Well recently i been feelin blue and it's probably due to the things im going through with friends fam n work but hey everyone goes through something. Im the type to just bottle up things and just not say nothing when something or someone hurts me or if one of my loved ones is dying or hurt, I just can't show it because I hate to cry. That's the one thing about me. I tend or try not to cry, if i do cry i'll cry alone but for like a minute then stop. I just found out my aunt has lung cancer. She had ovarian cancer but they did surgery on her and she had chemo and she was doing well till they found little tumors in her lungs. When I found out I didn't know what to say or how to react. Im not good with taking bad news or anything, but I don't know. I be thinking im weird since I can't show my feelings or w.e......as im writing this, it makes me feel or makes me think that I want attention when I don't. In my opinion, it's hard for me to talk to a friend or anyone if Im going through something because I dont' want them to think "dagg she goes through so many shit". So Im not the one to just tell my close friends even my best friends on how im feeling. They may notice something is up, but I have a tendency of just not telling them everything because I don't want them or anyone to truly know how im feeling inside. That's another thing about me. I have lack of trust and I do admit that. I do have have a few people who i can trust with my life but not to a full extent. I been having problems trusting people all my life because I feel as though if you betry my trust you basically took something away from me. That's why I dont tend to get to close with someone because trust is there and I have this fear of letting someone fully in but end up betryaing my trust. Yes i know life is about trust love blah blah, but I just been like this for quite awhile, but lemme stop writing because I didn't know it was going to be this long but I just needed it to vent out for a bit.........
