high incestuous clouds claim the vast horizons do you fear it? say farwell to the pieces of the sky as they fade into oblivion only the strong survive a constant sway keeps time in your eyes the ocean seems quiet and the earth seems wise colonies of moss grow on top of stone for miles and miles the sweet stilness glows watch for the horseman he calls out your name hell tempt you with reason and mesmorizes you with flames a shot in the dark a reason without rhyme the lotus will cry and shrink with time a continuous smoke screen running in our minds the plains are desolate cause the rivers run dry
I'm not sure what the poem is about, so when you pick the title you might pick something to give a clue to the poem. perhaps if I had more time to spend... but not today... there was one part that I thought would flow better with a slight change: hell tempt you with reason and mesmorizes you with flames When I read through it the first time I thought I read "memorialize" instead of mesmorizes, but it was because I thought it was "hell" but I think you meant "he'll" as in he will. Then I liked "memorialize"... but mesmorizes is good too - but I would use the singular "mesmorize" without the "s" at the end. either way I would drop "and" watch for the horseman he calls out your name he will tempt you with reason memorialize you in flames or watch for the horseman he calls out your name he will tempt you with reason mesmorize you with flames either word, mesmorize or memorialize, still makes you kind of stumble. They just have so many syllables for the last line... maybe... watch for the horseman he'll mesmorize you with flames he will tempt you with reason when he calls our your name nope, still stumbling over the m word. oh well, just thoughts as I reviewed, later,
