Is this normal or am i going crazy?

As some of you might know, i lost a friend on the 7th of this month. Its been 10 days today and I think i am losing it a bit.

Austin [Rock In Peace] was always a masakist [or however you fucking spell it]. i think i have adopted some of his ways. last night i carved the letter A in my leg. I did it and i felt pain but i didn't really feel it, you know what i mean?

I felt the pain of it being carved into me, but I didn't feel the pain as bad, nor did i feel it as good.

This is starting to scare me a bit because i just went over the scab and made it a tad bit deeper.

Also, i think I'm close to losing it if i haven't already lost it, because i have convenced myself i am going to die at 17. Austin said that i was going to die at 17 in a car crash. Plus, my school is cursed. Every year sense its opened, someone has died. Austin was sadly this years victim {RIP}. So now I am convenced that I am 2011's victim. And the thing i fear more than my death is if a friend is going to die within the next 3 years.



Is this normal at all?
or have i lost it?

 

That has "Bad Mojo" written all over it, cheer up girl,Death is a part of Life.It happens all the time. Bad things happen, but if you think to much on the bad things of life you will find yourself getting depressed. So just think positive

 

you don't sound like you've lost it at all to me
you just sound like you are in a bit of a difficult place
don't be so hard on yourself, you've experienced a horrible loss

even if you KNEW you were going to die at 17, shouldn't that just give you more reason to value your life?
make your life the best that you can, as full as you can, and how long it is, just doesn't matter as much

calm down, try to relax a bit, try to smile
and most of all, hang in there *hugs*

 

Stay positive and no, you're not crazy.

 

Its seems that an unfortunate event has lead you to be paranoia of your mental well being. You cant "forget" your lost friend, but its good to think of the good things about him rather then what could happen to yourself. Ive lost some friends, its scary stuff realizing people close to you died doing things youve probably done yourself, but that in no way means death has not left your city, its long gone. See a councler maybe, just need a bit of reasurrance thats all.

 

You're probably fine. Sorry to hear about all that, that sucks.

Just quit carving, will ya? Don't get yourself infected. Oh, and you'll live past 17. Long past. So don't dwell.

 

yeah, you are ok, sweet. carving is not so unusual...in certain native american indian tribes the women used to do it when they lost their partner. psychologically it has to do with making the almost intangible inner pain into a tangible and visible outer pain that may be easier to deal with; and of course, as you watch it scab and start to get better, you can see visibly how time eases stuff. a scar will remain, but the wounds do heal.

be gentle with yourself. don't let the negativity of others' beliefs influence your thinking too much, ok? XX

 

He didn't die doing something we all do. [RIP] He hung himself from the rafters in him room [he lived in the basement]. The first night i had to go there after i found out, i just laid down under the rafter he did it on, and cried for a few hours.

I can't see a councler. They started kicking us out of their office 2 fucking days after he died! I wanna fucking kill them! They actually told us "get over it and go to class".

They are so retarded. I hate them

 

Try going to shrink, going to one helped me out alot. There loads better than shity school counclers.

 

You sound like a 14 year old....

 

Theres a reason for that. I am.

But the thing is, most 14 year olds don't lose their best friend, a brother, to suicide. 14 and 15 year olds should not be going threw this. Hell, 50 year olds shouldn't be going threw this.

What sucks the most is that I wanna do a sayonce, but i'm not a very good witch and i think i will end up messing up or doing something bad.
Fuck, I just wanna have one more conversaion with him.

I love you Austin

 

Oh i didnt know the details my apologies. Ive had one friend who punched his own ticket and the only thing i did was ride it off. Respect the dicision he made, find peace with the anger. think about the good times you had with him. imagine the good conversations you guys had.

And the cutting... if you want to feel pain, take up some extreme sport

 

Yep you are nutz. You lost it.

 

troll elsewhere please

 

First off I'm VERY VERY sorry for your loss.

You sound like your grieving and having a hard time coping with your friends passing. Have you lost it... no. But don't inflict harm on your self... I;m sure no one who cares about you, including Austin, would want to see you do that. I cant tell you when your going to die ... I dont know. But listen don't let the die at 17 consume you cause chances are you wont. I think you need to talk to somebody.. and if the people at school told you to get over it they are obviously INSENSITIVE! Argh that enrages me! I could go over there fo you and kick some mucho BUTT! Thats ridiculous. Even if talking to a close teacher or telling your parents that you would like to talk to a consoler about what has happened recently.

Honestly i wish you the best, and if you'd like you can PM anytime and I will just hear you out, and try my best to give advice! I'm really sorry for your loss !

~*~*~ HUGS~*~*~

 

One way I know that I'm still sane is:
A crazy person does not question their sanity.

 

I find this comment insensitive. It could be interpreted as "you sound immature", even if that wasnt how it was intended...and the girl has just lost her best friend, it doesnt matter how old she is

If you meant it as "it sounds like what youre doing is normal" then you should have said that, shouldnt you?


To the OP, im so sorry to hear about your loss and the pain its brought. Its still very early and trauma is to be expected, but know youre strong and can work throught this

As for dying at 17, i think its very unlikely and in order to calm yourself you need to try and be logical and remember this. What happened to your friend is simply terrible. But you are very young and have things ahead, please dont take the dying at 17 thing to heart...As for your counsellors, thats just awful, how stupid. I hope you find the right people to talk to

Good luck

 

The person who I would talk to about anything was Austin.
There is no one to talk too.

 

Do as many séances, cut as many letters, cry for as many hours as you like but you will never have contact with your friend again. I don't mean to sound insensitive, but you must accept reality. I've lost close people too and the only thing you can do is move on. Moping around carving shit into your skin isn't going to help anybody. Him saying that you were going to die in 2011 and you believing it is what makes me think you're losing it.

"Austin said that i was going to die at 17 in a car crash. Plus, my school is cursed."
Yes, because I'm sure he thought he was some all great witch master or something that can tell the future. . . :wank:

"Every year sense its opened, someone has died. Austin was sadly this years victim "
People die, didn't you know? That doesn't mean there's some mystical magical force making people die that's just what happens.

My advice to you, grieve, but don't turn to Religion or Supernatural crap, or go ahead and do it, but all you're going to get is silence and more pain because you're going to be looking for answers in the wrong places, and never find them. Accept reality, he's dead, people die, end of story.

I'm very sorry for your loss.

 

lol
I'm wiccan and He used to yell at me in the halls
"lets have a good old fashion witch hunt"

And he always posed like that in pictures. lol

he lived an amazing life for only living 15 years....

I'm gonna miss that fucker

RIP