Critism wanted.

Discussion in 'Poetry' started by KicKZ, Oct 4, 2007.

  1. KicKZ

    KicKZ Member

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    They cheer when many an innocent is killed in vengeful murder
    Are you still sure you want to be apart of this new world order?
    Where the bombs are what illuminate the night
    Second only to the hatred which is encouraged to burn so bright
    Do they feel the anger inside of them bruin'?
    Just before they take the life of another human
    You close your eyes when it stares you in the face
    Thinking it irrelevant because the violence occours in a foreign place
    With a proud solute they return from the sea of sand
    Maybe I would be proud of them to, If I could divert my eyes from that blood
    soaked hand
    Home of the brave and land of the free
    Then why are brainwashed cowards all I see?


    2 be honost I didnt put much time into this, but please let me know what you think.
     
  2. Malapascua

    Malapascua Member

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    It's controversial.
    It's clever.
    It's good.
    Could probably use a little more structure (just my opinion).
     
  3. KicKZ

    KicKZ Member

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    Thanks for the response :)
     
  4. skyfire

    skyfire Member

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    Good question...

    i like it as well, i'm not usually a fan of rhyming poetry (just cuz i'm not very good at it!) but you pulled it off nicely, nothing awkward at all
     
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