I keep having reccurring dreams of cloud formations and constellations(aglow), CRASHING into this life this earth mass, maybe birthing maybe splitting our planets surface, an apocalypse(oh so fitting) waking up in mortality sweats, fearing sleep like the reaper and like him too I wear a black hood to hide my skeletal features, I grow pale with awareness, goddamn you cosmos(I know your infinite) and intimate relationships seem so miniscule when I'm star gazing on LSD, sinking into another sleepdream let me be Shaman trance leaves my cognitive mind raped and the seed that was planted bore my a child(a devil) like no other he severs my ties with my lover my sober mind hung by a never ending REM cycle the shutters ripped open by shaking hands day light burns my mind's eye, the sun a crutch entheogens cure my dilapitated state crouched, crumbling, humbled before gravity it's all too real my mind skips (I forget) my mind limps (craving rest) lucidity has never been contorted like this contortion has never been so lucid a liars truth always grows convoluted tangled with hypocrisy, ridden with irony spirituality is my drug
Hypo, I'm not a very good critic so I won't try yo dissect your poem. It's great. Superb. I loved the bit about sweats, sleep and the reaper(absolutlely perfect) but feel that there is something not quite right when you say, and like him too. The transition sort of confused me and first. I really like this poem. One small part that went over my head is the sun's a crutch. Not sure what you meant. The finale. The final stanza is beautifully written, a great ending. I would maybe leave out the parts in brackets although they do fit nicely when reading aloud. A wonderful read, Thank you, A.
yep i like it too...good use of parenthasis...the only one i didnt like was "(craving rest)", the lines "my mind skips (i forget)/my mind limps" are so strong that the "craving rest" comes off a little cliche, but overall the effect is great. great flow too, btw...
