Acid Notes Pt.1: When Colors (Bend Blend or Collide?)

acid hits the bloodstream like sulfur
beaming, burning my mind with archetypes and demons
teaming with inexplicable explanations
people, places, faces I'll never know or go

they scream of a symphony of colors, a mechanized trance
universal archetypes perform an unnerving dance
to an offbeat orchestra pmumping me blood
the blue notes a devil, killing thoughts with his thirds
creating a stitch, a callous

but the colors bled into my conciousness
speaking unspeakable truthes to an impossible ear
drowning my cognitive in a whirlpool of existentialist thought
starving me of sanity, but fasting is good

and just when I thought the catalyst created catastrophe
would destroy this harmony, remake that chaotic dichotomy
and leave me three steps past uncured
she held out her hand, feeding me
a savior




Need help with name and need solid critique. Has to bad acid notes pt1 but don't know which sounds/fits best, bend blend or collide?

 

Okay, here is how I did the edits to this - take what you want, "drop" the rest:

Acid Notes Pt. 1: Colors

It hits the bloodstream like sulfur
beaming up archetypes and demons
providing inexplicable explanations
introducing people, places, faces
from worlds nobody knows;

a screaming symphony of colors,
a mechanized trance-lation
an archetypical dance
of a bloody unnerving orchestra
pumping blue devil notes,
creating a stitch, a callous,
killing thoughts in thirds;

colors collide in my conciousness
speaking the unspeakable to an impossible ear
existentialist thoughts drowning in a whirlpool,
starving me of sanity;

and just when I thought

this catalyst created catastrophe
would destroy my harmony,
remake my chaotic dichotomy
and leave me three steps past uncured
she held out her hand, and fed me,

a savior

 

Oh, I forgot to add, this is a very good and very original poem. I just took out unncessary words, but for the most part, it's still very much exactly what you wrote... just rearranged a little... just the way that I felt like tackling this one... hope you found some value in the changes I made when you compare them to your original.

 

Thanks alot!

Might I just say thought that "the blue note's a devil" is referring to the note being a devil.

 

I see what you mean now on the blue note, so what I changed there doesn't work with what you were building. So definitely want to drop that suggestion. I thought it was plural 'notes' and didn't read 'note is' since there was no apostrophe in the original. good example of how punctuation can change the meaning of something. your way works better, just needed the apostrophe.

of a bloody unnerving orchestra
the blue note's a devil, killing thoughts with his thirds
creating a stitch, a callous

yea, I like that. I misinterpreted so now it makes better sense to me. Keep writing you have some good build on this long several part poem. Post the full thing here when you get done with it down the road. Vetty