On the Edge with my girl...What to do??

Well i've been in the dump's lately. I was in a horrible car accident a few months bcak and was hospitalized, I lost my job, lost my car, lost my money, lost my apartment, lost everything I had because of this. I've been looking for a job for 6 months and just found one about a month ago. I'm in so much debt ($9,000 or so) my father is in the hospital with brain cancer and only has a short time (probably days, he has stopped eating and talking) and on top of it I have no one. Somewhere along the way after I was locked up last year I have shunned and pushed out everyone that matters to me and now i'm at a realization of what I have done, since I wasn't there for anyone, no one is there for me......

All I have in this entire world is my girl who i've been with for the past 2 years. I have had one thing after another fuck me up over and over and over. I am on the edge of a breakdown, i am so stressed, i am alone, and I don't know how I got this way?? But that's besides the point.

Here's the problem...

Whenever I call my girl she is busy, she just moved a few months ago next to the bar she works and is there every single day. She works there, drinks there, hangs out there, shoots pool there. I don't go there because it is a hole-in-the-wall dump. Nothin good there, the people a crack heads and junkie's, wash up bum's and those of the sorts.

I have always been there for her. If she need's something i'll do it, i'm there if she needs to talk, what's mine is here's and I put her happiness before my own happiness because I love her and want to see her smiling. But I am in so much physical and emotional pain right now I can't take it. She acts like I don't even matter to her, she blows me off, she flips out over the stupidest things. I mean i never thought that ME MYSELF would ever turn out like this because of the person I am but I feel pathetic!! And I feel I am a AWSOME boyfriend, i do romantic things for her, I take her out, I talk to her, I listen to her, i do everything a man should for his love and she treats me like a piece of shit!!

I.E. The other night she was too busy with her friends to hang out w me when i was alone so I called my long lost friend jodie (A girl I grew up with but only see like once every 6 months) and we hooked up. We went out and drank and when janet called she flipped out started cussing saying oh now you got some bitch you dont need me and hung up. Sending me fucked up messages all night and It was just insane how she acts!! She got me so down that I snorted a 80mg OxyContin, drank from 6pm to 4am and smoked coke all fucking night then went to work at 6am just to fuck myself up to destroy the pain...Then she flipped out because I did all that, when she's the one who got my head to doing that!!

I mean I want to just put her out of my life forever because all she does is bring me down, but I am all alone without her and my father is about to die and I don't think I can do this by myself.

There's a part of me that love's her and wants to be with her, but she puts everything and everyone before me after EVERYTHING i do for her...Can anyone help me out with this??

~PeAcE~

 

i'm sorry you're having such a rough time. i'm curious, what was the cause of the car accident? was your girlfriend working at the same place when you met her?

i know you're going through a really stressful time, and sometimes that can skew our perception...especially when it goes on for a really long time. keep in mind that a guy who's been through everything you have been would usually be somewhat distracted from a relationship, and would probably find it difficult to be as attentive to a girlfriend as normal. what seems like a very short amount of time to you because so much is going on in your life that demands your attention, may seem like a much longer amount of time to your girlfriend. was she more attentive when your troubles started than she is now? if so, she may be suffering from compassion exhaustion. if she was always non-supportive, maybe this experience is teaching you to look for different qualities in a mate than you once did.

it takes a lot of inner strength to let go of an inappropriate relationship while you're in need. i know, i've been through it. but if you decide she's not the one for you, continuing the relationship will cost you energy you can ill afford right now. perhaps you would be better off looking for support during this difficult time from others going through what you are...like a grief support group. they might be able to relate and empathize much more.

 

I was working as a delivery guy and some guy pulled out in front of traffic (trying to beat the traffic so he wouldnt have to sit for an extra 30 seconds) and we smashed into each other. Luckily I was wearing my seat belt. I was going 55 or so, my car spun twice and went up on the curb barely missing a pole. I screwed up my neck and upper back and was hospitalized and in physical therapy for 4 months.

My girlfriend was actually working at a restaraunt, the same one I was working at. That's how I met her. It was good in the beginning. She started working at the bar last year and that's when things started to go downhill....

But see that's just it I put my heart and soul into this relationship because it means so much to me. I am there for her but she's never there for me. I call, she don't answer. I txt, she dont respond. I try to make plans, she blows me off. She doesn't make an effort to even want to see me, she's always too occupied with her new friends....it just makes me sad to see the kindof person she has become.

She was never attentive to my problems, she is too obsessed with her problems that she don't give a rats ass about mine. She blows it off. And as far as compassion........there is none. Sorry to say but there is none. It has changed my perspective alot and i have learned from this relationship and feel I am a better person for it but I cannot take it anymore, it's just too much.

I mean being depressed and confused with everything that's going on all she adds emotionally is regret, shame, and sadness.

A support group is a good idea though

As far as letting go I know that I need to it's just so much I don't know. I feel so confused about everything right now. I just want to break down but cannot right now, I need to be strong and this is just not helping!!

Thanks for the reply!!

~PeAcE & LoVe~

 

Let her know that you don't like the way she has been treating you and tell her if it does not change you are walking away. I know that you may think you need her but she obviously is not being there for you and just making things more difficult. From the sounds of it, she does care, but maybe does not realize the impact her actions are having.

Sometimes people have to face losing someone in their life before they wake up and realize what they are doing wrong.

I am going through somewhat of a similar situation with someone right now, I am in perfect health yet she is having a lot of problems, I am being there for her and doing anything I can but not getting anything in return. The ONLY point at which I got an emotional response from her is when I said it was over and I was leaving, that turned the tables for me. Bottom line is, you have to look out for yourself, and having negative people around you will only drag you down.

It sounds to me like you are on the right path, so keep your head up!!

 

dude u sound like me... ur not alone man. it's tough bouncing back from nothing. I'm in the process myself. carless, liscenseless, jobless, living with my parents, too embarassed to even approach a girl (mine left, which was probly a blessing). totally feelin the oxy and alcohol thing(i drink nonstop these days). i should probly put this in a PM but to hell with it. at least you're a few steps ahead of me. sorry about your dad though. that's rough. seriously you have my total sympathy.

 

sounds like a too familiar story, holding onlly isnt anything, just cause its all ya got.
but if its something that gives u nothing, & only keeps ya from getting what ya need, then probly is time to give it 1 last try to get what u need from it & if it fails then just look for what u need elsewhere.
from all you said, i'dthink a support groups an excelent start. so is reconnecting with long lost freinds.

 

Know how alot off that stuff is. Only way to deal with it is leaving.

 

Yeah deep down i think she still cares it's just she never shows it and just hurts me over and over again. I don't need this, this is the LAST thing that I need. Evil i 13 glad to see someone feels the situation for me bro. It's tough.

I hate the fact that I'm holding on to this because I don't need it but am afraid that my judgement might be fucked up with everything that's going on. But then again I am having all this trouble, i'm about to bury my father, and she is no where to be found....I don't think i'm looking at that wrong ya know? it is what it is.....

~PeAcE & LoVe~

 

from what you have wrote, she is failing not only as a girlfriend but as a friend. Sounds like she is self centered to me.

 

She is,,, but isn't. She cares about people, just not the one's that matter...if that makes any sense??

She'll find new friends to impress and try to fit in with, then when the situation changes she does the same thing but her TRUE friends and her family she disregards and it's a shame.

She has a good heart, she just doesn't seem to know how to use it.

~PeAcE & LoVe~

 

Ditch her. If she can't be around for you in such a desperate time of need, then how can you trust she'll be there ever? I'm surprised you've wasted 2 years of your life on someone so self-centered. Why waste the energy you need to recover and grieve on someone who isn't available except when it's convenient for her? I'm really sorry you have to put up with that and I assure you not all females are that shitty.

 

Not the one's that i've been with,,, It seems I really can pick em :/

But see in the beginning it was different (which seems to be how it always is) but I never saw this coming out of her....


~PeAcE & LoVe~

 

We're at that age when you really start discovering who you really are and maybe you're now discovering who she really is. I know it's really hard to just let go of a relationship you've put so much stock into, but is it really worth the pain? There are a lot of bitches out there, sure, but there's a lot of really awesome girls as well. You don't have to have a girlfriend, you're at a really good point to start fresh and learn how to make yourself happy first and foremost.

 

Since you have had a bad time lately maybe you have changed. If you are depressed or upset then maybe she just can’t handle it. She might be the type that does not like to deal with real life problems and instead just blocks them out by partying or whatever… Dump the bitch, so you can make room in your life and heart for someone who will really step up for you in the way you need her to.

 

I agree with you both. And deep down I knew it wouldn't last it's just hard letting go,,, ESPECIALLY right now ya know??

And lately I hvae really been discovering who I am and I never want to be in a relationship like that again!! I mean i enjoy the simplest things in life, nature, hiking, art and she enjoys materialistic comercialism and well,,, what the hell??

I just don't know what I was thinking when I stuck it out this long. I should have started running a long time ago. I'm listening to three days grace "Gone Forever" and it is AWESOME <~~Download it to feel my joy

lol i'm glad i'm starting to laugh about it cuz it's just stupid, shes a bitch, she always was, and always will be. Leave the drama for the next asshole, thanks for the replies!! You guys rock!!

But still why is it the realest most down to earth women are online and the bitches are the ones that are around 24/7??

~PeAcE & LoVe~

 

because they aren't around 24/7

 

If she is into the whole "Peyton Place" bullshit that goes on in bars you might want to rethink your options. It sounds like you need someone that is supportive of you right now, and it doesn't sound like she's it.

 

Because we have computers and they don't, silly! Haha...or something like that.

 

Break up with your girl
because I think thats what shes trying to get you to do.
You don't need that.

Find yourself a real girl, or at least a real good friend to help you through difficult times.

I'm sorry bout your father, mine died last year so I feel your pain.
Believe me.
It will get better. I promise.

"This too shall pass."

-with love.

 

I even though I share nothing of your problems I know its bad to hold on to a relationship thats absolutely not working. I tried for two years with someone who projected all his negative feelings on me, abused the fact I have a fear of loosing people, talking me down, ignoring me and then right at th epoint where I was about to quit it all started being nice.
I kept thinking it was me thinking all of that, he actually got me believing it was my fault. I showed friends and family some converations though, and they were shocked I went on with it so long in the first place. I won't say the things he said, but from someone I thought I loved more then anything in the world he turned in the most hateble creature ever.

Point is; I know its hard to judge at time. For me the fear of being left got in the way properly, even though it was for completely different reasons (which I won't type out now, but it has something to do with father leaving at young age and never showing even the slighest interest or care for me); fact is I needed someone safe so I left him eventually.

Then; to tell the positive ending: I found someone who has been the best person I can possibly imagen, nothing but good so far and there's 11 months now. Even problems were overcome easily and never a single argument, and he never ignores me. I also stopped having the fear of being left so storngly with him because he gives me nothing to worry over.

Sorry for filling your topic with my story; but I'm trying to say is that you have ot listen to yourself, if she's uncaring and doesn't support you when you need it most, it might not be the right person for you.

Goodluck with your dad, its terrible loosing someone to something like that. I really hope you get out of this all well.