Background: I'm a lesbian and I've been so for a long time. I've been with a lot of women and have given quite a bit of oral. I've never had any complaints and think that I'm rather good at it Ok here's the situation..... Anyway, I'm with a new partner now, been together fot about 1 1/2 yrs. and our sex is great, or so I thought. I found out that she's been lying to me about having orgasms when I go down on her. Truth be told, I always knew she was full of it, but I can't MAKE her tell me........every time we'd have sex I'd ask her if she came or what have you. Always yes....but than of course as I just mentioned I finally couldn't take it anymore and I just kept harping on her until she FINALLY told me no she didn't. I ask her if she ever came. She said "yes all the time." I said, "No, I'm talking about just when I go down on you." She said "no, never." So, first I'm p*ssed that she's been lying to me but I don't show that emotion at all because I know there's gotta be something to this. She's been married before and been with other men before (I'm the first woman) so I ask her has she EVER come from having people in her past go down on her. She tells me "No, Not EVER." I then ask her, well why didn't you talk to your ex husband about it? She said "he never asked me if I came like you do." And I said, "ok, well why wouldn't you just flat out say hey this ain't working for me; you need to try something else?" She said she just isn't like that, that's now she was raised, etc. Now, I'm REALLY perplexed...I mean she was married for a longgg time (not that that means anything I'm sure) but I'd think I'd want to talk to my husband about something like that? Anyway....she always says it "tickles" and I'm like it shouldn't really tickle until AFTER the fact. She tells me that our sex is awesome and she loves it and she has no problems coming but she just cant' come from ORAL. Oh and she's EXTREMELY uncomfortable and ANGRY about talking about this, by the way. But finally I get her to tell me that she's a) uncomfortable about talking about sex and b) she doesn't feel comfortable about her p*ssy and she's very insecure and self-conscience about it. Than she pointed out how I said at one time (to a friend of ours who was telling us that she won't let her husband go down on her because she thinks her p*ssy is ugly) that I said "all p*ssys are ugly....it's not a big deal." And I did say that...but I really think they are ugly and I think all d*cks are ugly too lol it doesn't change the fact that I'm a lesbian and I love p*ssy tho....but anyway, so she brought that point up. Sooooo I get all of that from her and now, of course, I'm self-conscience when we're having sex and I would ask her CONSTANTLY did you come did you come, what do you want me to do, etc, etc. And of course that put a lot of strain and pressure on BOTH of us. I talked to a friend about it and she said for me to tell my partner that I'm not going to ask her if she came for a while now.....so we can just get back to having a good time........and for me to tell her that I'm not asking because I don't CARE, I'm just not asking because I know it's putting a lot of pressure on her and taking away from us having a good time when we're intimate. My partner was VERY relieved when I told her I wasn't going to ask anymore because she said it was too much pressure and she couldn't enjoy anything. Bottomline: she says it FEELS good and she likes it, but after a little bit she'll say it tickles and she'll make me stop...and of course, she'll never get to the point of orgasm. I've licked lots of p*ssys and I've licked 'em in lots of ways.....so I don't think THAT part is the issue (but hey it may be, but I doubt it) I really think the major problem here is in her HEAD. So my question is, how do we work on fixing that? I seriously want her to have an orgasm that way...because in my unprofessional opionion lol it is sooo the best feeling orgasm in the WORLD. I mean I like getting off other ways, but nothing in the world feels as good as that. I'm sorry this is so long, but I just wanted to give most of the facts...any advice??? Thanks in advance.
Does she go down on you? Does she like it? If so, tell her that you are the same way. My ex wife never came from oral, said it felt good but got to a point of tickle. At that tickle point ask her if harder or softer or less direct clit for a bit would help. But the most important thhin I think is that she need to let go and ride with the "tickle" She may be feeling the urge to pee, whhich is common, maybe if she rides through it she will not only orgasm, but may even be a squirter. Got together with my ex one time after divorce and she let go and did orgasm and squirt. I said, what changed, she said, "I've learned to relax and enjoy." A little too late, but there were many other problems in our marriage that caused the divorce anyway. I just can beieve that she wasted 11 years of her sex life....
LIA, Yes she does go down on me. Does she like it? I have no idea. But when I realized that she was so uncomfortable with the oral thing I said ok well than we can make a pact that neither one of us will do that to the other one (I just wanted to make her feel comfortable, ya know?) And she said that she would never agree to something like that as she knows I like it too much. I thought the same thing as you thought about just going with the tickle and riding it out because maybe she's almost there she just doesn't KNOW it yet because she's never allowed it to happen.......but we've tried that and I'm not talking about 5 minutes, ya know what I mean? I mean I'm talking a very long time but STILL eventually she'll start cracking up and push my head away and say it tickles too much. What your ex said "I've learned to relax and enjoy." I think that is IT......I need to know how my partner can learn that?? Did your ex tell you how she came (no pun intended ;-) about getting to that point? And I agree about the wasted years of her sex life..that's what I'm thinking about my partner...I can't believe she wasted as many years as she did with her ex-husband and all of the time with other guys.......I, personally, do not want her to go through many years of our sex life and to not experience an orgasm from oral. I mean it seriously is THAT good....it shouldn't be missed, imo. I don't really bring it up too often to her because I know she gets upset about it and doesn't like talking about it....but she did say that we can work on it together...and she'd try to work on her "head" but the problem is that she doesn't know how to work on her "head" and we don't really know how to work on it together........guess that's why I'm here...... I know we have our work cut out for us because I know that the MIND is an EXTREMELY powerful thing.......so I'm competing with her mind right now and that's no easy task. Thanks for the post LIA. Appreciate it.
