19 year old son - failure to launch?

Discussion in 'Parenting' started by Cstanding, Oct 15, 2007.

  1. HADLEYCHICK

    HADLEYCHICK Member

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    Charge him rent, pick a reasonable amount, less than a regular apartment and something you know he can afford. Then take the money he pays you foer rent and bank it (don't tell him this part). If he can't afford the rent tell him you will cut it down if he takes a class or two at your local community college. Still, bank it and when he does make up his mind that he is ready to fly solo you can help him with rent on the months he gets stuck.
    H
     
  2. drumminmama

    drumminmama Super Moderator Super Moderator

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    take HHB up on his offer. He's in Georgia and I know the kid can handle Greyhound.
    the old asshole will straighten him right out.
     
  3. HippyFreek

    HippyFreek Vintage Member

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    Totally! Charge him a reasonable rent, give him two week to find a new place, or tell him you'll pay his greyhound ticket to get him to HHB. He needs some sort of push towards adulthood, and I think you've got plenty of great ideas!
     
  4. hippiehillbilly

    hippiehillbilly the old asshole

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    well it is firewood season.. ;)
     
  5. BraveSirRubin

    BraveSirRubin Members

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    Speaking as someone close to his age...

    Yes, I agree with HHB.

    I myself couldn't truly grasp the concept of adulthood until it was forced on me (by life, not by my parents)... but, it has to be forced, he has to be deprived of his comforts.
     
  6. the6peace8keeper

    the6peace8keeper Born Again Satanist

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    Have you ever drug tested him or taken away his pot, or are you the type to think "My child would never do that"

    Reality is a bitch, you can learn from hhb...trust me on that one.
     
  7. Cstanding

    Cstanding Member

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    Georgia huh, well I will be in western North Carolina next week & shorely you have hay to bail and wood to chop. We might need to talk.
     
  8. hippiehillbilly

    hippiehillbilly the old asshole

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    well ,, no hay here,, but we have plenty of wood to split and a list of chores a mile long..

    we had a web site till a month ago. we dropped it because we got tired of slack ass mother fuckers coming here under the guides of helping out and then bein completly worthless.

    at one point last winter we had 13 people here,,12 of wich were worthless. and being it was winter we just didnt wanna cast them out.ahhh lessons learned,just proves everyone can grow from reality checks...

    All we ask is for 2 hours a day labor. that covers your meals etc. we have plenty of tent sites and extra labor will earn you a bed. problem is people think standing around with a thumb up there ass is labor..

    2 hours of labor is what dilli would do in 2 hours.

    i work a full time job so labor is dealt with by dilligaf here.. people dont seem to realize that just because a woman is 5 foot 4 doesnt mean she cant work. she puts kids in there place or they dont last long here...

    anyway we are 2 and a half hours from asheville a lil under a hour from murphy. the doors always open to any and all.. yall come sit a spell an visit ...noone is expected to work unless they are going to spend more than a couple days here..

    got drums??? bring them.. ;)

    love n light
     
  9. SilverClover14

    SilverClover14 Senior Member

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    Just out of curiosity, has he ever been observed for mental problems? My 18 year old brother for the past few years has been very much the same as your son. My parents just assumed it was a rebellious reaction against years of me being hyper driven and working my butt off to get the hell out of Georgia. When I went home for part of summer break, I noticed cuts on his arms and made him talk to me and it turned out he was SEVERELY depressed. I took him to the doctor and it turns out he's bipolar with a tendency towards depression. Since he's been medicated, he is much more motivated, become a bit of a legend among his friends for his musical and songwriting talents (even giving his own concert this weekend- something that NEVER would have happened 6 months ago), and is actively applying to colleges as far away from home as possible much to my mother's chagrin. :)

    Not to say that that's a reason- a lot of people just go through a funk at the prospect of going into the real world... I know I'm prolonging college as long as possible because I'm so terrified. Just something to think about, though.
     
  10. The_Man_On_The_Hill

    The_Man_On_The_Hill Member

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    I agree with hippie hilbily TOUGH LOVE is the best kind. That's how my mother was and even though I have many hardships in my life I press on, better sooner than later ya know?? If he doesn't learn the responsibily of becoming an adult when will he??

    There is no need to prolong the inevitable, he needs to put his life in drive and stop procrastinating!!

    ~PeAcE & LoVe~
     
  11. Michaela

    Michaela Member

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    I think SilverClover14 addressed two very important issues as relating to this situation about the 19-year old: 1) Has his mental health status been assessed; and 2) A lot of people going through a funk at the prospect of going into the real world. The latter point, especially - I mean, look at the condition of the world that we elders are handing down to the youth of today? Could be the causation for a general lack of hope; at the very least.

    As I read over all the responses in this thread, it occurred to me that no one has suggested that you sit down and talk with the boy. Have you given him a sense of direction as he came up? Did you make him aware of the simple fact that he has choices, and that the choices are his to make? Do you know where his passion lies? What does his natural gift seem to be? Has the boy demonstrated an interest in anything specific as he grew (ie: what did he write in the blank when asked, "What do you want to be when you grow up?")

    There is an older woman named Barbara Sher who travels around the country; giving seminars aimed towards people who are 50+ years of age. She encourages every one of them to think back and recall 'what it is that they wanted to be when they grew up.' She claims that what we wanted to be is where our passion and our talent lie; and that is what we should be. She urges people of this age group to quit their nine to five jobs and to pursue their passion before they waste any more time not fulfilling their natural potential in life. I tell you all about this because perhaps it would be a better thing to fulfill one's potential from the age of 19 years as opposed to 50. If it's not already known, help the boy discover what his passion is - where his talent lies - and perhaps then, he will linger no more.

    Sincere Regards, Michaela
    _________________________________________

    "They will never make a perfect heart until they make
    one that can't be broken."
    The Wizard, "The Wizard of Oz"
    ________________________________________
     

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