Some poems that I have written lately, will try to update relatively often. Criticism is welcomed. Darkness. The absence of light. Shadows. Strangling my soul. Darkness.
in my opinion i would use more emotion...make the reader feel the darkness not just know what it is. not bad tho.
thanks for your opinion. I might expand on it some time, I'm not sure. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- Leaves Leaves, Falling, Weightless, Floating through the air. Her touch, Gentle. The air, Crisp. Cool Autumn breeze, Ruffles her hair. I love you. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sleep One, two, three, four, I fall asleep. Five, six, seven, eight By her side. Nine, ten, eleven, Counting her breaths. Twelve. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- The End One, Distant family. Two, Fake friends. Three, Lost love. Jump.
I really like this. Short, direct, powerful. I'm not too fond of your other stuff. Some of them seem a little too simple and underdeveloped for my taste, but hey, taste differs from person to person. The End however, is short and simple but that seems to give it a little more impact. Keep writing, A.
