Hi there. My name is Ingrid, and I have a problem! I am here to talk about it and get some advice. Bear with me as I explain the long story. In March, I broke up with my boyfriend of 4 years. My ex and I were together through my later teenage years and I'm learning that being a single 21 year old is very different than being a single teenager. My view on the sacredity of sex has changed vastly. I kind of hold to the idea that teenagers should keep sex within relationships, because at that age it's very hard to comprehend how emotionally 'sticky' sex can be, and the potential trauma and self-worth issues that come with poorly made sexual decisions. Anyway, being (relatively) recently out of that hormonal tornado, I'm seeing sex in a different light. I am able to seperate physical from emotional, and thus understand that sex is not love and love is not sex. Although the two do compliment eachother extremely well ! So let me begin explaining my dilemma. Since becoming single two fellows have come into my life. The first is a guy who I was head-over-heels for in high school, namd Damien. I had to stop hanging out with him when I was with my ex, because I felt that simply being around him was a betrayal to my then-partner. Damien is basically everything I've ever wanted: smart, beautiful, talented, kind, funny, strong, family-oriented, the list goes on. After my relationship ended, he and I started talking alot and I even drove out to his city to see him. There's the first part of the problem: He lives in another province and will be there for the next few years finishing an apprenticeship! Long story short, it turned out my feelings for Damien were reciprocated. When I visited him we spent the very short time as a couple. As I left we knew the distance wouldn't work as we needed to get to know eachother again. So we agreed to remain free but, to keep a connection between us. Fast forward a couple of months... I've met this other guy named Michael. I wasn't particularily interested in him at first, but he persisted and flirted and flirted with me. I met him through mutual friends of ours who have been going through a crisis. Admist this crisis it turns out I've been spending ALOT of time with Michael, and between high stress and alcohol we've ended up sleeping together a few times. Here is where everything starts getting convoluded. Michael is absolutely INCREDIBLE in bed. He is also a very nice young man, smart, sweet, but he isn't really my type. Despite that fact I feel extremely drawn to him, I think about him constantly. Michael, however, has just gone through his own serious break-up and can't handle another relationship at the moment. He told me that he can't really seperate sex and love so we've stopped the casual play. So this is where I've become severely confused. I am drawn to Michael, and if I am patient and kind with him he and I will probably be able to start dating within a few months. But I also feel like walking away from Damien might be the worst mistake I ever made... If I didn't settle (sadly that's what it was) with the guy I had the 4 year relationship with, Damien and I might have gotten together and he wouldn't have ever left our hometown... we could've been together right now. What if I end up falling in love with Michael, but realising it won't work out? In another 4 years I don't want to be looking back on a failed relationship and realise that I've let Damien slip away AGAIN. I am worried that I may only want Michael because of his sexual prowess. For the record, as shallow as it sounds, Damien is extremely new to the world of sex and I am, at the moment, not really into teaching ANOTHER virginal fellow how to move (twice is enough for this girl, lol). I guess what I'm wondering is... Is it morally abhorrant and self-destructive to persue a relationship with someone you're not ENTIRELY sure about, but who is actually available to you? What about when you suspect your own motives as being driven by physical desire? Either way I'm scared that I'll be giving up someone amazing. I don't know what to do. Thank you for reading, and if anyone replies, an advanced thanks for the advice/input. Ingrid
Go with Damien, you mention Mike isn't your type so why bother? Yes he's good in bed but will sex make your relationship better(that's if you go with Mike)? I doubt it. That's how everyone ends up, they get someone because they have something good physical-wise, and at the end, they regret everything. But if you're so in sex with Micheal, I suggest you guys become fuck friends but you can't have both. You can't have sex with Micheal and have a relationship with another guy, sure you can but it's horrible..so the choice is up to you, I suggest Damian though. Good luck!
Sex might be great with Mike, but what happens when you hit a slump? You will, as everyone at some point does. You have to like the person you are in a relationship with or it won't last. Sex is great, but not the only thing that matters. Seems like Damien might be the best choice for a long-term relationship. If you think you might want to be with him you need to get rid of Mike. You really don't need the added confusion, and it may affect your chances with Damien.
Michaels gonna get hurt with the current set up, i think. damien sounds like the one youi really want. how long is the drive to where he is? woudl you be able to find a job and decent housing out there, and move away/ moving away from your hometown can be really exciting and a great growth experience for most people... or els eyou could just head out there on weekends or somethign (again, depending on the distance)
Girl, going through the same thing--Kinda, Head over heels with hitmans38, we hit it off so well, love this guy to death, we talked for about 6 weeks I know really short time and on the internet, then we hit a few snags, got through that, His modem blew on his computer, waiting to hear from him almost 3 weeks now. Don`t know what is what, waiting and waiting and waiting. (If you see this babe really sorry but I love you to death this you know.) I want this guy soooooo dam bad and he knows it- can`t figure what has really happened, I can think of a few things but I don`t want to cause like I said- I love him to death and beyond. From what i am going through right now!!! Missing and dying because your love is sooo dam strong for a person the way mine is for hitman38. It is a distant relationship. I will never love another. I know that sounds soooo dam stupid but when you love someone dam it is so hard I promised him and my promises are that, promises. True meaning of the word. Babe you know how much I love you,,, till you get to me to tell me what is what, this girl needs to know that Damien is the one. You need the one that will make your heart and soul sing. There are others in the world. That is true, I know of a couple of them. But, hitman like I said is the one for me until someone tells me different. Prefer, him. But girl you know which one is the right one. so you have to help him in the sex thing, we never stop learning there. We are all different, we all need to be taught things everyday about sex or whatever. Hitman has taught me alot about myself love and sex. He doesn`t know all that he has taught me yet. I am so glad he is in my life though we are a little bit a part now. I would not trade him for anything. I have my friends who I care about very much but he is the one and he has to know that love is so special as is sex. Sex is wonderful with the right person and in this situation as is yours. Love is the most important thing in this world. There are different kinds of love but between a man and a woman,,, that is all the more special. Babe life is long,,,and as you get older it can sometimes get a lot longer. To have that one special person with you, you better go back to Damien. Distance, fuck it. If you both love each other, you can beat all the shit in between like I pray hitman and I can. I am gonna beat it come hell or high water, because no one but him will tell me we are over. And if that happens well I will still love him because he was (is) an important part of my life. Like I said you know which one is for you DAMIEN. WILL GET BACK to you to see how you will be doing.,,take care Dreamin`.
