I dont know why, but I feel totally empty inside. I love my boyfriend so much, but I feel so empty at the same time. When i see him, he's always leaving He always has to go when we talk on the phone. I understand he works early but it doesnt make it better. and I miss him, and I hate myself for missing him, its like admitting I'm a tiny bit weak when it comes to how I feel about him. I wish I wasnt so damn independant.
Oh that's so sad. I can relate to what you said in your post about feeling empty; i sort of feel the same now. I dont have anybody now, but when i try to convey the feeling of having someone, i just feel the same. emptiness. it's hard to explain perhaps you're not sure about him, deep inside you, you're holding your feelings cos you know you can rely on him 100%, perhaps i'm wrong, but believe me, i understand the feeling. why dont you talk to him, tell him how you feel.
Hmm, I guess I am, he posts on here, but, I"m not aiming my post at him. I know I can trust him, I dont know that it is trust really. I guess its just me. I dont really know how to be comfortable with myself when I'm with someone else. I dont want to feel too much, and yet i feel bad when I feel empty too. I guess I'm not very good at explianing how I feel, but you know when something... just doesnt feel like it should for no reason... and all you want is to be with that person, but want to be as far away from them as possible. So that thay dont know how much you really wish they were there.... ugh
you said you wish you werent so independent, well, I think that's a good thing. I'm progressively learning to become independent, and believe me, it's not easy task. I think it's good that you're like this, though it makes you feel "empty"...I dont think you're empty, you're just realistic, you dont want to get hurt so you set your limits. anyways, if you want to PM and talk, please do so.
Not to be so cynical, and I doubt that he is, but you may want to a least consider the possibility, that he could be stringing you on, maybe he could be cheating with another girl. Like I said, you seem to be a really cool girl, and you're very pretty, I sincerely doubt it he's cheating on you. I'm sure you'll be just fine soon.
It's weird, i think my girlfriend feels the same way. She also looks like you Anyways... i feel that way sometimes as well. I feel like i can't let myself fully go; we were both 'players' before we got to know each other and so it's hard to get out of that mentality. Of letting yourself fully go with someone else. When you're with them it's the greatest thing in the world, but when you're gone you trip yourself out. If you both mean a lot to each other i think a variation of mental/physical jealousy plays a big part. You try the ignoring game but can't help being drawn together, and when drawn together you can't help but play the, "let's see who cares more" kind of game... even though that doesn't shed enough light on the subject. More times than oft, I feel full when i'm with her. But the bottom line is, is that i have to keep myself busy, around other beautiful girls every now and then, and above all - not to become a doormat. As much as making her my queen sounds appealing; I first have to become her king. ....which sounds like a stupid, foolish paradox. But hey, everything in good time right? We're progressing from a childish love to a more mature comfortable state. And i'm happy. Most of the time.
You're not the type that goes to concerts are you? Well i'm glad atleast someone else is in that position. Umm... I really don't know what to say now. Maybe it's about letting go? Of yourself? Of your old life? Because i know that when i look in my girlfriend's eyes, we connect... we feel the same thing. But we're so different, not only in skin color but also culture, history, LIFE! This is both beautiful and a challenge though, you know what i'm sayin? I got lots to learn, but i feel as if i'm not patient enough to learn it in time... I'm not possessive though, that's one thing i don't want to be but maybe, just maybe, it's what she's looking for...? I'm free, and i want her to be free. It isn't in the job description for me to be all in her plans. I still kick it with girls, i have lots of friends that are girls whether pretty or not and i still take them out to dinner and eat and talk and then get drunk with all our friends at bars and whatnot. She's confessed her jealousy at this, but hell, i get jealous when she talks with guys. It's kind of awkward as well that we're in some of the same classes, live right next to each other and take the same bus to school and home. So it's like i'm obligated to make space between us, to be busy, to be going out with other girls, working out, working in general, etc... Sigh... i guess it's a love-hate relationship eh? Can't live with them, can't live without them.... Much love & luck, Mike
