Relatives bringing their dog with them

Hey just stand outside your front door and don't allow them to enter. It's your house and your laws isn't it.

Hey too bad your husband isn't "man enough"

Afterall it's all about you isn't it?

 

It's my husbands family so I don't think I should have to be the bad guy with people I hardly know. I think they would take it better coming from him. Oh yeah, and "man it up" was actually the phrase that HE used when he said he should be the one to tell them.

And NO, it ISN'T all about me. It's about my entire family still trying to deal with things from the past that are still fresh in all of our minds. Nothing is ever all about me, everything that I do has my children in mind.

 

Thanks drumminmama. They will have their own room and I think that the dog will need to just stay in there. I don't have a problem with the kids being around the dog, as long as everything is supervised very closely. At least until they get old enough where they're not going to get knocked down. That is my main concern.

 

You're right drumminmama, I do have way more concern than my daughter, and I'm trying to not get too uptight when hyper dogs are around, but it is very hard sometimes for me when they jump all over the kids trying to play.

I don't want to keep her away from dogs though because I really do love animals and I want my children to have the same connection with them that I do (or used to). We visit the local animal shelter every week to give the animals some attention( I feel really sorry for them), but I also think that it's a good way for my kids to appreciate less fortunate animals that need a home and give them some love. As long as I'm right there to make sure nothing happens then I'm ok with the situation. I know that I can't be there forever though.

They emailed us yesterday and said that she can't get off work when they were supposed to come visit, so now they're coming in early December. I'm running out of time to come up with a solution.

I think I will call her tomorrow and let her know that the dog will have to stay in their room until we slowly figure out how it will do with the kids. If she's not okay with that, then I don't know what to do.

I'll keep everyone updated.

 

to be honest you need to chill...its a dog, not all dogs are out to take out eyes and chew things, it would be just like dealing with a child, they don't know any better. I udnerstand that you aer upset about it, but man...you are on a hippy forum, where everything is accepted, unbiased, arent these a couple principles of the hippy way? why trip on living creatures? I know it's just one life, but man...no need to spread the negativity and hold grudges against dogs because of a bad incident..it is a yorkie, they are small, and playful towards kids, unless your kids are crawling across the ground at yorkie level I doubt they will be scratched, or even scratched enough to be hurtful to your kids..I understand you can voice your opinion but damn chic..accept it unbiasly...or else everyone will chew you up for it.

 

I spoke to my MIL tonight. We couldn't come up with an agreement about the dog because she says that the dog should have free roam of any part of the house that it wants. She said that it has free roam of her house, so it should have free roam of anyone's house that she chooses to visit. She even mentioned that since my husband is only mildly allergic to dog hair, that it should be allowed to "nap" on our bed since that's it's normal routine and they will just be sleeping on a couch, so it wouldn't be very comfortable for the dog. I'm pretty much done at this point.

Long story short. The children and I have arranged to go out of town to visit relatives, and my husband can stay here with his family and their dog. Now everyone can be happy.

 

That's just wrong. And I know dogs, I've worked with all kinds and all behavior issues and am well versed in the psychology of the dog, and I can say with confidence that your MIL's dog does NOT "need" this treatment. Sure, it may be used to all the other stuff, but a week in a crate is not going kill it or permanently psychologically damage the dog. In all honesty, even if it did it's your MIL's fault for not conditioning and training the dog in the first place to see some time in it's crate as a positive thing. Every dog owner should do this, because a dog is going to have to be crated at one point or another in it's life no matter what you do, might as well make it comfy with the idea.

I don't blame you. It is stupid that you are having to split up like this for the holidays over a dog. Up until this last post of yours I was also agreed that you should just "deal" with it, but not to THAT extent. I was thinking just "deal" with the dog being contained in a crate, which isn't that big a deal and if done carefully the dog can be happy and still have minimal presence among those who don't appreciate it, or have allergies.

I really loathe people who treat dogs like children to this extent. I'm all for spoiling and loving on a dog, but not to the point that it would be distressed if NOT treated that way. I spoil and love on my dogs and the ones that board at my house, but I still make sure they are trained and conditioned to be ok with being in crate for a while, and they still have to follow the few rules that they do have, no exceptions. The key is the fact that they are happy and agreeable to this, for the most part. It's all about communication, dogs do want to please the humans they live with and if they UNDERSTAND what the human wants it helps - your MIL is only doing a disservice to her poor dog and causing it to be more distressed at some point in it's life than was necessary.

 

BullShit!
Your house, your rules.
If they want a beast friendly environment (to their standards), they could try Motel 6.

 

Exactly. Dogs are a pain in their owners ass, not yours. I would tell them flat out NO CHANCE.

 

That is going to be one dumb ass dog I assure you. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree or whatever. I'd be so pissed. She has no right to take that dog to ANYONE's house. It's her own damn problem. We'd all like to have a little puppy but some of us are mature enough to realize that we wouldn't want to make the sacrifice (as in not travelling while you have a puppy). Maybe she could have thought of that?

 

thats bullshit,,an you giving in inevitably will make a bad situation worse..

that dog is a puppy,,and now you have set a precedent for this woman to walk all over you in your own home.

well shes now got the dog in your house whenever she wants,,whats going to be the demand her next visit??

so are you planning on packin up and leavin every time they come to visit?? so you gotta change your schedule,spend your money on gas,etc. so she can have her way in your house..

not to mention the attitude you not being there for this visit is going to give her,,knowing in laws,,forever more.. dont you know when you cave in to a in laws demands your suppose to be there so they can gloat..

my yall are going to have a lovely life ahead...

IMHO,, you fucked up...

 

Just tell your in-laws not to come, that should fix all your problems.

Hard to decide who's side to take when you've removed the post that outlines the problem. But it looks as though you've decided your home is an animal free zone. Well then enforce it and live happy. Your hubby may not be that pleased though.

 

You spelled it out here. Why ask us to justify your position?

 

You may as well file for a divorce.

 

I wouldn't put it that strongly, but I don't see your in-laws and the dog as your problems. The problem is your husband, you shouldn't be negotiating with MIL. You should be discussing the situation with your husband and then HE should inform his mother what your (plural) home's rules about animals are. (Is he your husband or her son? Yeah, I know... but when those two roles conflict which is he?)

 

Maybe he was raised in an animal friendly home, and maybe he doesn't agree with the rules set out currently. Maybe he's not acting like a son, but finally like a husband/man with fifty percent input.

This is an issue you should have hashed out before marrying and having children. It would be a deal breaker for me.

Comparing treating animals with compassion and making them part of the family and home in no way compares with the hazards of smoking.

 

This is no way a deal breaker. We've been married for over 10 years and are very happy. My husband did not grow up with ANY pets at all and I grew up on a small farm with over 50 animals( but thanks for assuming that you know so much about him and our life), this is a new thing for his mother, she's only had the dog for 6 months. He doesn't want the dog in our house either ( NOT because we don't like dogs), but because of the other reasons previously stated. He only wants to see his father, other than that he could care less. His father doesn't want to bring the dog either, but he's too afraid to confront his wife.

I don't understand how it's not compassionate to allow her to bring the dog into our home, but kept away from our children in another room until we see how they interact. We offered that compromise but that wasn't enough. I'm sorry that we don't want the dog sleeping on our bed, but like I said before, my husband is allergic to dog hair.

Afterall, it's not like we told her that the dog had to stay in the back yard in freezing weather chained to a tree. If I would have said that then I could understand your hateful post gardener.

And as far as you saying that we might as well file for divorce, that's ridiculous and I'm offended at how you seem to be impyling that everything is my fault and no one elses. My husband and I sat down and came up with the idea for me to go see my relatives together 50/50 so everyone could be happy.

Why are you so defensive about this dog when you haven't even bothered to ask how anyone else in my family feels about it? Everyone else here seemed to ask questions instead of just assuming a bunch of CRAP on their own. What makes you think it's right to assume that I'm a bad wife that hates animals and attack everything that I say.