Sometimes I wonder what's wrong with me...

This is probably going to turn into a mini rant, and while I'm not really into doing that often, I needed a place where I knew I would be heard to vent.

Recently, I found out that the guy I like doesn't feel the same way. His reason was that it wasn't me, but it was really that he's not over his ex (they were engaged for 6 years, and haven't been together for about a year). While I understand that and we are still good friends, I can't help but nearly obsess over the fact that I want him. I won't express this to him for obvious reasons. But I just want him so bad. I think I want him more now than I did.

I have a good male friend who has expressed feelings for me in the past and still makes comments about us getting together every once in awhile. I had considered him and I love him to death, but I'm not sure it could be in the same way that he cares for me. And I had told him at one point I wanted us to try, but things kept happening and it seemed that it was never going to happen, so I got antsy, became very irritated by the issue, and I told him I needed us to just be friends. He was hurt, but has stuck by me. He tells me e loves me all the time (so does the other guy above^^). And we are practically best friends. I just can't seem to make up my mind about whether or not we should try to make something of us.

Then the other day, I began to get harrassed by my ex, who ultimately ended up threatening suicide, and making my life miserable for about a week and a half.

All of this led me to some realizations:

1.) I seem to only want what I can't have. The unobtainable... friends who are taken, married, gay, or are emotionally unavailable (like guy #1.)

2.) I only seem to attract the crazies, weirdos, or married men. And I am not going to be with someone who will make me miserable.

3.) When I do find a decent guy who likes me, I am indecisive about him or change my mind before we get a chance to even try to have something more.

I don't know what to do... at this point, I feel like I will never find someone to satisfy me because I always want what I can't have, and I hurt the people who care the most. I'm so afraid I'm going to end up alone.

Thanks for reading if you got this far. I appreciate it.

 

just wait it out. Only time will tell if guy #1 can get over his ex and choose you or things with #2 will improve. When we hastily go into relations we inevitably make compromises and when opportunities arise (say #1 or some1 else) we're not available to take up on it or it'll be complicated and involves hurting someone.
Leave yourself free and open to better relationships.

 

you cant help who you like. and even if the friend who like syou is a great, amazing, wonderful guy... that doesnnt mean that hes the great amazing wonderful guy -for you-. ive dated a few really wonderful men an dnone of them were right til the one im with now, not permanently right, yknow?

 

you need to allow yourself to be happy ......it seem for some reason that you have a builted in protection thing going on... that why you pick certain guys cause you should know that it won't work.....either they married or gay or you think they will make you miserable....it like you are always fining a excuse to say it won't work and of course it won't work cause of the guys you are choosing.....now i am confused don't know if anything i wrote make sense to you.... but i really hope you get everything worked out cause you deserves to be happy

 

Thanks everyone. I appreciate it.

Liguana- You're right... and I do have a habit of trying to get into situations too quickly. BUt the last thing I want to do is end up hurting someone. So I get what you're saying.

Allonym- I know what you're saying. I really don't think I would be so hesitant if I thought we would work out, and I don't think it's worth risking our friendship over.

hitman38- Yeah, you made sense. I've been hurt in the past, had a rocky childhood that made trusting men hard, and has made me choose some losers in the past. So, putting up walls is a defense mechanism. I really don't know how to not pick these certain guys who are unavailable.

 

It just sounds to me like the right one has not come along. The worries are normal, hold out for someone special to you.

 

Maybe you're right, Haid. Thanks.

 

you sound EXACTLY like me cept right now I have jumped some hurtles and have a boy who likes me, I REALLY like him passionatly, but I am really indescisive and scared because I also used to chang my mind about guys or seemed to somehow not have things work. I really want this to work but I'm telling you, you won't end up alone! Sounds dumb and cliche, I know, but just tonight I'm waiting for one guys call badly, and a different one calls and asks me on a date. I feel torn but it's comforting to know I FOR ONCE have options. you won't be alone, I have proof