mention of a husband or even a son.
http://profiles.yahoo.com/reawakenedmom


Am I paranoid? Do I just give her the room she needs? Or do I confront her?

 

theres a flickr account link on the link he posted too... the pics are a bit overtly sexual. not necessarily meaning cheating but, well, more than i would personally put up online where anyone could see me

really your best bet is to talk tko your partner and see waht she says

 

Dale - your story is not uncommon. Educated, career-oriented wife gives up career to have a child, who is now 7 and in school fulltime. Husband of 8 years, a banker, is consumed with his work, and she feels unfulfilled, lonely, ready to "spread her wings". That does not necessarily mean sexually. Are you satisfying her in bed? Do you do a lot of things together? Do you have romantic evenings or getaway weekends with her, without the kid?

There is such a thing as the "seven year itch" in a marriage, but it may just be her desire to explore new avenues in her life - a new career, etc. Maybe she wants to act or model, and is using the photos to see if that is possible.

PM me if you want to discuss this more privately. I am a lay sex therapist and have counseled a lot of young couples.

 

Most people know in their hearts when their spouse is cheating. If it feels that way it usually is. Especially with hidden accounts, etc. It doesn't look like you are all too commited to her either. Sounds like you both have a lot of thinking and talking if this marriage is going to stay together.

 

You don't have any real evidence, and the best thing to do is to confront her, but:
-In her profile, where it says "Marital Status" she put "no answer", that's not a good sign.
-She didn't tell you about the new account.

I don't know...I'm just gathering some facts. And Mr.Cutted, why did you have to say "banker, CONSUMED by his work"?? your exaggerating. You sound like the movie preview guy:
"THIS SUMMERRRR, DALE, A CONSUMMMED WORKER...." Coming soon.

Anyway, there's nothing wrong to spread some wings.

 

Just curious...When I opened your link, there were no pictures, but at the bottom there was a link to a main page...I saw some photos of a woman but I'm not sure if she's Jill, on the photos she mentions a guy named Mark. Is she Jill?

 

When a woman starts spending a lot of time with a male friend it can be innocent, so don't be too quick to assume something bad is happening. If you accuse her, or even hint at an accusation, and are wrong she is going to have some serious issues with you.

Also, maybe he is filling the in the spaces you might be lacking. I am sure he tells her she is beautiful (she is by the way) and makes her feel really good about herself as a woman. When was the last time you did? Not a "baby you look hot" but more of a "your beauty leaves me speechless" type of thing. Just asking, not implying that you don't. Women like to feel sexy. Not just in a "I want to jump your bones" way, but in an alluring sensual way.

If a relationship is lacking in some way, the partner that feels unfulfilled will try to compensate, sometimes through an affair, or maybe posting "harmless" internet pick up lines. Either way you need to take a serious look at your relationship and figure out what is going on.

Is she cheating? Maybe, maybe not....no one here can answer that for you. Are you out of line for your post about the "webcam"? I bet if you asked your wife she would say yes. Is she out of line for her sexy pics? To you she is, and that is what matters.

Basically you are both making some poor judgement calls that are likely to have a negative impact on your marriage. Did she maybe find something you did that set her off? Did you snoop and find pics of her that made you post your comment in http://www.hipforums.com/forums/sho...875&postcount=3 ?

People often feel justified in what they do because their partner is doing something they disapprove of. I suggest that you and your wife have a serious sit down chat. No accusations, but a "where are we going from here" to make sure you are still on the same path in your relationship.

On a final note you said "no mention of a husband or son" well...her screenname has mom in it, and she mentions being a mom several times. So, is your real issue "she didn't mention me"?

 

Ok, please someone give me a link to her photos. I might me confusing wifes here.

 

you dont think i seriously was thinking i was gonna get somewhere using online hypnosis did you?

 

1). do a screen shot of each photo on the flickr homepage she has up. Save them for your attorney (if you should need one).

2). Hell yeah confront her! She's up to something more than just pursuing a hobby together.

 

Ohhhh, so that was REALLY her. Well, let me tell you something
First of all, all that:
"In Marc's kitchen waiting for his DELICIOUS cooking"
"How does Marc make my legs look so long?"
"Marc this, Marc that..."
I dunno, I don't like it...It doesn't feel right...

Secondly: SHE'S SMOKING HOT.

Third: She hid the fact that she had this new page/profile or whatever, why couldn't she tell you openly?? It's JUST a hobby right? They're JUST photos right??

Maybe it's nothing, but all that Marc and spreading wings or reawakening things doesn't sound right...I mean, where was she? IN HELL???!!! On the other hand I understand the poor woman...You need to ask her if she was happy raising your son, and if she still is.

 

you dont seriously think shes getting somewhere with her photographer, do you?

cmon dude, dont troll the net for hypnotizing hot babes if your gonna freak out about your wife having some alluring photos online. hyp-o-crite, it just makes you look silly in the end. but seroiusly, go talk to your wife about it, see whats going on with her, let her know about your worries and how much you love her, how beautiful you think she is, etc

 

How many red flags do you need my man. You just don't want to believe it but this is a done deal. Let me also say that a freind of mines wife, moved out and was living with another guy but they were just friends. A cheater is not going to tell you the truth even if you catch them red handed. You know whats going on so either work shit out with your wife(some real communication) or just let her go.

 

Dalegiusino, chances are she is preparing to go away. All signs I see are NOT good. Confront her in a soft manner ... take her out and ask her lots of the questions are bothering you ... in a non threatening manner. But get prepared for the worst. My believe is that she will confess and you have a 75% chance of losing her. Hope NOT and that I am wrong!! - if she continues the "game" get a private investigator who will resolve the dilemma quick and for few bucks. Good Luck.

 

http://www.polyamory.org/

Just a thought. It's a view of life that has worked for us, and we've been married since 1982 and are still together and still truly happy (but less adventurous in recent years). But it took years of talking, and an actual written "understanding" document to ensure we're "on the same page" before we could really dare to take any risks. I regret none of it.

 

Could it be that her male friend is gay?
I know I've been in situations with my gay male friends that could be seen as romantic, had they been with a significant other, or a straight male friend. Its a possibility for your situation. Either way, I'd confront your wife.