So I've been hanging out with this girl for about 6 months, we have like a secret relationship going on, we spend tons of time together and we're very romantic. The only problem is, we live like 20 minutes apart, so she has her friends by her area, and I have mine. I've been told by a few people she is sort of a slut where she lives. This affects me because I do not consider our relationship an "open" one, and also because of the fact that she never tells me anything she does over there. Anyway, even though she acts that way when I'm not around, she loves me (or at least I think so) and she's calling me all the time, she cries for me over the phone any time I do something wrong, if I tell her not to do something or not to go out someday she won't do it, things like that. What should I do? I admit I have other open relationships going on and pretty much hang out with other girl's without her knowing. But this is really affecting me, I feel I'm being lied to, I feel I am someone's fool. And that affects me more than the fact that she fucks around with other people. I'm really confused, any comments?
Are you kidding. If you have other girls on the side what is wrong with her seeing other people closer the where she lives? If you want her to see only you then stop fooling around with other people. Commit to her the way you want her to commit to you.
Yeah but she knows I am like that, I never pretend to be a loner who never gets laid like she does. I always tell her I'm always partying with other girls and shit, but all she says to me is that she goes out with her "cousins" and they never drink and stuff, when I know otherwise.
she isnt burger king you can't have it your way. no girl would ever commit to one guy when she knows he's not commiting thats not fair. unless your flava flave sorry man, look at it from her point of view.
She cries when you do "something wrong"? Sounds pretty manipulative. And you sound a little controlling too, but I can understand that because you feel insecure that she's fucking other dudes, which you have no control over Well if everything you say is true and you do know otherwise, then here's the deal: You: Honest and upfront. Her: Sketchy. The sketch has got to go. It sounds like you both have the "different area code" thing going on. You can both fuck around with whoever you want in your own town and it won't directly affect your relationship to eachother. Probably she's using you for emotional support, a security blanket, and it sounds like she's manipulating you. She sounds like she likes to have emotional control over a dude. No good, no good my friend. It's really bad when a lover fucks someone else, but when they lie about it, it becomes an unforgivable offense. Are you paying attention? At least he's upfront and honest about his activities and makes no effort to hide them from his girlfriend. She knows he's like that. He tells her he's partying. She, on the other hand, says she's doing one thing, but everyone else is saying she's doing otherwise. Sometimes, where there's smoke, there might actually be a fire. Look at it from HIS perspective: WHAT HE DOESN'T LIKE IS THAT HE FEELS HE'S BEING LIED TO. My advice: If she won't be honest, sever ties. EDIT: In this day and age you can take NO RISKS anymore. It's not just your ego or feelings on the line. An unfaithful partner can bring diseases into the relationship. She has got to GO.
i vote you talk to her. ask her about it, discuss the terms of your relationship, what is "ok" and whats not, how far you can go with other people, etc. how upfront about it you have to be/how much indetail you have to go into, that sort of stuff. for any open relationship to have any chance of working, both of you have to be completely honest and communicative with one another, plus you have to trust each other
That's not gonna do anything. If she's already lying and being sketchy, then she already knows she's doing something "wrong". Either way, she doesn't want him to know what she's doing, and him saying "I don't want you doing that." will not change what she's doing, because she probably already figures he doesn't want her doing that.
I never looked at it from that perspective. Whoa, that explains her perfectly. I know her so good I can tell she loves having emotional control over someone, thanks alot that's the answer I was waiting for. But still, what should I tell her? Should I confront her and tell her what I've been hearing about her? I'm not the type of guy that says things I've been trusted with. And just to make it clear, this is not meant to be an open relationship, if it was, I would have no problem with her fucking around with other people, but we have both made it clear this ain't an open relationship and she gets pretty jealous when I'm around with other girls.
If you fuck other girls, it's an open relationship. You really can't, in all honesty, expect to be able to do that yet be controlling over her actions. If she's being dishonest and sketchy about it, of course that's wrong of her. But you really can't much justify that your relationship isn't meant to be open if you mess around with other people, even if you're honest about it. I think if you guys really enjoy each other, why not make it an open relationship? If you expect her to commit solely to you, you should do the same, is all I'm saying.
Update, I came straightforward to her and told her everything. And yeah, all of it was true. And she told me she did those things because I did them too, so I told her there was no need to lie about it. So anyway, I dumped her and she's been pretty depressed since, I get calls from her friends asking me if I know what's wrong with her and stuff. I think I made the best decision. Of course I miss her but nothing guarantees me that she's gonna change if I go back to her.
And what do you want her to change? You are doing the same things, it's not logical to expect someone to change something about his life, when the other person is doing the same fucking thing! Man, my opinoin is that you have too much pride, and you don't know what you really want from ANY relationship. Good luck
