New parenting dilemma- its funny when they develop personalities of their own... My son had his first day of institutionalized day care yesterday. I am supposed to work there so I was on the premisis filling out forms... I got done in the middle of nap time. I went in to get him and he was crying. no one was hovering by him he was just sitting there sad. He hurried over to me with the blanket dripping off him as he toddled and he reached his arms up for me and tearfully explained what was wrong in a string of unintelligible syllables punctuated with "cat." We have a cat at home. She always sleeps with him. Sometimes at home he gets upset if she isn't there when I put him to bed. I have been trying to get him to attatch himself to a portable comfort object like a teddy bear but to no avail. His object d' amour is our cat. She can't come to daycare with us. I am afraid he will now not nap and become a sad little grouch. I have been looking for a stuffed animal that looks like our cat. Could make one but I'm not the best seamstress in the world... suggestions? Has anyone ever had this problem?
Hadley, you are a good mama. Think. Is it really the cat he is crying for? What decisions would make a "transitional object" unneccesary? You are a good mama. The answer isn't that hard. Are you going to be IN the room with him? Or is he going to be in the care of others? Is this really about the cat? Hmmmm. This quote of yours hit me very strongly. WHY? Why was no one comforting him? Will you be there to do it? Is he ready for you to be away from him if you are not? If he is going to be away from you, WHY wasn't anyone taking care of him? Things you need to look into. I almost worked at a daycare center when Sunshine was a baby (18 years ago) predicting the fact that she would probably be not taken care of the way I would do it, when I wasn't in the room changed my mind. Is this really about the cat? Some tough questions to answer. I know. What changes can you make to make SURE he is not neglected when in this enviroment? If his needs are taken care of a "transitional object" will really not be neccesary.
Ouch, thank you for your unfailing honesty. I know that I should be doing things differently but this seems to be the only option available right now. I did the really hard thing and left R's dad because of physical abuse and drug issues. Had to move out of town because even with the restraining order he wouldn't quit causing trouble, breaking in stealing stuff, sending his friends over to have drunk chats in the middle of the night, refusing to help and partying so I would have to watch it. I couldn't stay there and moved out of state to move in with an old college friend. She's being very patient while I put my life back together. I am down to my last hundred bucks. Childcare is around 200 a week and there is no very little available for subsidy or aid in Mass. The daycare knocks about another 100 off that. I need to work somewhere! I would love to stay home and comfort him but I simply can't- or at least I can't figure out how. If you know of any actual work-at-home opportunities that really make a living let me know, or anything else I could do... I have been looking for the right situation but I don't have time to goof around. At present I am trying to survive. I felt awful watching him through the glass before I walked in. I think it stinks that this is what society forces people into. But, what else can I do? H
damn, girl - keep your head up. i've been there and it's really tough. daycare work will keep you close to your son, but you'll never get ahead financially. but if your friend's cool with that, that's what i would do for a while until he's older. i lucked out, i've got a job that pays me enough to pay a friend to watch my new baby in her home - i know he'll get lots of love. but it's gonna cost me like $600 a month at least. maybe you could nanny for someone? work in a home? still no help with the cat issue though, i don;t know what to tell ya about that.
I am so sorry you and your baby are going through such a hard time. You did the right thing by removing him from a bad enviroment. It makes me so angery that we live in a society where 20 Billion dollars for a war is fine, but womyn,who don't want to, have to put thier babies into daycare just to survive!!!! It isn't fair at all. Can you talk to the day care supervisor to see if you can be in the same room as your boy? Many centers will tell you they don't allow it, but maybe they can bend the rules. I understand that you are on your own now, and it is hard to make every thing work out. Could you do home day care for a few kids? It is hard work (I've done it) but you would be with your baby. Problem is there are no insurance benefits, and if the day care center offers them, it is what you will have to do. Does your state have a Women and Children program for health care and food stamps? That would be very helpful if you decide to do your own day care. I am so sorry you have to go through this. I hope you can work things out for you and your baby. My thoughts are with you. Blessings, Maggie
Find some way to take him out of daycare & let him sleep with the cat. easier said than done, but . . . hehe
Therea re lots of toy cats..some even purr and have their own carry cases. Maybe that could be something he can learn to play with just at daycare while he's needing his cat.
