I have come crashing down to a new realm of hell

I have become really depressed lately. I cannot sleep at night, I comfort eat and I have still got no job. I believe the trigger was when I had a job interview recently. I got the job, I started the following evening and was laid off after five minutes by head chef. I have not completely recovered from that. I am still traumatised. I have no friends anymore. I spend my days going to a new deal place where I am shunned, lied to and basically made to feel like a nobody.
I have self harmed aswell. I have let my anguish out on myself. I just don't believe I will be employed again. Why? I have a criminal record, I have another criminal record for fare evasion. I just can't see my life improving. I seem to have dug a big deep grave for myself. I am only to blame.

Three years ago, I had a job, I began to feel confidence returning and I was earning my own money. It felt so fucking good to spend my own money. I lost the job because I was sent to jail for six months.
When you are in a prison cell stewing on depression and self pity. Then you hear an inmate just across the landing from you being beaten up by the screws. Knowing you cannot do anything for him and he cannot do anything for himself. looking out your little window each night. You begin to miss the outside world. the real world. What ever shit happened to bring me in jail, I could have dealt with it. Three years later, the consequence of jail has ultimately destroyed relationships and destroyed myself. Now I am doomed to wander the planet, depressed, no chance of employment. No friends to give me escapism from inside my head. I feel insanity creeping in with me. Disturbing dreams, unpleasant emotions. I have become everything I never wanted to be:An outcast.

For anyone who feels similar or depressed. Come here and express yourselves freely. You have heard part of my story. I am keen to hear yours. This story is just an extract from my book of shadows. If I could ever think of a piece of music that would best illistrate my existence. It would be the soundtrack to Edward scissorhands. I can relate to the main character as though he were like a soulmate. Wierd I know. but when I see him. I see me.

 

when you find yourself in a hole stop digging???? you said you have built this hole yourself brother,,, then it is only you to get yourself out of it,,, its possible.... but takes effort on your part to be willing to climb on out of it and at this point seems to me like you just wanna keep right on diggin deeper,,,

 

You sound a lot like me, except you have more of a reason to feel the way you do. I mean, I'm not depressed, but sometimes I really get down on myself, it sucks. There's really only one thing you can do - feel OK about yourself even if there's no real reason.

Do you ever wonder if some people are really confident just because of the people around them lifting them up, and people that tend to be loners have to either find confidence within themselves or suffer the consequences? Sometimes when confident people (say you have a job, friends, etc) have a downfall, they end up realizing that they didn't just newly become dead inside, but they've merely realized they've been decaying all along.