Guys, I REALLY need advice/help. My ego...

Ok guys, if you've ever read my previous posts you know that I did a lot of acid back in July, kind of had a mind fuck, still recovering from residual effects, but it's fading.

The "tripped out" feelings I get randomly during the day are getting shorter, and more maintainable.

However, I've been having this insanely UNERVING feeling. I think it has to do with my ego. I feel like I lost part of myself.. I feel like I'm running on a script that's already written, in a sense. It feels like everything I do is not my decision. I want to fix this, I want to feel like I'm me again. Can anyone give me advice? I'd really appreciate it.

It may be depression, but I don't feel very depressed. Any advice to reminding myself of who I am, etc etc would be great

 

If you believe that you have lost a part of yourself, then you have, because you will quickly come to realize there is no true self to begin with...

but, for real, acid can trigger ego loss/identity crisis type reactions. The only advice I can really give in a single post is to remind yourself that nothing has truly changed about your life since before you took acid and you were fine before you took it. Sometimes it helps to look yourself in the mirror and ask what it is that is really bothering you. Although I don't want you to mindfuck yourself even more, perhaps if you define your unnerving feeling a little better and see what causes it, you can begin to get over it. Then again, sometimes it's best to stop thinking altogether. Almost all mindfucks/freakouts, if not every single one of them, is "caused" by bad thoughts which are allowed to slowly invade one's being. Actually, I will now make my primary advice to you to be simply to get back to what makes you happy, in either a deep or trivial sense, or both. Good friends, family, video games, reading a good book, music, sports... whatever it is that makes you happy, really immerse yourself in it, and in no time you will probably lose track of the mindfuck. One day you will realize hey, I'm actually not too mindfucked anymore. And when you do that you will realize it was just a mindfuck all along, a mindfuck which can be put aside as non-sense and nothing more than a cloudy delusion preventing you from enjoying all of this beautiful (and ugly) life that you are struggling against so mightily.

Give me a PM or IM/MSN sometime if you want to talk more. I think it could really help, because I've definitely lost my identity before in a certain sense, and for me at least it can be somewhat uncomfortable but once it is understood, everything can be even more amazing than before

 

thanks for the advice bro, im gonna get back into guitar lessons and pursure that

 

Great idea Rock on dude. Don't hesitate to send me a PM or IM if you continue to feel weirded out.

 

your the only one who can say where your mind is at, dont let your brain get the better of you. you just need to learn to trust yourself and your surroundings again like you did before you took LSD.

 

you do it to yourself - you really do

after one of my very disturbing trips (i actually believed that i had been abducted by aliens and that the reality i was now experiencing was only a hallucination that they created to simulate my reality - kinda like the matrix) i didnt believe that anyone of my friends or even my own brother were actually them - i thought they were just illusions used by the aliens to play tricks on me. it took me a while to come out of this trip and the only thing that made everything ok again was realizing that nothing really matters anyways. my reality is what i believe it to be so i might as well believe it to be something real and true. i have a life and a reality to exist and feel in and i should be thankful - not afraid of what is really going on.

anyways,,, not at all like your experience i am sure. mine is far more out there and scary then what you are going through. the reason why i share this with you is so that maybe you can understand that - A: you dont have it so bad, cheer up! and - B: no matter what the problem is all you have to do is find a rational explanation and learn to enjoy life without being afraid or paranoid which you clearly are.

whatever acid has done to you make it be for the best. find the bright side or you run the risk of permanent damage.

if i could find a way out of my delusion i am sure you can find away out of your own. - not to say that believing that aliens are tricking us with mental implants is a delusion because there is no way to prove it either way and it really doesnt matter because what i see and experience is my reality and thats all there is to it. i should do my best to enjoy it and make the best of it no matter what is really going on.

what i realized through my experience is that reality could very well be one big illusion - like a dream within a dream. but what i also realized is that although it may be an illusion it is still very real in that i am experiencing my reality. difficult to put into words - what i am trying to say is that even a terrifying experience could wind up teaching you something very valuable about life and reality. find the bright side - your not fucked up unless you believe it so!!!

so i didnt just loose a piece of myself, i lost my reality entirely. and i was able to put it all back together because i was somehow able to find a positive and optimistic outlook. - find yours.

 

Thanks a lot 3xi, I've been finding the positive outlook on my situation, and I'm feeling a lot better.

 

stayloose advice was as good as any advice could be.

i had a major mindfuck once. i thought way to much about the universe and reality that it drove me to insanity. i had come to the conclusion that i didnt exist and was existing in nothing, and everything didnt mean anything. i became severly depressed.
it took along time, of going for runs in the bush in the afternooon and complete hault of all drugs. and most importantly i had realised that i had to stop thinking about those sort of things. and just enjoy whats infront of me. to do what stayloose said, and get back into books, videogames etc. whatever you were doing before the mindfuck. cause for me, the mindfuck had stoped everything i had usually done.
so after getting my mind on to things, and gettin an interest in those things, i had taught my brain to stop thinkin about those things and on to these new things. before i did this my thoughts were all over the place, i had to think a thought over and over to understand what i was thinking, i was complete dead mass of brain.
after months my thoughts slowly got better, and my depression had slowly lifted, reality felt real again. and to this day i try to ignore as many philosophical thoughts as possible. i cant handle them. when i smoke weed with friends now, we all just laugh at shit and have fun. i smoked weed with this other guy just last week, and all we talked about was reality and shit like that, i had become very scared at the way i saw things and peiced together things in my brain. i just dont like to go there anymroe.
fun times , happy times, focus on real world objects and things and laugh.
drugs tend to take you away into dream land. to stop myself going insane, i refuse to let them take me their ever again. i remain in reality all the time now. well i mean, i remain in the land of objects and things around me. but i think you know what i mean.

iv never been happyer. discoverying that your nothing and dont mean anyhting on the grand scheme of things isnt fun. but i sapose that was my fucked up conclusion. damn. oh well. i sapose i dont realise from my perspective, but i guess maybe some other guy discovered somthing amazing. oh well.

 

its funny how the mindfuck has skewed my perspective.
holy shit. every second of living, skews every peice of your perspective. and thus makes each person come from an entirely differnt angle. a mutliplitude of thoughts from an mutlitplitude of differnt perspectives is big.