Sorry it's a bit drifty, but i just wanted to post before i left. Standing at your door in a relapse of years before, you've driven me before and i'm calling home the first chance i get, though your distrust is burning a hole through the door and my chest, i keep the poker to my skin to try to show what is falling through, "i know that" you say and i am shuddering inward as the blow comes crashing through, you can stand on your own two feet and i have to realize that the bond between us is breaking down, how could i try to erase history? the chemistry in this dark hall will blow us away, i apologize for bleeding on your door and this forsaken floor, walking wounded though i come back for more, infection bringing me to my knees and i am pleading please, my breaths are sharp and shallow like splintering grief like winter, you haven't done this to me, i brought on my own casualty, i am the one with the worst brutality within me because i have no sympathy for my own apathy or yours, but i wouldn't put a hand on you, that's why i need these expensive painkillers, make your mouth dry, feel like you're sinking through the mattress, addictive to kill the need for sorrow, i wasted a day it felt like a month, spinning in circles trying to touch base, it was a minute but it felt like an eternity where you were looking right through me, you have me right where you want me holding within where i cannot hold out, in the same polaroid with the image of a drought, i stay binded in the debt to the sin i am left within, engage, you're makin' me sick, killin' me with every word you say, you've misaligned my spine and left me defenseless, this polaroid will stay with me when i escape, i can't wait to get back inside, whatever triggers memories in my mind, over-sensitive, the smell of your skin on mine the smell of that golden field, the sound of a 44. caliber lock and load the sound of the click, put on my military blues and clear the floor, lock the doors and wash it down with a sip of gin, write in blood what pen would not secure, i will always love you, it's not used to it's either you do or you never did, get on my knees and click the complex, smell the cold metal, single rays of light shine through me, i'll make it easy for you, there won't be any mess to clean up, you won't miss me anyway when i'm out, if i happen to survive you won't love what i've become, you're calling my phone, there i am with the metal in my hand, i can't answer right now, click it because it's complicated, like an earthquake in the brain they say.
I'd look hard at cutting this down, editing and trying to more clearly express yourself. "Drifty" is putting this lightly, but it has potential with some major revisions. For example, you use "door" and "before" twice in the first four lines. It doesn't flow well at all.
