how do i convince him i didnt cheat on him?

okay a little backhistory. in pretty much every real relationship ive been in for the past 15 years, ive cheated. my boyfriend/ex knows this, and he has very strong feelings about loyalty/cheating, etc.

well, a few months ago i though the was going to leave me, and my feelings for a professor of mine came up again. he wanted to meet me for coffee and give me a cd, and i was trying to meet with him, but i accidentally left my email open and my boyfriend read it (we used to share passwords and i guess he suspected something weird when i changed my password cuz i needed some space). he read the email where i was telling one of my friends about the crush i have on my professor...

well, suffice to say my boyfriend was incensed about the whole thing, and i think he was more mad about the fact that i wasnt upfront and honest about it.

well, the matter kinda dropped i guess, but something happened this summer.

me and my boyfriend had a fight, and not that it was that bad, but i just needed some space, so i was hanging out with other people, particularly this one guy... but i wasn't gone that long, only about 5 days, but my boyfriend/ex is convinced that i cheated on him! if not with the one guy, but then with someone else! he wasn't present at all when i was hanging out with these people, so he doesnt know whether i did or not, but i cant seem make him believe that i *didnt* cheat. it's been over a month and hes still really pissed at me. he doesnt talk to me as much as he used to, and its so hard to get ahold of him. all of his friends have basically told him things like "she probably cheated on you" and that the guy i was hanging out with is a real poonhound.

so what can i do to convince him i didnt cheat? this is destroying our relationship!

 

I don't think you've convinced *me* that you didn't cheat, and I even don't know you.

 

Poonhound . I'm diggin it. You were gone 5 days with some guy? Not one of them nights was filled with alcohol and weed? Poppin X? Gimme a break you whore

 

Well, you did tell him you've cheated in the past... a lot. Then you say you need space, go and change passwords so he no longer has access to your e-mail, and he knows you have a crush on your professor, you tell him you need yet more space and go and disappear with some guy for five days.... I wouldn't trust you either.

I don't know that you did cheat, but if it looks like a duck and it quacks like a duck, don't try to convince someone it's a chicken. It seems like you set yourself up for this "failure".

There may not be any convincing him otherwise....

 

:agree:

 

It seems that you need your space and aren't too concerned with his feelings until AFTER he is upset. I have no idea if you cheated, but your comment "he wasn't present at all when i was hanging out with these people, so he doesnt know whether i did or not" sends off warning signals. It's like saying "prove it" and hoping the other person gives up and believes you, and not because you didnt do anything wrong.

In this situation you need to be saying "I was selfish and not thinking about you because I needed some me time." Actually based on how often you need space, and have no regard for his feelings you need to be single for a while. If he went off and was hanging out with a girl for a week you would be posting "he's cheating on me" even though YOU weren't there and don't know if HE did or not.

Instead of thinking about this from your point of view try seeing it from his....you would be pissed too.

 

You don't deserve to have a man in your life.

 

is your ex a poster on here? i seem to remember hearing the other side of this story a while ago. anyway, if you two ever do manage to get back together its gonnna take a lot of time and youre going to -constantly- be having to prove your trustworthiness to him. basically, it may be time to just move on

 

Imo you deserve everything you get, after i read this:

"okay a little backhistory. in pretty much every real relationship ive been in for the past 15 years, ive cheated."

 

Come on, your a cheater, if not in action then in thought. You are meeting up with other men you have crushes on for what other reason?

Karmas a bitch isn't it.

The time to do that would have been before you put yourself in the situation to begin with. Like someone else said, I don't believe you didn't cheat.